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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-06 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-06 Pub. Date: 2017-10-06
Image Number: 163386
Caption: Do you remember your early childhood, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I come from a long line of Randies who have photographic memories. It's an evolutionary trait that enabled early Randies to survive despite being connoisseurs of the female form. "Evolution"? Doesn't that mean some of them didn't make it? Overly long stares lead to nothing but trouble.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-05 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-05 Pub. Date: 2017-10-05
Image Number: 163385
Caption: Do you remember your early childhood, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I come from a long line of Randies who have photographic memories. It's an evolutionary trait that enabled early Randies to survive despite being connoisseurs of the female form. "Evolution"? Doesn't that mean some of them didn't make it? Overly long stares lead to nothing but trouble.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-03 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-03 Pub. Date: 2017-10-03
Image Number: 163383
Caption: Why do they call it the "chickenpox," Sadie? Funny you should ask, cretin. The year was 1767. Great-great-great-great-grandmother Sadie discovered that smallpox and the "varicella-zoset virus" were not related after all. But as usual, her nemesis, Dr. Heberden, pilfered her research and claimed credit. That's when old Sadie shoved him head-first into his Christmas chicken's rear-end, and the rest was history. The history books leave everything out. Guess where cranberry sauce came from?!
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-01 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-01 Pub. Date: 2017-10-01
Image Number: 162744
Caption: Ask Sadie. Our resident surly lass answers actual reader questions sent to rudy@rudypark.com. Dear Sadie, My husband forgot my birthday. There was no cake, no trip, no party, no nice little gift, no card, no "happy birthday" whispered in my ear … NOTHING. How do I let him know how deeply that hurt me? - Hurt in Harford. Excellent question. It reminds me of the time I hunted down a wild boar in the Serengeti in 1951. Decades earlier, when I was but a young lass, nobody remembered my birthday, or so I thought. that night, dear old Grandmother Cohen surprised me with a loaf of bread topped with a flaming licorice stick. Just as I blew out the licorice, it happened: A young wild boar came out of nowhere, darted across our shack, grabbed my loaf in its slobbery may and escaped into the dark, stormy night. I tracked that boar for twenty years across seven continents before I finally caught him. Speaking of which, it's time for my daily ham sandwich. Anyway, what were we talking about? Ask Sadie, baby!
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-24 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-24 Pub. Date: 2017-09-24
Image Number: 162444
Caption: What brings you to therapy, Mr. Groupeé? You can call me "Booster." Dr. Noodle. Hey, who was that who just left your office? Was that that historian I saw on TV? Herodotus Jenkins? I can't say. He's the best. He come here this time every week? I can't say. And who's that out in the waiting room? Is that Brock Manly of "Fast & Furious 12" fame? I can't say. What brings you here? I heard you treat all the famous people. I just thought it might be nice to know the rich and famous are as messed up as me. This is a space for discussing you, not other people. I hear you, I hear you. What'd Brock Manly say when you told him that?
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-05 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-05 Pub. Date: 2017-09-05
Image Number: 162349
Caption: Is it just me, or have there been a lot of earthquakes lately? I haven't noticed. How could you not notice earthquakes? We've had about a dozen of them in the last few months, usually at night. That would explain it: Randy "The Rock" Taylor comes from a long line of heavy sleepers. Light-sleeping is for the indecisive. In 1819, Washington Irving based a story on my ancestor Rufus "The Rock" Taylor. But he had to change the title from "Rip Van Rockle" when Rufus demanded royalties. I wake up seventeen times a night.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-09 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-09 Pub. Date: 2017-08-09
Image Number: 161299
Caption: I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column? I don't know, I only read the first sentence.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-06 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-06 Pub. Date: 2017-08-06
Image Number: 160628
Caption: Do you remember your first kiss? There was snow on the ground. There was snow everywhere. The grown-ups were all out. My father, Rocky, was out hunting with the other fellas. The scent of willow, or maybe white sage, woke me from my peaceful slumber. I turned to see from whence it came. That's when I saw her, kneeling beside a crackling flame, her eyes and her smile aglow with dancing ribbons of amber light. Our eyes met. I strode toward her. In silence, I sat beside her. I looked deep into her eyes. She looked deeper into mine. She grunted melodically, and I leaned in ... "Grunted"? I lightly brushed my lips against hers, and then pounded my chest to claim her as my own. I meant your first kiss in this life. We donned our lion furs and rode into the snowy night on the back of a mastodon to ask the volcano for permission to get busy, as was our clan's custom.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-31 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-31 Pub. Date: 2017-07-31
Image Number: 161036
Caption: Hey boss, it's July 31st. A couple years ago, you said come back July 31, 2017, and we could talk about you giving me a raise. Yes, but that was predicated on the notion that you'd need a raise by now. I see you're still alive. Clearly you haven't starved to death. You smell minty-fresh, so clearly you haven't been forced out into the streets. Karl Marx said it best: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need." I'm pretty sure that is not what Marx meant.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-19 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-19 Pub. Date: 2017-07-19
Image Number: 160521
