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81. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-27 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-27 Pub. Date: 2017-03-27
Image Number: 156197
Caption: Are you still mad at me for not telling you I'm moving to Canada? Well, you don't have to be. I'm not moving. I called every mortgage broker Google knew, and I can't qualify for a mortgage. I'm self-employed. It's a lot harder for self-employed people to get loans. So can we just pretend I never mentioned I was leaving? OK. Glad we got that settled.
82. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-24 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-24 Pub. Date: 2017-03-24
Image Number: 155917
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie Radio Hour. "Lemont" in Candorville, you're on. Yeah. I'm moving to Canada to be with a woman I love. I don't mean right now, I mean maybe next month. Or six months from now. Or maybe next year. Anyway, I'm definitely going. Maybe. Please don't tell me you want to know if you're moving too fast. Of course not. I want to know if I should consider wondering if I'm moving too fast. A Train.
83. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-20 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-20 Pub. Date: 2017-03-20
Image Number: 155913
Caption: I got a panicky call from Lionel's mother last night. She wanted to see him right that moment. But I told her Lionel was fast asleep, partly 'cause her tone worried me. She had one of those "I'm an evil vampire and I'm going to take your precious child and perform some ritual incantation that'll turn him into an evil blood-sucking vampire just like me" tones. I'm not sure there's really any "tone" like that, Lemont. That's because you've never kept in touch with an ex.
84. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-19 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-19 Pub. Date: 2017-03-19
Image Number: 155130
Caption: Dear "journalist," I am offended by your biased hit-piece condemning so-called "Fake News." You wrote " … some of these sites' main sources seem to be their rear ends." Who are YOU to say what's fake and what's real? I don't know that your "sources" are any more "real" than my rear end. I know my rear end. I trust my rear end. You, on the other hand, are a total stranger to me. There's an old saying, doofus: "Truth is in the eye of the beholder." That's actually "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Oh, I suppose one of your "sources" told you that? Sad!
85. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-25 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-25 Pub. Date: 2017-02-25
Image Number: 154806
Caption: That astronomer Neil Degrasse Tyson admitted he was wrong about those deflated footballs the Patriots used two years ago. That's proof that the so-called "global warming" thing is a big fat hoax. You're saying that if someone's wrong about one thing. They must have been wrong about anything they've ever said? Hypothetically. I wouldn't know, since I've never been wrong. The Jungle.
86. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-24 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-24 Pub. Date: 2017-02-24
Image Number: 154805
Caption: Lemont? Where've you been all day? I was waiting for you at lunch and you never showed up. I couldn't. After I dropped Lionel off at day care, everything went wrong. Someone had snatched my wallet, so I had to walk 20 blocks to get home. But my keys were missing, so I tried to climb in the fire escape. That's when I got arrested. Didn't they give you one phone call? I used it to call a lawyer. Forgive me for being so selfish. I waited a whole hour, Lemont.
87. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-06 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-06 Pub. Date: 2017-02-06
Image Number: 154237
Caption: I wanted my life to matter. I wanted to cause ripples in the ocean of existence. I wanted to affect people's lives. I wanted to create a legacy. I wanted my feet to make an imprint in the sand. And the only way to do that is this: When someone calls you to work on something larger than you, you answer, no matter who that person is. I still think Trump was just using you as a photo op when he asked you to help solve the homeless problem. Ben Carson and I had a good conversation. I'm sure he'll be calling me again any day now so we can get down to business.
88. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-02 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-02 Pub. Date: 2017-02-02
Image Number: 153974
Caption: Dick, I just got an angry call from Mr. Trump. He said I blew off the meeting. Didn't I tell you to reschedule the meeting for next week? If you're responsible for us losing a multi-million dollar account, Dick, you're … I'm not, ma'am. You told me not to reschedule the meeting. In alternate fact, you told me to take the afternoon off instead of making that call. "Alternate fact" is not actually a thing, Dick Fink. It's not my fault you don't watch the news, ma'am.
89. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-29 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-29 Pub. Date: 2017-01-29
Image Number: 153149
Caption: It all started back in college when I bought a copy of "Mimic City." It was cheap: About 20 simoleons. Dr. Noodle. I played it night and day. When "Mimic City 2" came out, I rushed out to buy it. And every few years a newer, better one would come out. Every iteration was more advanced than the last. The little mimics who populated Mimic City came to seem more and more real. They had jobs, and love lives, and had mimic kids, and grew old. Eventually, I started to wonder: If my mimics behave as if they're real ... what if they actually believe they're real? Would that make me their God? And, if they think they're real ... what if I only THINK I'm real? What if I and everyone else in Simkind are actually living in some game called "Sim City"? Not to self: Stop self-medicating, and just to be sure, delete games from phone. Thank you, Almighty Noodle, for listening to my prayers. Amen.
90. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-27 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-27 Pub. Date: 2017-01-27
Image Number: 153705
Caption: I'm gonna call momma and see how she's doing. Tell yo momma C-Dog say "how they hangin'." Hey, momma, how're you doing? Clyde says hi. You're still hanging around with that disrespectful, nefarious, good-for-nothing, jheri-curled little goon?! Tell yo momma she all wrong about me. I ain't had no jheri curl since 1987.
91. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-25 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-25 Pub. Date: 2017-01-25
Image Number: 153703
Caption: 1982. Last night I looked across the alley and saw your light on, but you weren't answering your tin can. I didn't know you called me. Maybe the string wasn't tight enough to receive the call. But I was busy anyway. I was writing to my pen pal. Chuck's been having trouble working up the courage to talk to some little red-haired girl. He was even too timid to try my suggested "pull her hair" ice-breaker. That's my best move. I don't know why you men think us women like that. Try my can again tonight, I'll try to get better reception.
92. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-15 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-15 Pub. Date: 2017-01-15
Image Number: 152908
Caption: Hello, you've reached Bung Lee Plumbing. This is Bung. How may I hinder you? Hi Bung. I just got an invoice from you guys for $125 plus a $75 late fee for some work you did in my apartment. But I already tried to pay that bill, two months ago. You guys sent me an invoice that asked me to pay by phone. So I called and gave someone named "Ryan" my Massacard info. He said he'd send me a receipt, but he never did. I just checked with Massacard, and it looks like you guys never ran my card. I'd be happy to give the $125 we agreed upon, but I'm not paying you any late fee. It's not my fault Ryan didn't charge me. Do you have any proof you called and spoke with Ryan? Let me ask you a question: Would this be the first time Ryan screwed up around there? Ok. I'll waive the late fee.
93. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-11 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-11 Pub. Date: 2017-01-11
Image Number: 153088
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I was playing "Simcity" the other day when it occurred to me … We may all be just a computer simulation. There's evidence of that everywhere. All computer programs have glitches, for instance. We see those glitches all the time. We call them "deja vu." I'm pretty sure we've had this conversation before. I knew you were going to say that.
94. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-10 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-10 Pub. Date: 2017-01-10
Image Number: 153087
Caption: Too many women feel entitled. I blame every man who calls his little girl a princess. I told my daughter "You ain't no princess! Take off that @#$% tiara! Ain't nobody gonna 'take care of you' but you." Now that's "real talk." A lot of men feel "entitled," too. Not my son. Made him pay me room an' board ever since he was three. Two packs of bubble gum due first of every month.
95. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-07 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-07 Pub. Date: 2017-01-07
Image Number: 152860
Caption: Hello, wrong number, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. Yes, I am absolutely sure I'm not the person you're trying to call. Feel free to call back a third time just in case I've realized I actually AM the person I'm not. Beep.
96. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-30 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-30 Pub. Date: 2016-12-30
Image Number: 152628
Caption: Ever since I got back from Canada, I've felt like I'm just drifting through my days. Dr. Noodle. Like yesterday, I was interviewing a source I'll call "Deep Throat" at a big pharmaceutical company who told me they're purposely trying to spread the opioid addiction problem to other countries ... because getting people to become dependent on opioid painkillers here has been so profitable. But I ended up just taking Deep Throat to a hockey game. That's normal. For non-Trump-voters, thinking of Canada is a good substitute for opioids.
97. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-29 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-29 Pub. Date: 2016-12-29
Image Number: 152627
Caption: I think the main lesson from this election is, liberal elites should stop looking down on people who think minorities are taking their country. Liberals should be more sensitive to the feelings of those who just worry about their jobs, and about how they can tell jokes about gays and the blacks anymore without being called a bigot. That is clearly the main lesson. Maybe the main lesson is Democrats should nominate someone people like. The other lesson for liberals is they should be conservatives.
98. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-21 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-21 Pub. Date: 2016-12-21
Image Number: 152371
Caption: Ok … but what actually happened when you and Vancouver saw each other again? I want details! Well, after we spent a few days making up for lost time … After we were convinced that our entire lives led us to this point and we were meant to be together ... Oh wait, my pants are vibrating. I'm getting a call. For some reason, I'm starting to sense it all went horribly wrong. Y'know, what I just said to you would've made no sense at all when we were kids.
99. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-23 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-23 Pub. Date: 2016-11-23
Image Number: 151296
Caption: Dick, would you get Lemont Brown on the phone for me? Sorry, it's against my religion. I've converted to being Amish. We're not allowed to use phones, or computers, or copiers … or anything else you might ask me to do. Pretty sure the Amish do use phones, Dick. I'm not sure I'm supposed to be listening to backtalk from the womenfolk.
100. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-17 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-17 Pub. Date: 2016-11-17
Image Number: 151019
Caption: Yeah, I said it, we elected a white supremacist President of the United States. If he's gonna "tell it like it is" about minorities and immigrants and the people who elected him applaud that, then I'm going to "tell it like it is" about Trump. Wow. That's awesome. On MY earth, if a black man is as blunt as a white person, they call him an "angry black man." You're so lucky.
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