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Candorville

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Result page:    2  Next  (38 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-24 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-24 Pub. Date: 2019-08-24
Image Number: 179098
Caption: Do you think you'll ever get tired of working for the TSA, Randy? Let me see, little buddy … Will I ever get tired of encountering some of the most interesting people in the world … like Beyonce, and Rihanna, and Emilia Clarke, and Amber Heard, and Jennifer Lawrence, and the rest ... and making sure their pat-downs are completely professional yet totally thorough? This is why I never fly anywhere anymore. As long as blood pumps through my veins, I will never tire of this job.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-22 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-22 Pub. Date: 2019-05-22
Image Number: 177718
Caption: Did you read that new interview with Donald Trump? I did not. Well, it gave me a brilliant idea. I stayed up for a week perfecting it. It's a Trump Generator for interviews. You ask it questions, and it gives you answers that are completely nonsensical gibberish punctuated by words like tremendous. That's going to save the media a lot of time. It's at bigly-answers-for-stupid-fake-questions-dot-com.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-05 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-05 Pub. Date: 2019-03-05
Image Number: 176625
Caption: 1982. What do you want to be when you grow up, Lemont. I want to be a journalist. I'll be like Woodward and Bernstein. I'll report on man's inhumanity toward a man and bring down presidents and have a movie made about me. I'm just not sure who would play me. I've narrowed it down to Sidney Poitier and Richard Pryor. I haven't completely ruled out Mr. T. How about Gary Coleman.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-18 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-18 Pub. Date: 2018-11-18
Image Number: 174714
Caption: It all started when I was a tiny kid. My grandpa made me get up on stage at the family reunion and sing. Dr. Noodle. He'd really built me up. Told everyone how great a singer I was. But when I looked out at the crowd of 200 or 300 people who were strangers to me ... I froze. The room was completely quiet and I saw 200 or 300 sets of eyes staring at me. Burrowing into my soul and holding me in contempt. I forgot all the words. I started to cry. And then I wet myself. The first step toward overcoming shyness is crawling out from beneath my couch. Never!!!
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-21 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-21 Pub. Date: 2018-05-21
Image Number: 171758
Caption: You know what gets me about terrorists? The really frustrating part? It's that we all know them. What do you mean? You know how you come across someone online who has completely wrong view of reality … but when you give him facts that prove him wrong, he just gets angry and condescending and treats you like you're subhuman trash. Terrorists are internet trolls come to life. You can't ever, ever get rid of internet trolls. I wish the world could just unfriend them.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-22 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-22 Pub. Date: 2017-12-22
Image Number: 166287
Caption: Doc, I've been coming here for years. I feel pretty happy. I'm thinking maybe I don't need therapy anymore. That makes perfect sense. It's like when you look in the mirror and see you've finally got bright, shiny teeth. There must be no need to keep brushing them if they're no longer decrepit and begrimed. Brains and teeth are two completely different things. Really? Let's chew on that thought for a moment ...
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-08 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-08 Pub. Date: 2017-05-08
Image Number: 157807
Caption: Do you know why I'm headed to the hospital right now? Um … no … you ok? No, I'm not. I'm headed there to give them this huge check, thanks to Obamacare. I like to deliver it in person, so I can glare at them disapprovingly. The opposition as pretty much completely fallen apart. Also, I think my appendix may have exploded.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-01 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-01 Pub. Date: 2017-05-01
Image Number: 157545
Caption: The Associated Press is fake news. And now we have iron-clad proof. We do? They "interviewed" Trump, but all of his answers were total gibberish. Completely unintelligible. Clearly, their fake-news-generating machine went haywire and just threw together a bunch of random nouns and adverbs. (Sigh) Trump is so going to win in 2020. I'm leading a mob to the AP building to burn the machine at the stake.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-01 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-01 Pub. Date: 2016-12-01
Image Number: 151553
Caption: 2016 turned out to be our best year in recorded history. Well … American history, anyway. We still have a ways to go before we match what the German branch did back in the '30s. Fear, Inc. But still … we convinced half the country that savages were either coming to kill them or take their jobs. And we convinced the other half that most of the country is racist and hateful. We also got Kanye West to completely flip out onstage. I'm proud of that one. Fear, Inc.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-15 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-15 Pub. Date: 2016-09-15
Image Number: 148482
Caption: Hi. I'm Lemont. I'm on my way to the airport. Heading to Vancouver to spend a week with the girl of my dreams. O … K … It's weird how it feels like I haven't seen her in months. I mean, we text all the time. We send each other photos, too. Not "Anthony Weiner" style photos ... I'm talking completely tasteful stuff ... mostly. You're not really a "small talk" kind of guy are you?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-24 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-24 Pub. Date: 2016-07-24
Image Number: 145560
Caption: It all started when I was a tiny kid. My grandpa made me get up on stage at the family reunion and sing. Dr. Noodle. He'd really built me up. Told everyone how great a singer I was. But when I looked out at the crowd of 200 or 300 people who were strangers to me ... I froze. The room was completely quiet and I saw 200 or 300 sets of eyes staring at me. Burrowing into my soul and holding me in contempt. I forgot all the words. I started to cry. And then I wet myself. The first step toward overcoming shyness is crawling out from beneath my couch. Never!!!