Caption: Did you feel that, Randy? I think I was an earthquake. Tough to tell, little buddy. I had just come up with an idea for a new book in my "Randy's MAN-uals" series. The working title would be "The Back-Hair Formula: How to Ensure Your Inner Beast is a Lion, Not a Woolly Mammoth" I'll have to shorten that, of course. The earth often shakes when I get a good idea. Well, my mind was completely blank at the time, so ... pretty sure it was an earthquake.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-15 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-15 Pub. Date: 2017-07-15
Image Number: 160230
Caption: I have to admit, Rudy, while you were in Russia, I actually missed you. You did? Does the lion miss the antelope? Does the monkey miss the banana? Did the tyrannosaurus miss the dim-witted edmontosaurus? I shall give you until tomorrow at noon to come up with a good comeback. Y'know, the edmontosaurus was high in cholesterol, which let to lots of t-rex heart attacks. Take the time, loser.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-13 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-13 Pub. Date: 2017-07-13
Image Number: 160228
Caption: Give it to me straight, Randy. How did your date go? You're not usually this tight-lipped about it. Menu. I went out with a lady from Vancouver. That's all you'll get from me. Oh my god. You're in love. Randy "The Rock" Taylor is head over heels in love with a lady from Vancouver. Either that, or she flat-out rejected you, and since that's never happened to you before in life, you're left stunned and unable to process it. You're forgetting chapter 7 of "Randy's Guide to Life" ... "Only Specks Speculate." Come to think of it, the two options aren't mutually exclusive.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-08 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-08 Pub. Date: 2017-07-08
Image Number: 159996
Caption: Tonight, on "Cops," a local man leads police on a high-speed chase through Best Buy. It all began when clerks notices he was coming in every day to upgrade different obsolete items. When he ran out of his own obsolete hardware, he began rummaging through other customers' pockets looking for old cellphones to upgrade. He zoomed free, but cops had no trouble tracking the perp down. Please don't be Rudy. Please don't be Rudy. Please don't -- Maybe next time "Rudy" will think twice before personalizing his Segway's license plate.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-29 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-29 Pub. Date: 2017-06-29
Image Number: 159729
Caption: Lemont's in Russia … Where'd you take Rudy Park? He was on the boat with me. I was writing a story about him when someone … Oh, come, come … It's as if you've never seen stooge whisked away by unmarked black van to meet with rich Mafia-connected oligarch before. Anyway, you wanted to talk about interference with election. No really, but ... ok. Which one? 1953 overthrow of Iran's Mossadegh? 1954 overthrow of Guatemala's Arbenz? 1960 overthrow of Congolese Prime Minister Lumumba? 1964 overthrow of Brazil's Goulart? 1973 coup in Chile? I see what you're doing. Oh wait ... those were yours.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-17 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-17 Pub. Date: 2017-06-17
Image Number: 159168
Caption: Ask Sadie™. Dear Irresponsible Sadie: Last week you said riots are the natural response to police brutality. How dare you excuse looting and property damage and violence!!!! By excusing riots, you are contributing to the cycle violence. You have a public platform and with that comes responsibility. You, Sadie, have A LOT to learn!!! -Disappointed in Delaware. You need to learn the difference between an explanation and "excuse," you condescending, insufferable Troglodyte! I mean ... thank you for writing. Ask Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-03 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-03 Pub. Date: 2017-06-03
Image Number: 158617
Caption: Vancouver, you're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Would you people please stop saying you're "moving to Canada"? We Canadians pride ourselves on not being the United States. We can't keep doing that if half the United States moves up here. That's it ... We're coming next Tuesday. We'll be moving in right next door to you and playing loud music at all hours. If you think America will abide being told what to do, you don't understand America. If you move to Canada, Canada's moving to the North Pole.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-30 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-30 Pub. Date: 2017-05-30
Image Number: 158613
Caption: … In other news, the Bowie State University community is still struggling to come to terms with the murder of Richard Collins III … The second lieutenant in the army was just days from graduating college when a white supremacist stabbed him because of the color of his skin. Siri? Is this news from 2017 ... or 1917? 2017. Make it stop. I'm sorry, I don't know how to do that.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-29 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-29 Pub. Date: 2017-05-29
Image Number: 158612
Caption: Sir, please stow your personal electronics. How come he gets to keep his out? Who? That guy over there, with the stylus and the analog tablet. "Stylus and … analog tablet"? You mean "pen and paper"? You say "tomato," I say "disposable power cell for smartphone operators."
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-28 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-28 Pub. Date: 2017-05-28
Image Number: 157937
Caption: Oh no! What's wrong? I tweeted a sarcastic insult about Brian Blount, my nemesis in the race for class president. So? So … the sarcasm didn't come through. All my followers think I was praising him. Oh. Yeah, well sarcasm's tricky online. Oh no! My followers are confused about where my loyalties lie. Oh no! Some of them are calling me a sellout. They're saying they're disillusioned! Oh no! Now they've split into two factions, those who say I'm a sellout and those who say maybe Brian Blount isn't so bad. Just tell them you were being sarcastic. Ok. Oh no! Now they're saying I'm being defensive and must have something to hide! Say the media took you out of context. Ok. Oh no!
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-24 come 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-24 Pub. Date: 2017-05-24
Image Number: 158354
Caption: We don't suspect you of helping Russia blackmail the president. It's your college roommate, Rudy Park. He's the mole. Ithee. Thn hwcm imn hur? You and I go way back, Lemont. Of all the journalists I've monitored, you're by far my favorite. Mmble. Huh? I said "Untie me and let me go, you fascist, jack-booted thug!" Anyway, you've heard of "Deep Throat," right? Well ... first thing we need to do is come up with a good code name for me.
     
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