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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about break-ups and breaking-up.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-11 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-11 Pub. Date: 2017-09-11
Image Number: 162597
Caption: Remember that video of police attackin' that blond white woman nurse for just doin' her job? Remember Justine Diamond, white woman the police shot in her pajamas? Remember the hundreds of people of all races unnecessarily shot by cops in the past few years? Remember the huge "All Lives Matter" protests that broke out eretime? Glad to see I was wrong about "All Lives Matter" bein' just another way of sayin' "shut up an' take it, n*****." My "Sarcasm Monday" idea really caught on. Look at Wino Larry over there relievin' hisself. What a beautiful sight.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-20 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-20 Pub. Date: 2017-07-20
Image Number: 160504
Caption: Where are you going? You didn't cheat on me. I know that now. We're ok, Vancouver. Don't "Vancouver" me, Lemont. We are not "ok." We are over. What we has was beautiful and pure. I thought you felt it too. But if you could doubt it just 'cause I had dinner with someone else ... then I was wrong about us. Goodbye, Lemont. Just kidding. I think you're cute when you're jealous, Candorville. Don't do that!!!
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-18 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-18 Pub. Date: 2017-07-18
Image Number: 160502
Caption: I'm so glad I caught you before you left town, Vancouver. So am I, Candorville. But why'd you want to meet here? Why not in the city? I wanted to see where you live. I wanted to meet your little boy. I wanted to show you this video a friend of mine sent me of you cheating on me with some muscle-bound oaf, and I didn't want the horrible memory of me dumping you to taint my city. Also, I wanted a caramel-kiwi mocha, and the only cafe that makes it is out here. Wait ... Back up?
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-05 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-05 Pub. Date: 2017-07-05
Image Number: 159981
Caption: Lemont interviews California Assembly Speaker Anthony Rendon (D). You single-handedly blocked SB-562, the popular single-payer bill that had already passed the state Senate. That's right. It lacked specifics. I refused to allow the assembly to consider it because it was woefully incomplete. Well ... why didn't you just complete it? Isn't completing it something the assembly can do, Mr. Assembly Speaker? Bsssht ... Bsssht... You're breaking up ...
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-27 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-27 Pub. Date: 2017-05-27
Image Number: 158345
Caption: I knew it was only a matter of time till you called me, babe. I called you by accident. Call it fate … call it kismet … call it lokomaika'i … Is that Hawaiian for "accident"? It was only a matter of time till you realized that those other women were really no big deal after all. Phil Anders. Listen to me. I. Called. You. By. Accident. I butt-dialed you. Give us a kiss.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-07 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-07 Pub. Date: 2017-04-07
Image Number: 156469
Caption: Guess who's coming to town, Susan. Turbo! Who? What do you mean, "Who?" Turbo. The guy we used to hand out with, from preschool all the way through college, where you fell in love with him … until you dated him. That lasted like a week before you couldn't stand the sight of him, and then he moved far, far away. That turbo. Doesn't ring a bell. You don't have to wish all your exes to the corn field, you know. I loved that episode.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-23 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-23 Pub. Date: 2017-03-23
Image Number: 155916
Caption: Whachoo gon' move to Canada for, bruh? So what you got some perfect girl up there. That ain't gonna last. Either she gonna get tired of you, or you gonna get tired of her. Or the magic gonna wear off an' you'll find out she ain't "perfect" noway. Only way to keep a perfect relationship perfect is to end it while it still be perfect. That's why your life full of failure, an' my life be full of perfection. Stop making nonsense seem like sense!
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-06 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-06 Pub. Date: 2016-12-06
Image Number: 151814
Caption: It's been a while since I've seen you two. How are you love birds doing? Dr. Noodle. Couples' counseling. Three years ago. Great. Just great. I mean, sure, we were on the verge of breaking up. And sure, the internet is young and hot, and willing to do just about anything I want ... but tv and I have been together forever, so we might as well just stick it out. Oh. So I'm just a habit to you?
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-27 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-27 Pub. Date: 2016-11-27
Image Number: 150904
Caption: I want you back. I'm nothing without you. I'm miserable, baby. I can't work. I can't sleep. I've been binge eating. I've been so depressed, I haven't brushed my teeth in months. I've put on eighty pounds. I got three cavities. I've developed sleep apnea. My foot tingles all the time, so I may have caught the diabetes. My life is horrible, just horrible! Yes. Yes, that is my best pitch. That's how horrible my life has become without you!