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-16 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-16 Pub. Date: 2016-07-16
Image Number: 145821
Caption: Baton Rouge police was called 'cause someone said they saw a man with a gun sellin' CDs. The usual thing happened. Brotha didn't obey fast enough, cops rough him up, say he resisted arrest, he end up dead, an' it all on video. Then black people an' white people see two completely different things lookin' at the same exact video. I'm tellin' you bruh, Gilligan ain't never gettin' off this island. He actually got off in a pretty bad tv movie and ... never mind. Not the time.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-29 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-29 Pub. Date: 2016-03-29
Image Number: 141134
Caption: You know what gets me about terrorists? The really frustrating part? It's that we all know them. What do you mean? You know how you come across someone online who has a completely wrong view of reality … but when you give him facts that prove him wrong, he just gets angry and condescending and treats you like you're subhuman trash. Terrorists are internet trolls come to life. You can't ever, ever get rid of internet trolls. I wish the world could just unfriend them.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-23 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-23 Pub. Date: 2016-02-23
Image Number: 139561
Caption: What are your symptoms, Mr. Dogg? Emptiness, hollowness … Lack of appetite … Loss of interest in stuff I used to like … … An jus' today I felt somethin' I ain't never felt before. I actually … well … this is completely confidential, right? Yes. I … I actually cared what someone thought of me. We'll run some tests. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-04).
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-13 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-13 Pub. Date: 2015-11-13
Image Number: 135010
Caption: Doc, I've been coming here for years. I feel pretty happy. I'm thinking maybe I don't need therapy anymore. Dr. Noodle. That makes perfect sense. It's like when you look in the mirror and see you've finally got bright, shiny teeth. M.A. There must be no need to keep brushing them if they're no longer decrepit and begrimed. Brains and teeth are two completely different things. Really? Let's chew on that thought for a moment ...
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-11 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-11 Pub. Date: 2015-06-11
Image Number: 128070
Caption: What's wrong? I'm reading "Abaddon's Gate." That Melba Koh is getting away with everything. Who's "Melba Koh"? She's like a lot of people. She thinks the world owes her respect … even though she's never done anything worthy of respect … even though she's completely self-centered. I hate characters who think everything's about them. Then why are you reading it? 'Cause the more I hate her, the more I know I can't possibly be like her. So it's all about you?
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-24 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-24 Pub. Date: 2015-05-24
Image Number: 126824
Caption: Ya'll think we'd be where we is way back when we was kids? You mean "when we were kids, did you think we'd end up where we are now?" No, that sounds like you askin' about what we think right now. I'm askin' about what we thought then. No, you've got that completely backward. Don't you mean "backwards"? There's an "s" at the end. No there isn't, that's just a common misconception. Wait ... What? Somebody pregnant? Well this is pretty much where I thought you two would still be. I ain't the daddy. I was somewheres else. There's no "s" at the end of "somewhere."
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-08 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-08 Pub. Date: 2015-01-08
Image Number: 121079
Caption: Do you know why I'm headed to the hospital right now? Um ... No ... You ok? No, I'm not. I'm headed there to give them this huge check, thanks to Obamacare. I like to deliver it in person, so I can glare at them disapprovingly. The opposition has pretty much completely fallen apart. Also, I think my appendix may have exploded.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-28 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-28 Pub. Date: 2014-09-28
Image Number: 116324
Caption: I'm through with looking for a woman to date. That's drastic. Dr. Noodle. Not really. I've realized I've always had a void, deep in my soul. PhD. I've always felt alone, unloved, unneeded … As if there were no one expecting me to be a great man. When I was a kid, I filled that void with comics. Then later, with a woman's love. But you've realized the void is just too deep for anyone to fill? There is no woman alive who can love me so completely ... that I'll finally feel like I'm an important part of the world and I have a purpose. You're thinking of seeking God's love? I'm thinking of dating two women.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-17 completely 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-17 Pub. Date: 2014-08-17
Image Number: 114523
Caption: Dear Moron … I read your latest article about how Israel and the Palestinians are locked in a cycle of violence and neither side is doing the right thing. I don't appreciate the false equivalence! You completely neglected to point out the FACT that the side I support is RIGHT, and the other side is WRONG. Here is a list of everything the other side has done to MY side to provoke my side into using violence. Never talk about the Israeli-Palestinian thing. If the other side has a list too, it's illegitimate and you're a FOOL for believing any of it.
     
Result page:    2  Next  (38 images)