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Candorville

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381. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-10-12 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-10-12 Pub. Date: 2009-10-12
Image Number: 39582
Caption: Ready for your flu shot? Ready for my flu shot. Y'know, you're fairly cute for someone who's a willing participant in the government's conspiracy to send healthy people into pharmacies where they'll run into sick people … … in order to pad the profits of the big Kleenexes and the big Nyquils. ... but I bet you hear that from all the guys. Oh, constantly.
     
382. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-10-01 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-10-01 Pub. Date: 2009-10-01
Image Number: 39056
Caption: If you're so worried, why don't you just go get a flu shot? Because that would play right into THEIR hands. Huh? They want us all to rush down to the hospital or the pharmacy for these shots. They know some of the people will already be sick. … And that those of use who AREN'T will CATCH the flu from those who are. Then we'll all have to spend billions on tissue. Big Kleenex is diabolical. Of course.
     
383. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-27 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-27 Pub. Date: 2009-09-27
Image Number: 38664
Caption: Random man on the street, explain to me why you think health care reform is "socialism." Simple, Bob. Anytime BIG GOVERNMENT steps in and keeps the free market from doing whatever the @#$% it wants to us, that's socialism. Like the other day, I was having a heart attack ... called 9-1-1. County wanted to send me an ambulance to take me to the nearest cardiac unit. That's socialism. No way do I want government deciding where I'm going to go. I see. Go on ... I called several different ambulance companies, said I wanna go to the best cardiac unit in America, and asked them to submit competitive bids. And then? I died before any of them got back to me, but at least it was MY CHOICE.
     
384. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-20 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-20 Pub. Date: 2009-09-20
Image Number: 38474
Caption: You don't run much, do you? I run a lot. Monday I ran six miles. Tuesday I ran fifteen miles in under three hours. Wednesday I ran about ten miles to work and back. Thursday was my big run. I ran 26 miles, all the whole city. Thup thup thup thup thup thup thup. Friday I ran fifteen miles again. Sounds like you need a car.
     
385. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-15 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-15 Pub. Date: 2009-09-15
Image Number: 38469
Caption: Hey, Al Mendoza! Can't really talk right now, brother, I have a column due in an hour and I have writer's block. Yeah, that's why I called! SO Mari an' I are driving down on Sloat and Sunset, and there's this big white van. Says "Chucho's Hauling" on the side. But IT'S ALWAYS THERE! For like a month it hasn't moved at all! What's Chucho Hauling, gravity? ... You can use that in your column. Anyway, there's something there. Make it work. Peace! GET OFF THE PHONE!
     
386. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-04 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-04 Pub. Date: 2009-09-04
Image Number: 38001
Caption: I ain't never told nobody this, Big L, but … one time … I wanted to kill myself too. (Sniffle) you did? Yeh, an' it was over a woman. She was e'rething to me. When she left, it was like my world got ripped away from me. I was empty. I didn't know who I was no more. But you know what kept me going? Grand larceny? YEAH! See you gotta just remember what you good at, an' do it!
     
387. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-03 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-03 Pub. Date: 2009-09-03
Image Number: 38000
Caption: I just wanna die. I wanna die. I wanna die. I wanna die! I can't stand knowing that she's with some other man who doesn't deserve her. Big L, you've got to … Have you made out a will? Yes. Am I in it? No. Big L, you've got to LIVE. You've gotta go on with your life!
     
388. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-08-31 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-08-31 Pub. Date: 2009-08-31
Image Number: 37997
Caption: Big L, whachoo doin' sitting in here where it all dark and depressing? It's life, Clyde. Life is a dark, hopeless abyss of darknessy hopelessness. Nothing means anything. Nothing's important. It's all a futile waste of … How'd you get in my apartment? That's not important right now.
     
389. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-26 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-26 Pub. Date: 2009-07-26
Image Number: 36433
Caption: You're right, Mr. Brown. We sent you a misleading ad suggesting that if you'd consolidate all your debt onto our card, that would help lead to good credit. Then when your other creditors saw the large balance you put on our card, they thought you were a credit risk and lowered your credit limits. ... And since that was OUR FAULT, it's wrong for us to lower your credit limit just because other creditors lowered their limits. One second .. Ok, I've restored your high credit limit. Please accept our apologies. Wow, I didn't expect y-- Hey, Big L ... Here's all the money you ever loaned me since we was kids. With interest. NOOOOOOO!!!!
     
390. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-13 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-13 Pub. Date: 2009-07-13
Image Number: 36189
Caption: Iran. Two weeks ago. What're you doing here? Covering the big story. Don't interrupt. Boom! Bam! Aaah. Sorry. He's rude. Continue. My sisters are still fighting in the streets for our voice to be heard. And the tyrants are still killing us. Bam! But the world has a short attention span. I am afraid the world will soon move on and forget all about us. Pow! Death to tyrants! God is great! Ouch! Again, you're avoiding my question: How did Michael Jackson's death affect you? Aaaah! Nooo! Oh dear, God!
     
391. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-05 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-05 Pub. Date: 2009-07-05
Image Number: 35949
Caption: Would you like a lid for your mocha, sir? Seriously? Do I look like I need an ADULT SIPPY CUP? I'm a grown man. I've been drinking from big boys cups from decades now. No thanks. She needs one, though. She didn't order anything.
     
392. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-18 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-18 Pub. Date: 2009-06-18
Image Number: 35247
Caption: Whatcha doin' Big L? I'm writing a credo. Every writer should have a credo. It's a personal statement summarizing everything I'm passionate about. Then whenever I feel lost, I'll read it, and it'll remind me who I am. "I like cheese." YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO READ ANOTHER MAN'S CREDO.
     
393. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-17 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-17 Pub. Date: 2009-06-17
Image Number: 35246
Caption: Susan, wait! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blow up at you. I'm just... A jerk? What? No, I'm just having a bad day. Feeling lost. Like the great author in the sky wrote some plan for my life in a long-dead language I'll never understand. You never feel that way, do you? You've always had everything mapped out. Year 29: Be a big shot @ an advertising agency. Year 30-something: Deny having written life plan to spare aimless friendl's feelings. No. No. I have not. Are you checking something off?
     
394. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-24 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-24 Pub. Date: 2009-05-24
Image Number: 33646
Caption: I'm tired of people blaming big business for this awful recession. It's not the banks' fault that people accepted ridiculous loans the banks offered them. And I'm tired of people whining about how the banks got billions in bailout money but the people got next to nothing. We "the people" didn't fight a revolution to rob the multinational corporations of their right to give us all the shaft. Yes we did. Google "East India Company." Can't. Bank repossessed my computer.
     
395. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-19 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-19 Pub. Date: 2009-05-19
Image Number: 33641
Caption: Hi Momma. …I know I didn't call you on Mother's Day last week. Aren't you proud. …Because you always told me not to fall for hustlers. And Mother's Day's nothing but one big hustle. There's only one PURE holiday, Momma. Only one holiday that isn't some scheme to waste money on cards and flowers. I'll call you on Groundhog Day. ...Hello?
     
396. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-29 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-29 Pub. Date: 2009-03-29
Image Number: 31247
Caption: I'll start with the original "Star Wars." Then "Empire." That way you preserve the big surprise about Luke's dad. Then "Episodes 1&2." "The Clone Wars" cartoons, and then "Episode 3." They'll be like a flashback someone tells Luke while he's healing from the whole hand thing. They'll give time to build anxiety over Han's fate, and they'll set up Vader's redemptive journey. Which I'll then finish by watching... ...That's right, baby, "Return of the Jedi." Dios mio. Not at all what I meant when I said "You should write a five-year plan." Pshht. Five years? I could do it in five days. There are ways. You don't even wanna know.
     
397. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-28 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-28 Pub. Date: 2009-03-28
Image Number: 31152
Caption: Yo Big L, you shoulda been at the club tonight, it… Susan? I guess you're wondering why I'm here. It certainly wouldn't be because I took a dog for a walk, then next thing I knew, I was at Lemont's place, unlocking the door, inviting the dog in. And I certainly wouldn't have seen the dog log on to Lemont's iMac, delete a bunch of files, and EAT his external hard drive. Ok. You have a key? I always gotta use a hairpin. Can't you at least listen to me in my DREAMS?!
     
398. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-27 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-27 Pub. Date: 2009-03-27
Image Number: 31151
Caption: Give it up one more time for Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele, erebody. Clap. Yeh, all right. An' he wants y'all to know he'll be appearin' next Thursday down at day-day's car wash for the next leg of his "Get people we've belittled and demonized for decades to like us tour." Next up, make some noise for my main man, the original gangsta, the big... the bad... HENRY KISSINGER! "Da k-sizzle in da hizzhouse." What does this even mean, Michael Steele?
     
399. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-26 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-26 Pub. Date: 2009-03-26
Image Number: 31150
Caption: We spent 30 years demonizing big cities, the welfare queens, the stars with fake… (Oops, lost my notecard…) (Oh, here it is) …identities. Lysol, get the hook. Guess what I'm sayin' is, that made you mad. But I think we can fix it with a simple "my bad." Back! Back! I know karate! WAOOWOAAAAH! Get off the stage!
     
400. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-01-29 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-01-29 Pub. Date: 2009-01-29
Image Number: 29703
Caption: What do you mean my friends are a "bad influence"? Well let's take "C-Dog," your thug friend… He's clearly the reason you brutally murder defenseless animals. I like burgers! Big deal! And let's take "Susan," your upwardly mobile advertising executive friend. She's... ...Let's take your thug friend. Let's take YOU.
     
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