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-05 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-05 Pub. Date: 2016-06-05
Image Number: 143701
Caption: I love you. I made a mistake. That other woman meant nothing to me. Will you come back to me, boo? I want you back. You say I "need to show you I'm making an effort"? I'm calling you, aren't I? Nobody actually calls anyone anymore. I could've just texted you a sad-face emoji followed by a broken-heart emoji, but I wanted to show you how sincere I am that you're the only one for me. Ok, Siri, send that voice text to Amber, Kelly and Denise.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-22 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-22 Pub. Date: 2015-12-22
Image Number: 136829
Caption: I know where we should go for our double date, Susan. We should go see "Star Wars." We can all dress up. I'll go as Lando Calrissian, you would go as Cinnabon Leia, and your date could go as Jek Porkins. Porkins was that x-wing guy who didn't last two minutes in his mission over the Death Star. It's kind of appropriate, when you think about it. Hey, I've had a few long ... ish ... term relationships.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-26 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-26 Pub. Date: 2015-11-26
Image Number: 135625
Caption: I was going to break up with this girl I've been Facebook-chatting with. Bussaba Benjakalyani, from Bangkok. She's really nice. I didn't want to just unfriend her, so I went to her Facebook page to chat. Come to find out, she's already unfriended me. Could you believe that? That violates one of the cardinal rules of dating-someone-you've-never-met-over-Facebook. Well now you gotta get her to re-friend you, jus' so you can unfriend her.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-25 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-25 Pub. Date: 2015-11-25
Image Number: 135624
Caption: Did you hear the "Ask Sadie" show today? They were talking about breakups. Specifically, how to break up with someone without hurting their feelings. I find the best way to protect her feelings is to just disappear. Then she ain't cry at you or nothin'. Just 'cause you're not there to see her cry doesn't mean she's not crying, Clyde. Yeh it do, bruh. It one of them "tree fallin' in the forest" things.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-24 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-24 Pub. Date: 2015-11-24
Image Number: 135623
Caption: Why are you even thinking about breakups, Lemont? I thought you were all ga-ga about some chick from Vancouver. That's why I'm thinking about it. I'm just so surprised at how into her I've gotten in just two months. It has me thinking I should break up with all the other ladies I've been talking to, since they don't make me feel the same butterflies. Dios mio, Lemont. You've never even met any of them. Just unfriend them. I don't want to be the guy who causes pain everywhere from Kansas to Bangkok.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-23 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-23 Pub. Date: 2015-11-23
Image Number: 135622
Caption: I think the worst part of being dumped is the thought that you'll just fade away. I mean, you go from being the most important person in someone's life, to being a memory. It's a slow death. You know that every day you become more and more of a distant memory, until sooner or later ... you're just gone. One of my exes once told me that. I don't remember which one. Maybe you just have a bad memory, Lemont.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-13 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-13 Pub. Date: 2015-10-13
Image Number: 133793
Caption: It's been a while since I've seen you two. How are you lovebirds doing? Dr. Noodle. Couple's counseling Great. Just great. I mean, sure, we were on the verge of breaking up. And sure, the internet is young and hot, and willing to do just about anything I want ... But TV and I have been together forever, so we might as well just stick it out. Oh. So I'm just a habit to you?
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-11 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-11 Pub. Date: 2015-08-11
Image Number: 130934
Caption: Robin Thicke's new girlfriend looks an awful lot like his ex-wife Paula Patton. That's so textbook. Textbook? It's right out of chapter 7 of The Guy's Guide to Breakups by Randy "The Rock" Taylor. Chapter 7's called "You Can't Miss Her if You're Dating Her Clone." I really don't want to talk about Robin Thicke. I'm trying to give you a head's up, Susan. Every man's a little bit Thicke.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-18 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-18 Pub. Date: 2015-07-18
Image Number: 129549
Caption: Guess what happened on my date the other day, Lemont. You had a date? I'm so happy for you. Soon you'll have a second date, and a third, and then it'll be a full-blown relationship, complete with hand-holding, imagining what your kids will look like, and awful fights. Then you'll get tired of him and concoct a reason to discard him like a used Kleenex. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. Some people can know you too well.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-28 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-28 Pub. Date: 2015-06-28
Image Number: 128375
Caption: Hello Concast Cable? This is Lemont Brown. I'd like you to stop calling me. You don't really want that. Yes, I do. Stop trying to get me back. It's over. It's satellite isn't it? I could give you more than satellite gives you just give me a chance. No, its not ... Listen, it's not you, it's not satellite. A couple years ago, I discovered Roku. And all of a sudden, Roku gave me Netflix, and Hulu, and Crackle on my tv ... and all of a sudden I had what I never knew I'd been missing. So you see, it's not you, Concast ... it's me. You're just saying that. Yeah. I am. it IS you. You and your stupid van and your smug attitude and your crazy hidden fees. It would be a shame if I were to raise your broadband bill and then you couldn't afford to stream Netflix. See? This! This is exactly the sort of thing that made me leave you!
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-19 break-up 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-19 Pub. Date: 2015-02-19
Image Number: 123054
Caption: Why would you ask if I fooled around with Sasha Mitchell? Because you once told me she was the love of your life. Because three years ago, you two were texting and Facebooking all the time. Because you told me you called it off after you found out she was married. ... And because I just found out she's been divorced for two years. There can be only one reason you and she didn't run off together as soon as her divorce was final. Stop trying to put two and two together, you're terrible at math. Homewrecker!
     
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