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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about calls and calling.

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161. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-13 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-13 Pub. Date: 2015-01-13
Image Number: 121385
Caption: Too many women feel entitled. I blame every man who calls his little girl a "princess." I told MY daughter "You ain't no princess! Take off that @#%$ tiara! Ain't nobody gonna 'take care of you' but YOU." Now that's "real talk." A lot of men feel "entitled," too. Not MY son. Made him pay me room an' board ever since he was three. Two packs of bubble gum, due first of every month.
     
162. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-09 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-09 Pub. Date: 2015-01-09
Image Number: 121080
Caption: I'm pretty sure my appendix just ruptured. Don't you want to call an ambulance? No, I opted for the silver Obamacare plan. That means if I call an ambulance, I won't be charged thousands of dollars for it. If that happens, I won't be able to keep saying "Obamacare's done nothing for me" with a clear conscience. Now's not the time to think about politics. Spoken just like a - ouch - ... statist.
     
163. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-11 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-11 Pub. Date: 2014-12-11
Image Number: 119936
Caption: Hi momma, how are you doing? Are you taking your pills? Are you going for walks? Did your acid reflux go away? Are you taking your insulin? Did that rash turn out to be shingles after all? Bowel movements regular again? Mom, you can tell me all this on the phone. So please stop posting about all that stuff on my Facebook wall. Mnphn.
     
164. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-10 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-10 Pub. Date: 2014-12-10
Image Number: 119935
Caption: Momma … I remember what you said to granny when I was a kid. You said "I'm working, I have a son to raise, and a life to live … so forgive me if I don't call you as much as you'd like." (Sigh) No, momma, that was not an episode of "Dallas." A-Train.
     
165. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-07 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-07 Pub. Date: 2014-12-07
Image Number: 119211
Caption: I'm rewatching J. Michael Straczynski's Babylon 5 for the fifth time, and something's bugging me. The show's all about right vs. wrong and good vs. evil. It's maybe the best morality play ever filmed for tv. Even the goofy comic relief character, Vir Cotto, ends up risking everything to rescue thousands of women and children from a holocaust. In that episode, he personally represents the morality of the entire show. Why, then, did J. Michael Straczynski end the episode with Vir joking that all marriages have problems after he found out his new wife was a raving bigot who had happily taken part in committing that genocide? If even J. Michael Straczynski would ruin his best story by going for a cheap laugh, it's not wonder everything coming out of Hollywood is dumbed down! Explain yourself, J. Michael Straczynski. Who are you and how did you get my phone number? That's not important right now.
     
166. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-22 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-22 Pub. Date: 2014-11-22
Image Number: 118797
Caption: Hello, wrong number, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. Yes, I am absolutely sure I'm not the person you're trying to call. Feel free to call back a third time just in case I've realized I actually AM the person I'm not. Beep.
     
167. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-29 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-29 Pub. Date: 2014-10-29
Image Number: 118203
Caption: Want me to go with you to Comic Con this year, Lemont? You mean "Candor-Con." They're not allowed to call it Comic Con anymore. Comic-Con sued them because the name's too similar. Candorville's Comic Con argued that the names are totally different because the one in San Diego uses a hyphen. I didn't realize geeks were so litigious. The subpoena was written in Klingon.
     
168. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-05 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-05 Pub. Date: 2014-10-05
Image Number: 116484
Caption: The Economist ran a book review where they called for a more "objective" look at slavery. They whined that "almost all the blacks in [this] book are victims, almost all the whites are villains." What, that surprise you, Big L.? Next thing you know, people gonna look into the slaves' high school records to see if they ever got suspended. Then they gonna go through the slaves' Facebook photos an' if they don't find no thug poses, they'll just Photoshop some gold teeth on the bruthas. They'll say Kunta Kinte stole a pack of cotton balls so he deserved what he got. Good talk, Clyde.
     
169. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-21 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-21 Pub. Date: 2014-09-21
Image Number: 115916
Caption: I just can't stop getting ahead of myself, doc. The other day, I was on a job interview … Dr. Noodle. They're not going to call me back, doc. You don’t know that. When they asked if I had any questions, I asked how secure the retirement pension was. That's not too bad. I asked the interviewer if I could call her "Susan." Still not that bad. ... So you think it wasn't that big a deal when they noticed I'd put a few sandwiches in their refrigerator? ... Do you have any other job prospects? Yeah, but Susan looked at me funny when I asked her for a letter of reference.
     
170. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-07 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-07 Pub. Date: 2014-09-07
Image Number: 115372
Caption: I taught Lionel how to call 911. WHAT?! What that little two-year-old boy ever done to you, Big L? Huh? Cops be outta control, bruh. If there a emergency an' he call 911, there a 50/50 chance the police'll help … an' a 50/50 chance they gonna knock down the door without a warrant, toss in a flashbang grenade, an' pepper spray your toddler before draggin' his dad out in the hallway half naked. What is you thinkin' Big L? He's be better off if you teach him to call Domino's. Well, they would probably get there faster.
     
171. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-31 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-31 Pub. Date: 2014-08-31
Image Number: 115090
Caption: I called my ex-wife and told her I forgive her for leaving me for Guillermo Cabonabong. Wow. After five years? Something told me it was time to forgive. Well, I told you back then, holding onto resentment is only going to hurt you. I'm glad my advice finally sunk in. It's not that, doc. Yesterday, Facebook suggested I add Guillermo Cabonabong as a friend. I quit. When even Facebook says it's time to move on, it's time to move on.
     
172. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-26 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-26 Pub. Date: 2014-08-26
Image Number: 115529
Caption: I met this awesome guy. I think he may be "the one." We talked for hours and never ran out of things to say. He was so interested in what I think, what I do, what I want out of life … We talked about that for hours and hours. Cool. What does he think, do and want out of life? Beats me. I'm sure we'll get around to that once he calls me for a second date. Dios mio.
     
173. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-16 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-16 Pub. Date: 2014-08-16
Image Number: 114930
Caption: Hello, creditor, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. Paying 30% interest on the bus ticket you helped me buy 20 years ago is more important to me than survival. So I can't come to the phone right now, because I'm busy bundling all my cash to send to you instead of using it to feed my child, pay my rent and keep my lights on. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you when I'm done making money appear out of thin air. BEEP.
     
174. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-08 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-08 Pub. Date: 2014-08-08
Image Number: 114621
Caption: Lemont, this is what's called a "lucid dream." I'm asleep? Yes. You haven't been to therapy in a while, so you've dreamt up this session. While you're here, why not use it? But you're really just me. Therapy is mostly me helping you to answer your own questions, anyway. Do you have any questions? Is the real therapist going to charge me for this? Half price. (Originally published on 2012-02-10).
     
175. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-04 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-04 Pub. Date: 2014-08-04
Image Number: 114617
Caption: Hi, momma, it's me. How are you … No, it's not the paperboy, it's ME. So I've been meaning to ask you about my da … Yes, of COURSE I "sound familiar." It's ME. Momma, I called just last week! So this guilt trip is totally … (sigh) Yes, I'm sure I have the right number. A-Train. (Originally published on 2012-03-01).
     
176. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-07-04 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-07-04 Pub. Date: 2014-07-04
Image Number: 113187
Caption: Hello? … Whachoo mean "Who this is?" Who you is? Don’t be callin' me askin' who I be, like you ain't' got no phone-trainin'. When you call somebody, it's customary for you to say who you be. You say yo' name "Clarence"? Well ok then. Now I'll tell you who I be, Clarence. I'm the brotha that found you' cellphone.
     
177. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-06-21 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-06-21 Pub. Date: 2014-06-21
Image Number: 112734
Caption: Hi, Lemont? Speaking. Hey, it's Keith. I don't know any "Keith." Are you gonna try to sell me something, Keith? Lemont! Buddy! 'Course not! I'm just a total stranger calling to share the good news about Awesomecorp cotton-flavored grizzly bear lures. Goodbye, Keith. (This cartoon was originally published on 5/12/2012).
     
178. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-06-08 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-06-08 Pub. Date: 2014-06-08
Image Number: 111681
Caption: Ring! Ring! Ring! You're not gonna answer it? Why would I do that? Ring ring ring ring ring ring. Ring! Ring! Ring! My friends text me. My creditors email me. If anyone calls me at home, odds are it's a telemarketer or a politician. Ring! Ring! Ring! Ring! Ring! So you don't trust anyone who actually wants to talk to you? Right. That's just shady. Click!
     
179. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-28 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-28 Pub. Date: 2014-05-28
Image Number: 111791
Caption: When are you going to teach your son about death? Never. If your toenail falls off, have you died? If you lose a foot to a grizzly bear, have you died? If a wild kangaroo rips off both your arms, have you died? If you can survive without parts of your body, who's to say you don't survive without the whole body? You can't just avoid having hard talks with your son. I don't want him to survive dying and then call me a liar.
     
180. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-27 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-27 Pub. Date: 2014-05-27
Image Number: 111790
Caption: There was a two-inch long silverfish skittering over my oatmeal this morning. Lionel said "Daddy, why's it called a silverfish if it's not silver?" But I thought they do look silver. Not after someone's smacked them 42 times with a shoe. I told Lionel "Shhh ... it's sleeping." Dios mio.
     
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