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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about bells.

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301. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-30 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-30 Pub. Date: 2019-03-30
Image Number: 176944
Caption: What are you looking at? Haven't you ever seen a man ordering coffee before? Best. Dad. Ever. I'll also have a raspberry muffin. What? Reason #7 not to have kids.
     
302. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-29 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-29 Pub. Date: 2019-03-29
Image Number: 176943
Caption: My boy asked me to sing him some nursery rhymes last night. So I sang him Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Mary had a Little Lamb. Then he demanded more, but I just … blanked. I suddenly couldn't remember any. So I sang him Purple Rain to the tune of Mary had a Little Lamb. You ain't never been good under pressure, dawg. Then he asked me what weekend lover meant, so I had to pretend I'd fallen asleep.
     
303. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-28 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-28 Pub. Date: 2019-03-28
Image Number: 176942
Caption: Your article about the electoral college was riddled with inaccuracies. You mean my humor column? The electoral college not a for-profit, fake real estate training program started by James and Ivanka Madison to defraud people out of their life savings. It was a joke. And Hollywood actors and rich CEOs did not bribe people to get their spoiled kids into the electoral college. It was a joke. (Sigh) People always get extra-literal when their worldview is challenged. We're talking about my view of the electoral college, not of the world.
     
304. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-27 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-27 Pub. Date: 2019-03-27
Image Number: 176941
Caption: Lemont, I don't think millions of people watch Star Trek: Discovery. Parrot Analytics found Discovery had 24,859,094 average demand expressions per week. Other shows with those numbers had between 4 and 7 million viewers per episode, according to Nielsen Ratings. Parrot Analytics? You can't refute something just by questioning it in a skeptical tone. I can't? Stop that?
     
305. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-26 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-26 Pub. Date: 2019-03-26
Image Number: 176940
Caption: Wanna know how I know Star Trek: Discovery is a big deal? How? There are conspiracy theorists on Youtube trying to debunk it. I've seen people debunk the JFK assassination. I've seen them debunk the moon landing. Never in my life have I seen people try to prove that an insidious cabal of tv executives is deceiving fans into thinking a tv show is actually set in the universe they say it's set in. Their hour-long video about how the uniforms are 25 percent different from Captain Kirk's almost lured me in. Dios mio.
     
306. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-25 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-25 Pub. Date: 2019-03-25
Image Number: 176939
Caption: Did you know that every week, millions of people gather on social media and Youtube for one purpose … which is to bash Star Trek: Discovery. They go over every last detail that they hated about each week's episode. All these gigantic online crowds of people seem to agree on one thing. Which is? That nobody watches it.
     
307. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-24 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-24 Pub. Date: 2019-03-24
Image Number: 176623
Caption: I liked your latest article, The Living Chain of History. Thanks. When I was a kid, I met the last person who ever interviewed a slave. That slave's grandfather was Thomas Jefferson's slave. That means I spoke with someone who spoke with someone who spoke with someone who spoke with Thomas Jefferson. I'm only three spokes removed from a conversation with one of America's Founding Fathers. That's why you wrote No wonder we do all this horrible !@#$? Our society couldn't be more than $600 spokes removed from cavemen.
     
308. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-23 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-23 Pub. Date: 2019-03-23
Image Number: 176840
Caption: I've decided to get Elon Musk to send me for a trip around the moon in two years. I set up a Gofundme page to crowdsource money for it. My goal is to raise ten billion dollars. That shouldn't be too hard, considering there are seven billion people on earth. Non of whom are going to give you a dime. I hope not. That would only come to seven hundred million. Annoyed? How'd you like to send me far away? Here's a link to my Gofundme.
     
309. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-22 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-22 Pub. Date: 2019-03-22
Image Number: 176839
Caption: Boss, if you could be any animal on earth, which one would you be? I'm glad you asked, minion. I'd be a nocturnal, camouflaged Wobbegong at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. There I'd lie in wait, ever vigilant, ever hungry ... ever ready to devour any creature large or small unlucky enough to brush against my whiskers. I'm going to back away now. No, no ... don't back away, minion ... That's when the Wobbegong will get you.
     
310. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-21 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-21 Pub. Date: 2019-03-21
Image Number: 176838
Caption: Randy, if you could be any animal there is, which one would you be? Easy: I'd be a Bonobo monkey. But not just any Bonobo monkey, I'd be the king of all Bonobo monkeys. They resolve all their conflicts with a little good, old-fashioned, hot, steamy lovin'. They're the best animal to be. DO you agree? Totally, of course. No conflict here.
     
311. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-20 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-20 Pub. Date: 2019-03-20
Image Number: 176837
Caption: Sadie, I just heard they discovered seven earthlike planets around a single star. Three of those planets are in the habitable zone, so they might just support life. I am just so excited! I guess what I'm asking you is ... were you this excited when earth was first discovered? Almost as excited as when I first discovered vengeful retribution.
     
312. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-19 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-19 Pub. Date: 2019-03-19
Image Number: 176836
Caption: I'm tired of being an alt-right internet superstar. It's way too much work now that I've got 48,000 subscribers to my Youtube channel. Since when do you have 48,000 subscribers? Since my debut video detailed how indigenous people from Foreignvania faked the moon landing by using teddy bears and special effects. I developed a unique following that's part racist, part conspiracy-enthusiast, part Photoshop user, and part Care Bear fanatic. Yeah ... I'm tired just listening to that. It's getting tough to craft stories that keep them ALL entertained.
     
313. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-18 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-18 Pub. Date: 2019-03-18
Image Number: 176835
Caption: I'm thinking of becoming a radical alt-right internet sensation. Ok, that's it. You can't just go along with every new trend there is. Some people are painters. Some are musicians. Some compose symphonies. My innate talent is sensing incoming trend waves and surfing their peaks and troughs as with the grace of a dolphin. Being a lemming is not a talent, little buddy. And I'm not sure dolphins "surf." Hold on ... trend wave incoming! It involves ... corduroy ... No, wait ... pancakes.
     
314. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-17 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-17 Pub. Date: 2019-03-17
Image Number: 176613
Caption: Dear journalist, I am offended by your biased hit-piece condemning so-called Fake News. You wrote … some of these sites main sources seem to be their rear ends. Who are YOU to say what's fake and what's real? I don't know that your sources are any more real than my rear end. I know my rear end. I trust my rear end. you, one the other hand, are a total stranger to me. There's an old saying, doofus: Trust is in the eye of the beholder. That's actually Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Oh, I suppose one of your sources told you that? Sad! Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
     
315. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-16 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-16 Pub. Date: 2019-03-16
Image Number: 176729
Caption: Did you see Trump's speech at CPAC last week? Nah, bruh. You catch the Cornel West vs. Diamond and Silk debate on reparations? Where was that? Youtube? Cable news? Twitch? Facebook? Instagram? Periscope? Vimeo? Streamshark? Ustream? Netflix? Broadcast tv. Oh. No, I'm still trying to figure out how to stream that.
     
316. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-15 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-15 Pub. Date: 2019-03-15
Image Number: 176728
Caption: You sure in trouble now, Big L. All I did was write an article quoting what Ilhan Omar actually said … and pointing out that most of the people we see loudly insisting it was antisemetic seem to not be Jewish. I've seen a lot of Jewish people coming to her defense. So maybe it's more complicated. That's all I wrote ... so I have no idea why Congress passed a resolution against me. Ain't nobody in the mood for complicated no more, bruh.
     
317. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-14 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-14 Pub. Date: 2019-03-14
Image Number: 176727
Caption: Well, you look down, Lemont. What's wrong? What could possibly be wrong? Today, the White House revoked my press credentials for asking one too many questions about Jared's security clearance … and the Democratic party revoked my press credentials for asking one too many questions about the whole Israel issue ... and Dizzyland revoked my season pass because of that expose I wrote about their horrible hourly pay. I still can't believe so many of their Ricky Mouses and Ronald Ducks are homeless.
     
318. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-13 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-13 Pub. Date: 2019-03-13
Image Number: 176726
Caption: This just in: Police arrest 80 protesters and journalists after the D.A. refuses to indict officers for shooting an unarmed … Click. North Korea is rebuilding a nuclear missile test site and appears to be targeting your house. Click … in London, second man appears to have been cured of HIV. Side effects of the cure include drowsiness, sneezing and zombiism. Click ... Gilligaaaan, the Skipper tooo ... the millionaire ... Mun mun mun -
     
319. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-12 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-12 Pub. Date: 2019-03-12
Image Number: 176725
Caption: My son asked me what my favorite number is. I thought Who has a favorite number? Then I remembered, I did. When I was a kid, I loved the number eight, because it reminded me of infinity. Nuh-uh, Big L. You tol' me you loved it 'cause it was the only number that reminded you of food. You sure? i remember being a much more profound kid.
     
320. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-11 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-11 Pub. Date: 2019-03-11
Image Number: 176724
Caption: I agree with Steven Spielberg: If it's made for Netflix, it's not a movie. A movie is something made for a big giant screen in a big giant dark room where you watch it with big giant crowds munching on big giant tubs of popcorn. A movie is something you can loudly talk over to register your opinion with the masses. you almost had me. it's a communal experience.
     
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