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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about calls and calling.

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121. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-13 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-13 Pub. Date: 2016-01-13
Image Number: 137665
Caption: Behold! I have a plan for you. What? Who that? I am the Lord they God. And I have a plan for you, my child. Well what is it? I was just about to get to that. Clyde, I command thee to go forth and spread … I ain't got all night. Hurry up. Never mind, bruh. I lost interest. That's ok, somehow I've lost my train of thought anyway.
     
122. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-25 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-25 Pub. Date: 2015-12-25
Image Number: 136832
Caption: I was having a great Christmas until I turned on the "Ask Sadie Radio Hour." What happened? She went 4.3 minutes before she even mentioned Christmas. The nerve! This war on Christmas is getting totally out of control. So I called in and I told her off. I said she and the rest of the godless, Christmas-hating media should stick their disrespect where the sun don't shine. I said "What part of 'peace on earth, good will toward man' don't you understand, you @#$%&!"? Wait, isn't the "Ask Sadie" show's intro about 4 minutes long?
     
123. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-21 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-21 Pub. Date: 2015-12-21
Image Number: 136828
Caption: Vancouver said she's down for our double date next week, Susan. That's good. Mr. B said he's looking forward to it too. "Mister B"? You call the guy "Mister B"? What's up with that? He calls me "Miss G." It's just a little thing we do. I wonder if our little things are as disgusting as YOUR little things. We only do that when we're rubbing noses.
     
124. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-29 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-29 Pub. Date: 2015-11-29
Image Number: 135319
Caption: Wells Fraggo fraud department, Ryan speaking. How may I hinder you? I just checked my bank account, and it's overdrawn because of several $99.95 charges at zoosk.com. I want to know how this happened, Ryan. … Ok, I just did a Google search. That appears to be an online dating site. ... Also, it seems a lot of other people have complained about this same thing happening to them. It probably happened because someone is stealing ATM card numbers and using them to sign up for accounts. Calling ... Wells Fraggo Fraud Dept. (favorited). No, I mean how come you didn't think there was anything fishy about fifteen $99.95 charges from the same dating site?! Why on earth did you let those payments go through?! We figured you were just really, really desperate.
     
125. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-21 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-21 Pub. Date: 2015-11-21
Image Number: 135318
Caption: Hello, presidential candidate. You've reached the home of Lemont Brown prior to January, 2016. I can't come to the phone right now because the election is a whole year away. And I can only wade through self-serving, misleading ads for about nine months before I start to just tune it all out and say forget all of you. At the sound of the beep, please hang up and call back in February. Beep. Click!
     
126. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-15 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-15 Pub. Date: 2015-11-15
Image Number: 134847
Caption: I think I'm getting jaded, Doc. Dr. Noodle. A few weeks ago, Blingy & Poshman Jewelers in Candorville did something very, very racist. S. Pookie Blackman is a multimillionaire quarterback for the Candorville Chickens. He stopped by to check out some jewelry. As soon as they saw the 6'10" black man coming, the store employees locked the door, begged him to leave, and then when he rang the doorbell, they called the police. But when I heard all that, all I did was shrug and think "I hope he didn't end up buying anything." I see. It's normal. Sometimes your outrage-muscle needs a rest. I was able to work up some anger about the cops who asked him why he had a nice car.
     
127. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-09 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-09 Pub. Date: 2015-11-09
Image Number: 135006
Caption: What's your IQ, Clyde? Why you wanna know, Big L? If I say my IQ 108, you gonna think what I have to say ain't worth spit? An' if I say my IQ be 152 … what then, you gonna suddenly imbue erethang I say wit' fifteen layers of meaning, an' question what you always thought was our dynamic? I think I'd like to go with the 108. Good call, Big L.
     
128. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-08 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-08 Pub. Date: 2015-11-08
Image Number: 134381
Caption: NASA has hinted they'll find "definitive evidence" of alien life within 30 years. What if they're not just talking about microbes? I just read that the Kepler telescope discovered something amazing. Far away, around a star called KIC 8462852, Kepler spotted clumps of what seem to be artificial megastructures orbiting the star. Maybe the reason NASA's so confident they'll find life is because Kepler seems to a Dyson sphere under construction. A Dyson sphere is a megastructure that totally encompasses a start that whoever builds it can harness most of the star's energy output. KIC 8462852 is 1,500 light year away, Clyde. Do you know what that means? It mean you finally out-geeked y'self? It means we're looking 1500 years into the past at what may be the emergence of a type II civilization on the Karshev scale!!!
     
129. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-03 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-03 Pub. Date: 2015-11-03
Image Number: 134722
Caption: Hello, Tara: I just want to say … I love my son more than life itself. My love will always be with him, no matter what happens. I've lived a long life. Seen many things. Gone many places. I have no regrets. By the way, I'm having a major medical procedure done tomorrow. But if my son doesn't call me before then, no big deal. I just don't want HIM to have regrets. (Hopefully I don't accidentally send this text to him, totally by mistake.) (Sigh) Better call momma. People have been known to die from tooth-cleanings. Just saying.
     
130. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-31 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-31 Pub. Date: 2015-10-31
Image Number: 134387
Caption: Last night I took a date to see "Star Trek: The Musical" at the Greek Theater. She didn't like it at all. Not even the climax, were Kirk and Odo tap danced around Klingon Chancellor Martok. I called her a cab. I just won't be with someone who can't appreciate the finer things. Did you decide to call her a cab, or did she ask you to call her a cab? That's beside the point.
     
131. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-20 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-20 Pub. Date: 2015-10-20
Image Number: 133799
Caption: If all them hundreds of mass shootings was bein' done by black men, we'd be confiscating guns tomorrow. When white people arm themselves so they can defend against the government, people call 'em "patriots." When black people do it, like the Black Panthers did, the same people call them "terrorists." This country ain't color-blind, dog, it's color-blinded. You're much less depressing when you just talk about french fries.
     
132. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-19 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-19 Pub. Date: 2015-09-19
Image Number: 132519
Caption: Hello creditor, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because you're trying to collect payment from me. If I pay you today, you won't be able to charge me a late fee, which is how you make a lot of your money. Say "thank you" at the sound of the beep. Beep.
     
133. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-13 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-13 Pub. Date: 2015-09-13
Image Number: 131897
Caption: Whutsis? This is your wake-up call. Very few people are actually excited to see you. Most people could take you or leave you. Saywhat now? Even people who kind of like you don't really trust you. Wrong number … You're just lucky people are more tired of your enemies than they are of you. Most people never want to hear the words "Benghazi" or "email server" again in life. You have the wrong number!!!
     
134. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-29 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-29 Pub. Date: 2015-08-29
Image Number: 131718
Caption: Monopoly Cable, Ryan speaking. How may I hinder you? You dropped CBS. 10% of the shows I watched were on CBS. Since you're giving me 10% less product, I will be paying you 10% less money. Ok sir, that sounds reasonable. Coincidentally, we were about to raise your rates by 10%, so let's call it even.
     
135. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-24 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-24 Pub. Date: 2015-08-24
Image Number: 131713
Caption: I can't get to sleep, Clyde. Say what, Big L? When we were kids and you slept over, we'd talk about aliens and stuff all night if we couldn't get to sleep. Yeh, but uh … when you grown and you can't sleep, you call a woman, not no 'nother dude. That's kinda ... you know ... You think aliens are ever homophobic? Last thing I wanna hear when I'm in bed is a deep voice.
     
136. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-11 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-11 Pub. Date: 2015-08-11
Image Number: 130934
Caption: Robin Thicke's new girlfriend looks an awful lot like his ex-wife Paula Patton. That's so textbook. Textbook? It's right out of chapter 7 of The Guy's Guide to Breakups by Randy "The Rock" Taylor. Chapter 7's called "You Can't Miss Her if You're Dating Her Clone." I really don't want to talk about Robin Thicke. I'm trying to give you a head's up, Susan. Every man's a little bit Thicke.
     
137. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-08 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-08 Pub. Date: 2015-08-08
Image Number: 130588
Caption: Have you called your mom every day this week like I suggested? Yes. But I really think I'm doing her a disservice. When you do something every single day, it's not special anymore. It's a chore. I'm pretty sure I heard her sigh last time she answered. Tell me you're not about to say you're ... I'd be doing her a favor if I called her only once or twice a week.
     
138. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-07 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-07 Pub. Date: 2015-08-07
Image Number: 130587
Caption: You really should call your mom every day, Lemont. She was a single mom who spent every free moment with you. You were her life. Dang. When you put it that way, you make me feel like a real jerk for calling twice a week. Well you should. She wiped your nose. She held you, bathed you, changed you, taught you, and loved you when no one else did. Is she paying you? I don't see what that has to do with my being right.
     
139. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-29 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-29 Pub. Date: 2015-07-29
Image Number: 130316
Caption: Hey momma, remember my roommate from college? Yeah, the one with the poodle. Well guess what … He joined ISIS. Can you believe that? He's a despicable terrorist now. So can you please stop giving me a hard time about only calling you once or twice a week? I mean, at least I'm not rampaging across the Middle East slaughtering people and destroying ancient ruins. ... Hello?
     
140. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-24 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-24 Pub. Date: 2015-07-24
Image Number: 129960
Caption: Lately I've been starting to question my own sanity, doc. Dr. Noodle. Is the world I see around me real? Is my blog really successful? Did Donald Trump really call me "a naïve and short man" while I interviewed him? Or am I imagining it all? Have I created a "Matrix" for myself? A comforting alternate reality? I say your Trump interview, and he really did call you "a naive and short man". Congrats. But how do I know you really just said that?
     
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