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Candorville

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Result page:    2  3  Next  (47 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-04 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-04 Pub. Date: 2019-04-04
Image Number: 177045
Caption: Long distance relationships are the worst! I haven't been in the same room with "Vancouver" in a year! Lemont - maybe she's just not into you anymore. No, that's not it al all. As soon as her fifty-nation book tour ended, she secluded herself in a log cabin in the Himalayas to write her next novel. That old excuse. If it weren't for the carrier pigeons, we'd have no contact at all.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-18 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-18 Pub. Date: 2018-10-18
Image Number: 174494
Caption: Hey boss, grand opening's a big hit. Almost all the patrons from the old café are here, plus some new ones. What do you mean almost all the old patrons? Who's missing? I want that traitor tracked down an dealt with. Call my contact at ICE. They've got ways. They'll disguise themselves as altar boys and wait in his church ... They'll hide in the slurpee machine at his favorite 7-Eleven. they'll call and say they found his wallet and then cage him when he surfaces. ICE doesn't play around. They could probably haul him here in time for customer appreciation hour. Very bad man.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-10 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-10 Pub. Date: 2018-05-10
Image Number: 171292
Caption: I'm working on an article called The Unified Theory of Everything. But I've hit a snag. Every single science-related government agency I've contacted is stonewalling me. None of them will provide someone I can interview. NASA … the EPA … USGS … NSF … NOAA ... They all gave me the phone number for a new oversight department run out of the White House. It's called the Mendacious yammering Obstruction Bureau ... MYOB?
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-24 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-24 Pub. Date: 2018-01-24
Image Number: 167652
Caption: Fox News tweeted that crime is down since Trump took office. So I wrote an article about how crime has been steadily falling for 25 years. Some random guy posted that’s fake news in response. So I sent him links to the data. He wrote back accusing me of obsessed with making him believe what I believe. I replied hey, you contacted me. Then he called me names. The internet is the dumbest land there ever was. I replied leave me alone. He replied you first.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-19 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-19 Pub. Date: 2017-08-19
Image Number: 161536
Caption: It's estimated the Amazon contains about 100 tribes never contacted by outside civilization. And there are hundreds more uncontacted people in jungles all over the world. They've probably never heard of the black plague, or the Dark Ages, or the Mongol hordes, or World War II, or Donald Trump ... and we've never heard of all the calamities they've survived, either.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-17 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-17 Pub. Date: 2016-09-17
Image Number: 148484
Caption: 1982. You know how people always say "If aliens existed, why haven't they made contact?" Well … what if they have? What if we aren't the ones they're coming to visit? There are at least six species on earth that have a degree of intelligence. Nobody ever stops to think that the aliens may already have a mutual defense treaty with the octopuses. If you don't want to have sushi, just say "I don't want to have sushi." If the apocalypse happens, I just don't want anyone pointing fingers at me.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-01 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-01 Pub. Date: 2016-08-01
Image Number: 146688
Caption: Hi! I'm a complete stranger! You obviously came up here to enjoy the view in solitude. But I'm gonna stand right next to you as if I've never even heard of the concept of "personal space." I'm gonna avoid eye contact in hopes you'll go away. Good thing I can't pick up on body language.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-20 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-20 Pub. Date: 2015-07-20
Image Number: 129956
Caption: Guess what happened to me today. You discovered you were adopted? A long-lost twin sister you never knew about contacted you because she needs a kidney? Donald Trump tried to have you deported? You only get this literal when you've had a bad day. People should say what they mean.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-19 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-19 Pub. Date: 2014-11-19
Image Number: 118794
Caption: My baby boy's a genius. Whenever he gets hold of my iPhone, with just a few swipes he manages to delete all my photos and contacts. It would take me at least ten times as long to wreak as much havoc as he does in three seconds. Parents will be proud of anything. Yesterday, he launched my Wells Fraggo app and closed all my accounts without even looking.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-13 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-13 Pub. Date: 2014-09-13
Image Number: 116188
Caption: You know how people always say "If aliens existed, why would they come all this way just to see us?" WE spend billions and billions of dollars to send probes billions of miles away JUST IN CASE they might find evidence that a single MICROBE lived there in the distant past. How far would WE go to see billions of bald, clothed apes that drive cars and play checkers? I've never seen anyone do that, Lemont. I didn't mean at the same ti- THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-12 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-12 Pub. Date: 2014-09-12
Image Number: 116187
Caption: 1982. You know how people always say "if aliens existed, why haven't they made contact?" Well, what if they have? What if WE aren't the ones they're coming to visit? There are at least six species on Earth that have a degree of intelligence. Nobody ever stops to think that the aliens may already have a mutual defense treaty with the octopuses. If you don't want to have sushi, just say "I don't want to have sushi." If the apocalypse happens, I just don't want anyone pointing fingers at me.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-04 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-04 Pub. Date: 2014-08-04
Image Number: 114617
Caption: Hi, momma, it's me. How are you … No, it's not the paperboy, it's ME. So I've been meaning to ask you about my da … Yes, of COURSE I "sound familiar." It's ME. Momma, I called just last week! So this guilt trip is totally … (sigh) Yes, I'm sure I have the right number. A-Train. (Originally published on 2012-03-01).
