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Candorville

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321. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-09-21 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-09-21 Pub. Date: 2011-09-21
Image Number: 65727
Caption: Look, Lemont, I don't know what's going on between Sasha and Webster, and neither do you. You haven't even seen her in sixteen years. But she's married, to a guy who may be abusive. I know you want to be a friend, but this is a warning signal, like a big yellow traffic light. And you know what yellow traffic lights mean. Prepare to stop. Floor it and cross your fingers.
     
322. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-08-14 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-08-14 Pub. Date: 2011-08-14
Image Number: 64314
Caption: I know what you're saying: It's time for me to get out there again. Put myself back on the market … that I've been burned so many times, but that shouldn't cause me to build a wall around my heart and never let anyone in again. But, Susan, I … feel like it's just too soon. (A), It's been several months now, Lemont, and ... (B), "Stargate Universe" getting canceled isn't that big a deal. But this one was especially hard ... 'cause I thought it was going so well in the end. Maybe it was me. Maybe I didn't watch enough. No, Lemont, wait ... wait, yes ... oh ... Go get a girlfriend.
     
323. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-08-11 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-08-11 Pub. Date: 2011-08-11
Image Number: 64169
Caption: Roxanne loves Lionel too. And she's rich. So why does he need me? Simple: I love him and he loves me ... but there's also the big picture, Judge. The social dynamics, set in motion by slavery's destruction of the black family unit ... have created a culture in which generations of black men have grown up estranged from our feathers. "Fathers," I mean. Sorry, I'm not used to saying that word. Objection, the petitioner is being a drama queen.
     
324. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-07-31 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-07-31 Pub. Date: 2011-07-31
Image Number: 63739
Caption: Last month, I watched NASA launch the very last space shuttle mission, ever. It's been a whole month and I haven't heard anyone even talk about it. I remember watching the first shuttle launch, when I was six. It pre-empted Romper room. That's how big a deal it was. We don't dream big as a country anymore. We don't believe we can rebuild our roads, let alone get to Mars. I see ... Dreaming is over. This still doesn't explain why you're stuck on a girl who treats you badly. When you deserve so much more. If the country doesn't dream big, why should I?
     
325. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-29 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-29 Pub. Date: 2011-05-29
Image Number: 61192
Caption: Confirmation bias. Huh? It's where a person decides something to be true … … And then they look only for examples that prove they're right, and ignore all the ones that show they may be wrong. Like, for instance, someone who decides a politician is awful will dwell on his failures - no matter how tiny they may be - and ignore or marginalize his accomplishments, no matter how huge they are. What's this have to do with you being a big-ass nerd? You're ignoring my vintage Tupac collection. Don't nobody but a nerd say "vintage."
     
326. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-26 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-26 Pub. Date: 2011-05-26
Image Number: 61189
Caption: I vaguely recall that I was summoned here, to life, on official business. Like I have an important part to play in some big deal … … But I've been sitting in this lobby a long time with my briefcase, waiting to be called into the meeting room. I have a feeling they've forgotten i'm out here. I'm sorry, are you still talking?
     
327. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-17 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-17 Pub. Date: 2011-05-17
Image Number: 60997
Caption: How your custody battle goin', Big L? Terrible. Roxanne's pretending she's never even heard of me. Uh oh … that's THE BIG LIE. Ain't nary a defense against the BIG LIE. It's easier to believe it than to accept that someone low 'nuff to make up a lie that blatant. You'd have a better chance if she'd said something that was sorta true ... Y'know ... like if she said you was poor, inadequate, slovenly, sorta fat, ne -- I GET IT.
     
328. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-04-15 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-04-15 Pub. Date: 2011-04-15
Image Number: 59640
Caption: Lemont? I’m sorry I'm messing up your custody case. But I'll do better, honest! Your son should get to be with his dad. Especially since you're not in Afghanistan. What? Mommy says I can't meet my dad 'cause he's in Afghanistan driving soldiers all over in a big metal truck. She says he used to drive them from the base to their missions, but now he drives them from Earth and heaven. ... Oh. How much gas do you think that takes?
     
329. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-04-02 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-04-02 Pub. Date: 2011-04-02
Image Number: 59017
Caption: Wait! Sasha! Don’t run away! If it makes you feel any better … I've got a confession too. Tap tap tap tap t … Back in college, I was working at the security desk, and you brought down your little teddy bear; and you sat him in front of me and told me that his name was "Lemont, Jr." Oh God, you must've been so scared! No. This is my confession: I liked it. It sounded ... really, really good to me. And I wasn't scared at all. How is it you can make me smile so big from hundreds of miles away? Because you can't see me crossing my fingers from there.
     
330. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-22 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-22 Pub. Date: 2011-03-22
Image Number: 58862
Caption: Where you been, Big L? Japan. The paper sent me to cover the search for survivors, after that huge tsunami. Did you bring me anything? Yes, I brought you an angry glare and a friend who can't believe even you could be that selfish at a time like this. Well I hope you saved the receipt, so I can exchange that @#$%.
     
331. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-14 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-14 Pub. Date: 2011-03-14
Image Number: 58576
Caption: I was gonna come waste my valuable time testifying at your custody hearing last night, Big L … but my grandma died, all sudden an' #@$%*. Oh man … I'm sorry to hear that, Clyde. I really am … but the hearing's still going on. You can come tonight. Um ... sure-wait ... tonight? Can't dawg. We expecting her to have a relapse tonight. Wait ... I was at your grandma's funeral. In 1994. It's a chronic thing.
     
332. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-12 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-12 Pub. Date: 2011-03-12
Image Number: 58318
Caption: Hello UPS-guy, you've reached Lemont Brown in apartment 3B. I'm not here at the moment … … because I'm downstairs in the bushes holding a big net. I'm waiting for you to buzz my apartment just once before leaving a "sorry we missed you" slip and trying to take off before I have a chance to answer. At the sound of the beep, turn around 'cause I'm standing right behind you.
     
333. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-06 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-06 Pub. Date: 2011-03-06
Image Number: 58098
Caption: Y'know what dawg? I'm tired of people talking spit about Obama's negotiating skills. They don't see the big picture. What big picture is that? He doesn't seem to believe in bartering. The ancient art of demanding more than you want, letting the other guy get outraged about it, and then settling for what you really wanted. Obama offers all his compromises before the other side even really asks for them. Like last month, we proposed slashing a program that helps poor people stay warm in the winter. Yeh, but think of what that'll do for the fur coat and graveyard sectors. I don't think "big picture" means what you think it means. He gonna have the undertaker vote lined up in 2010.
     
334. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-26 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-26 Pub. Date: 2011-02-26
Image Number: 57547
Caption: Facebook Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. Hey, Lemont. I know you had a big day in court today, I just wanted to see how you're doing . Also, BTW, I had this weird dream last week, on Valentine's Day. Only when I woke up, I realized it was actually a MEMORY. I don't know if I should tell you ... It was Valentine's Day, 1995, around midnight. I was laying on your bed in the dorms just watching you write an article for the school paper. I recall being really happy and feeling rally honored that you let me do that. I had such a crush on you, Lemont. It was SO embarrassing. Lemont, I ... Lemont? Lemont? Are you there? MUST ... NOT ... HIT ... SEND ... It's "lying," not "laying," Sasha. SEND.
     
335. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-13 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-13 Pub. Date: 2011-02-13
Image Number: 57044
Caption: Let's say you DID give a brutha $2 to get you some Doritos … Let's say instead of acquiring said Doritos, this dexterous young man adroitly utilized it to procure a propitious thesaurus app for his iPhone. And let's say this gentlemen intents to employ commodious colloquy to obfuscate and confound while absconding with other people's currency. Hypodermically speaking, of course.
     
336. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-12 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-12 Pub. Date: 2011-02-12
Image Number: 57043
Caption: I don't see why you want custody anyway, Big L. Roxanne doing you a favor demanding full custody. This your chance to get away free! No responsibilities, no obligations. I grew up without a father, Clyde. Tsk … so did I, and look at us now! Yeah, 50/50 odds aren't good enough for my son. Don't be so hard on y'self.
     
337. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-01-30 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-01-30 Pub. Date: 2011-01-30
Image Number: 56625
Caption: Whutsis? This is your wake-up call. No matter what you say or do, they'll call you a socialist who's trying to destroy capitalism. Saywhat now? You could give every CEO a big wet kiss … Wrong number … … And they'd say you're forcing businesses to buy chapstick. Also, your ears aren't getting any smaller. YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER!!!
     
338. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-01-28 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-01-28 Pub. Date: 2011-01-28
Image Number: 56623
Caption: Why don't you wanna take your antipsychotic medicine, Big L? Is it 'cause it's all a scam perpetrated by big pharmaceutical companies … … who don't want you to know you could get antipsychotic effects for free if only WEED were legalized? It's 'cause I think maybe they're making me fat. Well ... yeh, but I was tryna be polite.
     
339. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-01-25 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-01-25 Pub. Date: 2011-01-25
Image Number: 56620
Caption: I've been having this dream for months, and it's getting stronger each time. You and I are lost in Mexico, being chased by wolves, drug cartels, el chupacabra and big foot … I make a deal with a demon, then half-vampire manipulates me, and I accidentally destroy the world. What does this all mean, doc? A new flat-screen for me.
     
340. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-12-22 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-12-22 Pub. Date: 2010-12-22
Image Number: 55457
Caption: Why should I loan you two dollars, Clyde? It's Christmas time, Big L. I'm only thinking of you, bruh. You're gonna get me a two-dollar gift with my own money? Nah, that's just silly. I'ma use it for bus fare when I go return the gift you give me.
     
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