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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about being broke .

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-29 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-29 Pub. Date: 2019-12-29
Image Number: 180953
Caption: Why are we here, Michael? First doc, thank you for seeing me on New Years Eve. I'm having a crisis. There we were, sitting around the crackling fire, champagne in hand. We were roasting chestnuts. We were singing Auld Lang Syne. That's when the owners came home early. We jumped out the window but I'm pretty sure Vic left his hammer behind. I see. So you want to know if turning yourself in would make you feel better? I want you to tell anyone who asks, this therapy session began at 1 a.m.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-16 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-16 Pub. Date: 2019-12-16
Image Number: 180855
Caption: I ever tell you 'bout that old piano, bruh? Huh? Which old piano? The one your momma been havin' in the corner of her basement since as long as I can remember. I used to pick the lock an' play the mess out of it while you was in school. It had Property of Hazel Scott engraved on it. I didn't think twice 'bout that. Wasn't till last night I thought to look up who Hazel scott was. How did your Momma get that goddess's piano? You used to break into my Momma's basement?! Focus, Big L. Focus.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-23 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-23 Pub. Date: 2019-05-23
Image Number: 177719
Caption: It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. Mad in Montauk, you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java .Net Cybercafe. My husband and I are getting divorced, and it's gotten bitter and angry. The problem is, we have 43 mutual friends on Facebook, and he's being do unreasonable about which ones are rightly his. You're arguing over custody of your Facebook friends? What the @#$% is wrong with you people?! Obviously they're all yours. Everyone knows it's usually the woman who created the friendships in the first place. Also, I should get the kids, right?
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-21 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-21 Pub. Date: 2018-12-21
Image Number: 175483
Caption: I'm not buying any gifts this Christmas, Clyde. Say what? Buying someone a gift used to mean something. You used to have to go to the store and think about what they'd like. Now that you can just click a button on their Amazon Wish List, you don’t have to put any thought at all into it. It used to be the THOUGHT that counted. Now it's the THOUGHTLESS that counts. You broke, ain't you. (This cartoon was previously published on 2014-12-05)
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-10 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-10 Pub. Date: 2018-10-10
Image Number: 174389
Caption: I think the worst part of being dumped is the thought that you'll just fade away. I mean, you go from being the most important person in someone's life, to being a memory. It's a slow death. You know that every day you become more and more of a distant memory. Until sooner or later ... you're just gone. One of my exes once told me that. I don't remember which one. Maybe you just have a bad memory, Lemont.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-09 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-09 Pub. Date: 2018-10-09
Image Number: 174388
Caption: Did you hear the Ask Sadie show today? They were talking about breakups. Specifically, how to break up with someone without hurting their feelings. I find the best way to protect her feelings is to just disappear. Then she ain't cry at you or nothin'. Just 'cause you're not there to see her cry doesn't mean she's not crying, Clyde. Yeh it do, bruh. It one of them tree fallin in the forest things.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-23 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-23 Pub. Date: 2018-09-23
Image Number: 173981
Caption: Hello, you've reached the Breakeezy warranty department. This is Ryan. How may I hinder you? Hi Ryan. I called last week to tell you the water dispenser on my Breakeezy refrigerator was stuck and pouring water all over my floor. I'd just bought a $400 extended warranty a month earlier. you sent out a repairman, and he fixed it. Then he sent me a bill for $200. He said you told him the repair wasn't covered by my policy! That's right. The fine print clearly states that we don't cover pre-existing problems. It broke a month after I bought the warranty! After!!! That's not pre-existing! The fine print's fine print clearly states that quantum theory suggests time may flow in both directions.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-23 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-23 Pub. Date: 2018-07-23
Image Number: 173087
Caption: So what happened when you broke into that refugee prison? Ixnay on the isonpray. I told you, it's just you and me here. Is it? I already told you, that's not a drone, that's a bird. Ok. But like I said, you can't be too careful these days. I already told you, I'm not smashing my cellphone.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-17 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-17 Pub. Date: 2018-07-17
Image Number: 172926
Caption: Are you saying you broke into the refugee prison to get that story, Lemont? No, I'm notsaying that. Oh. Ok … Wait, are you not saying that, or are you notsaying that, as if notsaying is one word? I'm notsaying either one. Lemont. Come one. Nobody's listening. it's just you and me, here. (Sigh) Never mind. Just tell me in your own words how you got the story. Ok. I'm notsaying it didn't happen this way, but ...
