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Candorville

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181. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-04 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-04 Pub. Date: 2015-05-04
Image Number: 126505
Caption: Sup, Big L. Hold on. I'm calling on this disposable phone … to see if you're the one who swiped my iPhone. 'Course if you did steal it, you'd have to be pretty dumb not to put it on silent. See? It is on silent. Who's the dumb one now? (This cartoon was published originally on 2013/04/15).
     
182. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-28 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-28 Pub. Date: 2015-04-28
Image Number: 126131
Caption: Lemme see that paper when you done widdit, Big L. Why? You don't read the news. You couldn't care less about the news. Unless … Unless you're expecting to read news that's about you. … What did you do, Clyde? I'm offended that you asked. Besides, I'm workin' on a alibi.
     
183. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-26 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-26 Pub. Date: 2015-04-26
Image Number: 125568
Caption: Anyone who thinks we ever really went to the moon is a complete idiot. Youtube has tons of videos on this. Humans couldn't possibly have survived a trip through the Van Allen Radiation Belt. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Not true. According to Dr. Van Allen himself, the notion that radiation should've killed those astronauts is "nonsense." Well how come we can't see the astronauts' footprints? That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Not true. Other countries have snapped pictures of the landing sites, and just a few years ago the lunar reconnaissance orbiter took photos of the footprints. There were no stars in the old films. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. The exposure settings were calibrated to get good shots of the extremely bright lunar surface. They couldn't do that and capture the relatively dim stars at the same time. You moon-landing-ists have an answer for everything. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Thousands of people could never keep a secret that big for 46 years! That's what they want you to think.
     
184. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-15 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-15 Pub. Date: 2015-04-15
Image Number: 125564
Caption: Sorry I dunked on you in front of your little boy, Big L. That be insensitive right there. An' I'm sorry I swatted that ball from out your hand in front of your baby boy every single time you tried to take a shot. That was wrong too. An' I'm sorry I pulled your shirt up over the top of yo' head in front of your boy when I won, Big L. Are you sorry you keep reminding me of all that in front of my little boy? Not really.
     
185. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-14 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-14 Pub. Date: 2015-04-14
Image Number: 125563
Caption: Did you see how slow Walter Scott ran when he ran from that cop, Big L? Looked like when you try an' run in a swimming pool. That how slow the brotha was movin'. If I'm ever scared enough of a cop to wanna run from him, I hope I remember that even SLOWLY running away gon' give him an excuse to say he "feared for his life." Cartwheels, dawg. They ain't never shot no brotha who cartwheeled away. Better Google that to be sure.
     
186. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-11 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-11 Pub. Date: 2015-04-11
Image Number: 125203
Caption: Why you always readin' that newspaper, Big L? Because I want to know what's happening in the world. Why? A man only has so much room in his head; why fill it up with stuff that ain't got spit to do with you? You ever seen a hamster worryin' about global warming? No, he just want his pine nuts. Hamsters don't eat "pine nuts", Clyde. See? Why you even know that? You ain't never had no hamster.
     
187. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-10 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-10 Pub. Date: 2015-04-10
Image Number: 125202
Caption: Big L, your checkin' account be overdrawn. Really? Thanks for … wait, how do you know I'm overdrawn? You might wanna warn a brotha next time. That !@#$ was embarrassin'. I had to put back all my groceries. I knew a decoy account was a good idea.
     
188. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-07 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-07 Pub. Date: 2015-04-07
Image Number: 125199
Caption: Dick, I stepped out for two minutes to find a spoon, and when I returned, my chicken soup smelled a lot like Ex-Lax. The laxative. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? I don't know what you mean, Ms. Garcia. Anyway, if for ANY reason you're unable to give that big presentation today, I could totally step in for you. No thanks, Dick. I'll be fine. I didn't eat it. You look thirsty. Let me bring you some tea.
     
189. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-06 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-06 Pub. Date: 2015-04-06
Image Number: 125198
Caption: I can't stand ISIS, Big L. They ruined everything. "ISIS" used to be the best woman name there was. 'Member that show "The Secrets of Isis" from the seventies? A hot archeologists find a amulet … that let her turn into a even hotter Egyptian superhero. I ain't NEVER seen a woman that fine since, Big L. Clyde ... I changed my mind. Let's not talk politics. I'ma Youtube the mess outta that when I get home.
     
190. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-01 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-01 Pub. Date: 2015-04-01
Image Number: 124959
Caption: Hi, I'm just checking on your return policy. No, it's exactly what I ordered. No, it's not defective. No, none of the accessories were missing. It's just that … you know how sometimes things just don't fit you like you thought they would? Yeah, they said I can return my new shoes.
     
191. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-15 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-15 Pub. Date: 2015-03-15
Image Number: 123843
Caption: Giuliani was right. Obama doesn't love America. When you love something, you love it warts and moles and all. You have a mole. In fact, when you love something, you don't even point out its warts and moles. I noticed it years ago, but I don't remember it being that big. Pointing out warts and moles only hurts your loved one's feelings. Dude ... You might wanna get that thing checked. Daily Nutjob. Obama wet bed as child, covered it up. Also confesses to having red "Little Red Riding Hood." You hate me, just like Obama hates America. Do you even OWN a mirror? Has aversion to pepper spray. Why?
     
192. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-07 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-07 Pub. Date: 2015-02-07
Image Number: 122422
Caption: The Astronomer Neil Degrasse Tyson admitted he was wrong about those deflated footballs the Patriots used. That's proof that the so-called "global warming" thing is a big fat hoax. You're saying that if someone's wrong about one thing, they must have been wrong about anything they've ever said? Hypothetically. I wouldn't know, since I've never been wrong. The Jungle.
     
193. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-03 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-03 Pub. Date: 2015-02-03
Image Number: 122418
Caption: How was I supposed to know it was innocent? You asked me to "hold something" for you. Never in the history of man has that turned out well for the person who's said "ok." Yeah, well Big Oatmeal an' the rest of the boys found it in my closet. All I could think of to save my rep was to say "I sell them things for $5 at the playground." I'm still not helping you break into "Big Oatmeal's" house to steal back your Teddy Ruxpin. You ain't no real friend.
     
194. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-20 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-20 Pub. Date: 2015-01-20
Image Number: 121832
Caption: Where was you for the last half hour, Big L? An' did anyone see you there? If not, no matter what anyone ask, you say I was with you. I was with you the whole time. You got that? I was in a bathroom stall. I was not … with … you … You got that? (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-01-02).
     
195. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-31 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-31 Pub. Date: 2014-12-31
Image Number: 120839
Caption: Ok, let's do the math, Big L. Yeh, you loan me about $2 every other day. But that ain't the whole story. Who watch your baby boy for you when you workn'? Who kept you from gettin' butt-whupped all through school? At minimum wage, baby-watchin' fees woulda come to $15,000 by now. 12 years of bootyguard fees woulda run you a quarter million dollars. You sure you really want us to start payin' what we owe each other? Stop making sense!!!
     
196. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-23 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-23 Pub. Date: 2014-12-23
Image Number: 120256
Caption: I want my baby boy to have the same values I have. So he needs to know the people who raised me. Don't look at me like that. I wasn't looking at you, Big L. I am not being defensive. If you want him to watch "The Cosby Show," that's your business.
     
197. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-21 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-21 Pub. Date: 2014-12-21
Image Number: 119939
Caption: When other people get attention, I'm not jealous, I'm happy for them. That's just the kinda guy I am. Like when my little brother, Halloween, has his day, I'm always the first to say 'good for you.' Everyone gets a turn to shine. I always get the whole month of November to myself, after all ... at least till Black Friday officially puts the spotlight on my big brother, Christmas. But this year, Chris sent out 'Black Friday' ads the day after Halloween! People just skipped right over me! The middle child usually has it rough. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for that overrated @*$%.
     
198. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-20 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-20 Pub. Date: 2014-12-20
Image Number: 120254
Caption: I'm gonna throw up, an' I don’t want you to make a big deal out of it. If you see somethin' that look like your house key, don’t assume I swallowed it so I could make a copy of it later. For all you know, it's just a carrot. I need new friends. Carrots look a lot like house keys. (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-06-14)
     
199. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-19 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-19 Pub. Date: 2014-12-19
Image Number: 120253
Caption: Not throwin' up is … All about … Mind over … Matter, Big L. Thug 4 Life. I just focus on somethin' else … Like how we about to … Pick up yo' son … From day care. … An' like how he got curly red hair … Just like a slipp'ry plate of … Slimy spaghetti … Ohgawd … This is not going to end well. Mind over OH gawd ... Thug 4 Life. (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-06-13)
     
200. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-17 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-17 Pub. Date: 2014-12-17
Image Number: 120251
Caption: Is that roll of sandpaper next to your toilet always there, or do you just break it out for guests? Another stereotype bites the dust. Thug 4 Life. Some of us don't need cotton-puff ultra-soft 6-ply pansy-wipes, Big L. There's literally a role of sandpaper next to your toilet. Look there's just some things you don't want people doing in your house. (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-04-27)
     
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