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-09-01 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-09-01 Pub. Date: 2013-09-01
Image Number: 100557
Caption: Kelly contacted me again. Dr. Noodle. It's been two years. I'm over her. I've moved on. I'm happy with someone else. But all of a sudden she emails me. She wrote "Guess who I'm dating? A guy named DRUDGE VASSALE. Isn't that weird?" I mean, MY name is DRUDGE VASSAL. She dating a guy whose name is almost exactly like mine! Does it mean the universe is trying to tell us something? Does it mean she and I are supposed to be together? It means she knows exactly what to say to make you obsess over her. Who am I to argue with the universe?
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-12 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-12 Pub. Date: 2013-07-12
Image Number: 99042
Caption: What do you see out there, Clyde? The usual. People passin' within inches of each other, without ever makin' no eye contact. That's a double negative. You're actually saying people are ALWAYS making eye contact. This why I ain't never say nothin' deep to you. That's a double negative. Thug 4 Life.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-06-17 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-06-17 Pub. Date: 2013-06-17
Image Number: 98183
Caption: Hi! I'm a complete stranger! You obviously came up here to enjoy the view in solitude. But I'm gonna stand right here next to you as if I've never even heard of the concept of "personal space." I'm gonna avoid eye contact in hopes you'll go away. Good thing I can't pick up on body language.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-08-22 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-08-22 Pub. Date: 2012-08-22
Image Number: 86184
Caption: What's wrong? Whachoo talkin' 'bout? Thug 4 Life. (A) You're frowning. (B) You're avoiding eye contact. (C) You just cussed out a pigeon. Something's wrong, you can tell me Clyde. I promise not to tell anyone you had an emotion. How I know I can trust you? Thug 4 Life.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-07 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-07 Pub. Date: 2012-03-07
Image Number: 39254
Caption: Four forward, drifting to the right a little. Thirty seconds. Contact light. Ok, engine stop. We copy you down, spore. Mushroom, uh … tranquility base here. The spore has landed. Ok, it's time to clean the shower. That's one small step for fungus, one giant leap for fungus. (Originally published in 2009).
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-01 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-01 Pub. Date: 2012-03-01
Image Number: 76893
Caption: Hi, momma, it's me. How are you … No, it's not the paperboy, it's me. So I've been meaning to ask you about my da … yes, of course I "sound familiar." It's me. Momma, I called just last week! So this guilt trip is totally … (Sigh) Yes, I'm sure I have the right number. A-train.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-07-12 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-07-12 Pub. Date: 2011-07-12
Image Number: 63188
Caption: Roxanne's lawyer calls a rebuttal witness to challenge Doctor Noodle's assessment that Lemont Brown is a sane, fit father. Mr. Benny Russell … … Were you Lemont Brown's cellmate at Sunnyville Sanitarium? No one will give me any paper. Do you remember where you are? Do you remember who I am? You're the man who promised to give me paper if I say "Lemont Brown is totally insane." OBJECTION! Overruled. If I don't finish my story the captain can't open the orb box, and if he can't open the orb box, he can't contact the prophets.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-07 contact 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-07 Pub. Date: 2011-03-07
Image Number: 58313
Caption: Dios mio! What? What happened? I completely forgot about your court case. I'm such an awful friend! I don't want you to have to go through that alone. You need moral support. You'll be happy to hear I'm getting it. My long-lost love Sasha Mitchell's been Facebooking me, asking how it's going. What? Why are you glaring at me? Hey, is this one of those "women don't make any sense" moments?
     
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