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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about calls and calling.

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161. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-16 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-16 Pub. Date: 2015-04-16
Image Number: 125565
Caption: How's it coming? This profile I wrote for you will definitely appeal to a good man, Susan. "Looking for a gentleman who's into science fiction, who's not afraid of crying, and who thinks about calling his mother every day. Actually calling his mother every day would be kind of stalker-ish." Maybe I'll write my own profile after all. "Must be ok with my having a virile male best friend."
     
162. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-19 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-19 Pub. Date: 2015-03-19
Image Number: 124247
Caption: One reason I want Clinton to be president is, she's tough enough to be "the first." The first woman or minority anything gets viciously attacked. I was the first woman executive at Fitzhugh & Fitzhugh. You should hear the things they still say about me. Some of them started calling the place Fitz, Fitz, and B ... You're right, the first one is always a punching bag.
     
163. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-20 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-20 Pub. Date: 2015-02-20
Image Number: 123055
Caption: Hi, Sasha. It's Lemont Brown. I just heard you got divorced. No need to call me back, I just wanted to let you know I'm proud of you for finally leaving that jerk. Things didn't work out between us because of the timing, and we've both moved on, but … I just want you to know I hope you're happy ... because making a pass at you right after I find out you're newly divorced would be a turnoff. Right? Or not? Anyway, farewell. Unless you WANT to call me back.
     
164. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-19 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-19 Pub. Date: 2015-02-19
Image Number: 123054
Caption: Why would you ask if I fooled around with Sasha Mitchell? Because you once told me she was the love of your life. Because three years ago, you two were texting and Facebooking all the time. Because you told me you called it off after you found out she was married. ... And because I just found out she's been divorced for two years. There can be only one reason you and she didn't run off together as soon as her divorce was final. Stop trying to put two and two together, you're terrible at math. Homewrecker!
     
165. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-07 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-07 Pub. Date: 2015-02-07
Image Number: 122422
Caption: The Astronomer Neil Degrasse Tyson admitted he was wrong about those deflated footballs the Patriots used. That's proof that the so-called "global warming" thing is a big fat hoax. You're saying that if someone's wrong about one thing, they must have been wrong about anything they've ever said? Hypothetically. I wouldn't know, since I've never been wrong. The Jungle.
     
166. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-06 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-06 Pub. Date: 2015-02-06
Image Number: 122421
Caption: Lemont? Where've you been all day? I was waiting for you at lunch and you never showed up. I couldn't. After I dropped Lionel off at day care, everything went wrong. Someone had snatched my wallet, so I had to walk 20 blocks to get home. But my keys were missing, so I tried to climb in the fire escape. That's when I got arrested. Didn't they give you one phone call? I used it to call a lawyer. Forgive me for being so selfish. I waited a whole hour, Lemont.
     
167. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-01 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-01 Pub. Date: 2015-02-01
Image Number: 121614
Caption: You know what I like to do? I like to mock California. It's just so very ridiculous. It's got everything I love to complain about. Hollywood is there, for one thing. Where else would there be an entire industry of people who spend every day making things up and pretending to be other people? Nobody ever stops to think about how psychotic that is. Say what? If cities were people, Hollywood would be the guy you had to call the cops on to make sure he didn't hurt himself. All those explosions in every other movie are an obvious cry for help.
     
168. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-14 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-14 Pub. Date: 2015-01-14
Image Number: 121386
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I was playing "Simcity" the other day when it occurred to me ... We may all be just a computer simulation. There's evidence of that everywhere. All computer programs have glitches, for instance. We see those glitches all the time. We call them "deja vu." I'm pretty sure we've had this conversation before. I knew you were going to say that.
     
169. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-13 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-13 Pub. Date: 2015-01-13
Image Number: 121385
Caption: Too many women feel entitled. I blame every man who calls his little girl a "princess." I told MY daughter "You ain't no princess! Take off that @#%$ tiara! Ain't nobody gonna 'take care of you' but YOU." Now that's "real talk." A lot of men feel "entitled," too. Not MY son. Made him pay me room an' board ever since he was three. Two packs of bubble gum, due first of every month.
     
170. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-09 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-09 Pub. Date: 2015-01-09
Image Number: 121080
Caption: I'm pretty sure my appendix just ruptured. Don't you want to call an ambulance? No, I opted for the silver Obamacare plan. That means if I call an ambulance, I won't be charged thousands of dollars for it. If that happens, I won't be able to keep saying "Obamacare's done nothing for me" with a clear conscience. Now's not the time to think about politics. Spoken just like a - ouch - ... statist.
     
171. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-11 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-11 Pub. Date: 2014-12-11
Image Number: 119936
Caption: Hi momma, how are you doing? Are you taking your pills? Are you going for walks? Did your acid reflux go away? Are you taking your insulin? Did that rash turn out to be shingles after all? Bowel movements regular again? Mom, you can tell me all this on the phone. So please stop posting about all that stuff on my Facebook wall. Mnphn.
     
172. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-10 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-10 Pub. Date: 2014-12-10
Image Number: 119935
Caption: Momma … I remember what you said to granny when I was a kid. You said "I'm working, I have a son to raise, and a life to live … so forgive me if I don't call you as much as you'd like." (Sigh) No, momma, that was not an episode of "Dallas." A-Train.
     
173. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-07 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-07 Pub. Date: 2014-12-07
Image Number: 119211
Caption: I'm rewatching J. Michael Straczynski's Babylon 5 for the fifth time, and something's bugging me. The show's all about right vs. wrong and good vs. evil. It's maybe the best morality play ever filmed for tv. Even the goofy comic relief character, Vir Cotto, ends up risking everything to rescue thousands of women and children from a holocaust. In that episode, he personally represents the morality of the entire show. Why, then, did J. Michael Straczynski end the episode with Vir joking that all marriages have problems after he found out his new wife was a raving bigot who had happily taken part in committing that genocide? If even J. Michael Straczynski would ruin his best story by going for a cheap laugh, it's not wonder everything coming out of Hollywood is dumbed down! Explain yourself, J. Michael Straczynski. Who are you and how did you get my phone number? That's not important right now.
     
174. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-22 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-22 Pub. Date: 2014-11-22
Image Number: 118797
Caption: Hello, wrong number, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. Yes, I am absolutely sure I'm not the person you're trying to call. Feel free to call back a third time just in case I've realized I actually AM the person I'm not. Beep.
     
175. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-29 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-29 Pub. Date: 2014-10-29
Image Number: 118203
Caption: Want me to go with you to Comic Con this year, Lemont? You mean "Candor-Con." They're not allowed to call it Comic Con anymore. Comic-Con sued them because the name's too similar. Candorville's Comic Con argued that the names are totally different because the one in San Diego uses a hyphen. I didn't realize geeks were so litigious. The subpoena was written in Klingon.
     
176. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-05 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-05 Pub. Date: 2014-10-05
Image Number: 116484
Caption: The Economist ran a book review where they called for a more "objective" look at slavery. They whined that "almost all the blacks in [this] book are victims, almost all the whites are villains." What, that surprise you, Big L.? Next thing you know, people gonna look into the slaves' high school records to see if they ever got suspended. Then they gonna go through the slaves' Facebook photos an' if they don't find no thug poses, they'll just Photoshop some gold teeth on the bruthas. They'll say Kunta Kinte stole a pack of cotton balls so he deserved what he got. Good talk, Clyde.
     
177. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-21 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-21 Pub. Date: 2014-09-21
Image Number: 115916
Caption: I just can't stop getting ahead of myself, doc. The other day, I was on a job interview … Dr. Noodle. They're not going to call me back, doc. You don’t know that. When they asked if I had any questions, I asked how secure the retirement pension was. That's not too bad. I asked the interviewer if I could call her "Susan." Still not that bad. ... So you think it wasn't that big a deal when they noticed I'd put a few sandwiches in their refrigerator? ... Do you have any other job prospects? Yeah, but Susan looked at me funny when I asked her for a letter of reference.
     
178. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-07 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-07 Pub. Date: 2014-09-07
Image Number: 115372
Caption: I taught Lionel how to call 911. WHAT?! What that little two-year-old boy ever done to you, Big L? Huh? Cops be outta control, bruh. If there a emergency an' he call 911, there a 50/50 chance the police'll help … an' a 50/50 chance they gonna knock down the door without a warrant, toss in a flashbang grenade, an' pepper spray your toddler before draggin' his dad out in the hallway half naked. What is you thinkin' Big L? He's be better off if you teach him to call Domino's. Well, they would probably get there faster.
     
179. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-31 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-31 Pub. Date: 2014-08-31
Image Number: 115090
Caption: I called my ex-wife and told her I forgive her for leaving me for Guillermo Cabonabong. Wow. After five years? Something told me it was time to forgive. Well, I told you back then, holding onto resentment is only going to hurt you. I'm glad my advice finally sunk in. It's not that, doc. Yesterday, Facebook suggested I add Guillermo Cabonabong as a friend. I quit. When even Facebook says it's time to move on, it's time to move on.
     
180. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-26 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-26 Pub. Date: 2014-08-26
Image Number: 115529
Caption: I met this awesome guy. I think he may be "the one." We talked for hours and never ran out of things to say. He was so interested in what I think, what I do, what I want out of life … We talked about that for hours and hours. Cool. What does he think, do and want out of life? Beats me. I'm sure we'll get around to that once he calls me for a second date. Dios mio.
     
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