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-24 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-24 Pub. Date: 2018-06-24
Image Number: 172211
Caption: I've left you, Sadie, and I'm never coming back. I've had enough of your slander about me being indecisive. And I'm tired of your likes about how I never do chores. And I'm fed up with you defaming me by telling everyone I snore like a chainsaw. And I'm done with you maligning me by saying I have a poor memory. And I'm done with you maligning me by saying I have a poor memory. You know what else? I've had enough of you slandering me about being indecisive. Never mind, that one's not so bad.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-11 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-11 Pub. Date: 2017-09-11
Image Number: 162597
Caption: Remember that video of police attackin' that blond white woman nurse for just doin' her job? Remember Justine Diamond, white woman the police shot in her pajamas? Remember the hundreds of people of all races unnecessarily shot by cops in the past few years? Remember the huge "All Lives Matter" protests that broke out eretime? Glad to see I was wrong about "All Lives Matter" bein' just another way of sayin' "shut up an' take it, n*****." My "Sarcasm Monday" idea really caught on. Look at Wino Larry over there relievin' hisself. What a beautiful sight.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-20 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-20 Pub. Date: 2017-07-20
Image Number: 160504
Caption: Where are you going? You didn't cheat on me. I know that now. We're ok, Vancouver. Don't "Vancouver" me, Lemont. We are not "ok." We are over. What we has was beautiful and pure. I thought you felt it too. But if you could doubt it just 'cause I had dinner with someone else ... then I was wrong about us. Goodbye, Lemont. Just kidding. I think you're cute when you're jealous, Candorville. Don't do that!!!
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-18 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-18 Pub. Date: 2017-07-18
Image Number: 160502
Caption: I'm so glad I caught you before you left town, Vancouver. So am I, Candorville. But why'd you want to meet here? Why not in the city? I wanted to see where you live. I wanted to meet your little boy. I wanted to show you this video a friend of mine sent me of you cheating on me with some muscle-bound oaf, and I didn't want the horrible memory of me dumping you to taint my city. Also, I wanted a caramel-kiwi mocha, and the only cafe that makes it is out here. Wait ... Back up?
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-27 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-27 Pub. Date: 2017-05-27
Image Number: 158345
Caption: I knew it was only a matter of time till you called me, babe. I called you by accident. Call it fate … call it kismet … call it lokomaika'i … Is that Hawaiian for "accident"? It was only a matter of time till you realized that those other women were really no big deal after all. Phil Anders. Listen to me. I. Called. You. By. Accident. I butt-dialed you. Give us a kiss.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-07 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-07 Pub. Date: 2017-04-07
Image Number: 156469
Caption: Guess who's coming to town, Susan. Turbo! Who? What do you mean, "Who?" Turbo. The guy we used to hand out with, from preschool all the way through college, where you fell in love with him … until you dated him. That lasted like a week before you couldn't stand the sight of him, and then he moved far, far away. That turbo. Doesn't ring a bell. You don't have to wish all your exes to the corn field, you know. I loved that episode.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-23 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-23 Pub. Date: 2017-03-23
Image Number: 155916
Caption: Whachoo gon' move to Canada for, bruh? So what you got some perfect girl up there. That ain't gonna last. Either she gonna get tired of you, or you gonna get tired of her. Or the magic gonna wear off an' you'll find out she ain't "perfect" noway. Only way to keep a perfect relationship perfect is to end it while it still be perfect. That's why your life full of failure, an' my life be full of perfection. Stop making nonsense seem like sense!
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-05 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-05 Pub. Date: 2017-01-05
Image Number: 152858
Caption: I'm not going to buy any gifts this year, Clyde. Say what? Buying someone a gift used to mean something. You used to have to go to the store and think about what they'd like. Now that you can just click a button on their Amazon wish list, you don't have to put any thought at all into it. It used to be the thought that counted. Now it's the thoughtless that counts. You broke, ain't you.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-06 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-06 Pub. Date: 2016-12-06
Image Number: 151814
Caption: It's been a while since I've seen you two. How are you love birds doing? Dr. Noodle. Couples' counseling. Three years ago. Great. Just great. I mean, sure, we were on the verge of breaking up. And sure, the internet is young and hot, and willing to do just about anything I want ... but tv and I have been together forever, so we might as well just stick it out. Oh. So I'm just a habit to you?
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-27 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-27 Pub. Date: 2016-11-27
Image Number: 150904
Caption: I want you back. I'm nothing without you. I'm miserable, baby. I can't work. I can't sleep. I've been binge eating. I've been so depressed, I haven't brushed my teeth in months. I've put on eighty pounds. I got three cavities. I've developed sleep apnea. My foot tingles all the time, so I may have caught the diabetes. My life is horrible, just horrible! Yes. Yes, that is my best pitch. That's how horrible my life has become without you!
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-05 broke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-05 Pub. Date: 2016-06-05
Image Number: 143701
Caption: I love you. I made a mistake. That other woman meant nothing to me. Will you come back to me, boo? I want you back. You say I "need to show you I'm making an effort"? I'm calling you, aren't I? Nobody actually calls anyone anymore. I could've just texted you a sad-face emoji followed by a broken-heart emoji, but I wanted to show you how sincere I am that you're the only one for me. Ok, Siri, send that voice text to Amber, Kelly and Denise.
     
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