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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about bells.

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281. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-14 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-14 Pub. Date: 2019-01-14
Image Number: 175840
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? Jasmine barns, the little black girl who was killed in a shooting. When the police said the suspect was a white man, I was shaken. I was scared. I was afraid it was one more example of racism getting out of control in America. But when the police later said no, the real killer were black ... I felt ... I felt ... relief. That's normal, Lemont. Don't be too hard on yourself. How bad off are we when we can think Oh good, it's just normal gun violence.
     
282. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-13 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-13 Pub. Date: 2019-01-13
Image Number: 175590
Caption: I'm doing well in my latest Surveymonkey poll. I run polls on all my social media accounts every time I make an important decision. Like when I decide which socks to wear … which movie to stream … which cereal to eat … Today I chose Lucky Charms. A solid choice. 49% of my followers felt that was proof of sound breakfast judgment. Wait ... Doesn't that mean 51% thought it wasn't? Taking a poll is science. Reporting the results is an art. A whopping 32% felt that my sticking with an un-PC breakfast choice showed I was bold enough to be president. You just ate what everyone wished they could eat.
     
283. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-12 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-12 Pub. Date: 2019-01-12
Image Number: 175741
Caption: This country's overrun with people who hate talking about racism more than they hate racism itself. I wrote an article about a breaking story. I called it White Man in a Pickup Truck Shoots into Black Family's Car, Kills Seven-Year-Old. Hundreds of people replied Why do you have to bring race into it? Bet they came up with all kinds of excuses. On of them said Some pickup-truck drivers just really don't like cars.
     
284. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-11 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-11 Pub. Date: 2019-01-11
Image Number: 175740
Caption: I can't believe it's so cold all of a sudden. What ever happened to global warming, am I right? It's freezing today, in the middle of winter. That proves all those global warming scientists are total frauds. Stop trying to push my buttons! Science shmience.
     
285. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-10 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-10 Pub. Date: 2019-01-10
Image Number: 175739
Caption: Once the sun swallows the inner solar system, we'll probably have to live on one of Saturn's moons like Titan. Imagine gazing at a golden sunset over a red ocean, beneath the blue rings of Saturn. We've got 7.6 billion years. That should be plenty of time for us to learn how to breathe methane ... but you know how people like to procrastinate. I still disagree that we're doomed.
     
286. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-09 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-09 Pub. Date: 2019-01-09
Image Number: 175738
Caption: The universe is expanding so fast that in one trillion years, all evidence of the Big Bang will have disappeared from view. Oh wow. About 600 million years from now, earth will experience its very last solar eclipse. In less than 100 million years Saturn's rings will be gone. It's amazing that we live at exactly the right time to witness these things. That's a beautiful point, Lemont. You should stop there. In just one year, Game of Thrones will be over forever.
     
287. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-08 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-08 Pub. Date: 2019-01-08
Image Number: 175737
Caption: William Shakespeare didn't really write any of those plays. Biggie an' Tupac faked they own deaths. We never went to the moon. Elvis an' Hitler faked they own deaths. Lizard people fun the world. Yo momma never loved you. When Name Your Favorite Conspiracy Theories Goes Wrong. Your girlfriend be cheatin' on you.
     
288. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-07 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-07 Pub. Date: 2019-01-07
Image Number: 175736
Caption: What's the best way to ask my boss for a promotion? C-Dog's incredibly bad advice $2. You say you got other options, so she better hook you up right quick or you out the door. That's the same advice you gave me about asking women out. Here's the secret 'bout life: Every relationship be the same relationship.
     
289. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-06 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-06 Pub. Date: 2019-01-06
Image Number: 175478
Caption: I'm thinking of buying an income property. That's 'cause I'm already paying one mortgage that I barely qualified for, so I didn't think I'd qualify for another. But YouTube videos told me I'm not supposed to get a new mortgage. I'm supposed to get a home equity line of credit, and use that heloc to pay cash for my investment property. A heloc is usually 80% of the equity a homeowner has in the home. And I have lots of equity. What's lots? 20% of what I bought it for. Wait ... didn't you buy your shack for $8,000? I can get a pretty sweet income property in Chernobyl for 80 percent of $8,000. But your heloc wouldn't be 80% of $8,000. It'd be 80% of 10% of $8,000. Yeah. I figured that out. That's why my realtor and I are scoping out underwater caves off the Siberian coast. That's why you wanted to borrow my scuba gear.
     
290. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-05 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-05 Pub. Date: 2019-01-05
Image Number: 175661
Caption: Hey, little buddy. Your Uncle Mort is in DC getting sworn in. The President sprained his Twitter thumb. A climate-change-fueled monsoon just swamped the island nation of Ala Ala Ozo. Go away, Randy! Facebook was caught compromising out privacy again. A warthog ran wild downtown, injuring twelve. GO AWAY! Just filling you in on what's been happening since you weren't there. GO AWAY!
     
291. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-04 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-04 Pub. Date: 2019-01-04
Image Number: 175660
Caption: What're you doing here, Mort? What do you mean? Shouldn't you be in DC right now? The new Congress was sworn in yesterday. I don't follow. You're missing … wait … you do know you won your election, right? I what my what? You mean that actually happened? It wasn't an Imodium-induced hallucination? The Blue Wave Congress is a motley crew.
     
292. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-03 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-03 Pub. Date: 2019-01-03
Image Number: 175659
Caption: Hey boss, it's been 2019 for three days now. I'm just wondering, when am I getting my year-end bonus? About that, minion. I've discovered that your year-end bonuses are taxable. Ipso facto, the year-end bonus actually costs you money. That's why instead of giving you $1,000, I'll be taking $1,000 from your paycheck. That way you'll owe less taxes. You're welcome. Very. Bad. Man.
     
293. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-02 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-02 Pub. Date: 2019-01-02
Image Number: 175658
Caption: Ever since I was five and saw The Menagerie, I wondered what it'd be like to see a Star Trek series featuring Captain Pike. I'm finally getting that, sort of, on season 2 of Star Trek Discovery. Proves nothin', bruh. I ain't even sure what that all mean. It's like you threw a bunch of random nerd words together an' pretended it made a point. Captain Picard is back, too. And so's The Orville. I'm just sayin, that and a new season of the expanse means 2019 is the year miracles happen. Stop that.
     
294. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-01 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-01 Pub. Date: 2019-01-01
Image Number: 175657
Caption: I read your article about how 13,000 or so years ago, an apocalyptic catastrophe cause an ice age that lasted 1,000 years. The Younger Dryas cold period. And 1,000 years later, that ice age suddenly ended, maybe in a single day, causing a global flood. It would explain the sudden disappearance of a lot of megalithic civilizations ... the end of Atlantis ... all the ancient flood myths ... we may have come close to extinction. I'm just saying, there've been worse years. 2018 wasn't that bad, Lemon.
     
295. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-31 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-31 Pub. Date: 2018-12-31
Image Number: 175656
Caption: This year's been awful. Babies in concentration camps … journalists under attack … school shootings … Dr. Noodle. What right do I have to be upset about my own personal problems when all that's going on? I'll repeat the question: You and your girlfriend haven't visited each other in over a year. What do you think that means? How can you talk about that when we have only twelve years to stop climate change? Very interesting. M.A.
     
296. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-30 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-30 Pub. Date: 2018-12-30
Image Number: 175374
Caption: Your suggestion didn't work, Susan. Thinking about baseball should have worked. Did you do it right? What do you mean? Did you think of the boring, repetitive parts? I tried. I thought about the batter swinging the bat around in the on-deck circle … The runners going around and around the diamond ... the batters swinging and almost always missing ... But instead of distracting me, it relaxed me. It wasn't boring, Susan. It was rhythmic. Baseball is a Zen-like experience that puts you into a trance. It frees the mind and makes it easier ... not harder ... for your mind to wander where you don't want it to go ... so it didn't stop me from wondering who's going to run for president in 2020. Ok, plan B: Try doing long division in your head.
     
297. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-29 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-29 Pub. Date: 2018-12-29
Image Number: 175589
Caption: Well, another year is coming to a close. I'd like to thank you for a job well done, nemesis. I just serve coffee. Yes, but you do it so poorly, as if you have the coordination of a two-year-old. And ever word out of your mouth is vapid and narcissistic. Day in and day out, you have provided me with a slovenly example of youth that makes me feel very, very good to be old. So ... good job. Thank you for being you, loser! I love being important.
     
298. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-28 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-28 Pub. Date: 2018-12-28
Image Number: 175588
Caption: Huh? What do you mean lost my mind? I read your article where you put Facebook on blast … You said they was givin' companies access to read, write and delete people private messages an' whatnot … but the next day, you sent me a private message sayin' Disregard my article, I was wrong and I'm a total fraud. What the -- I never wrote anything like that!! Your message said your alcoholism might make you forgetful.
     
299. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-27 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-27 Pub. Date: 2018-12-27
Image Number: 175587
Caption: Sometimes being a journalist is really frustrating, Clyde. Take this Facebook story … My sources told me they were letting companies like Netflix and Spotify read, write and delete people's private messages. I asked all three companies if it was true, and all three weaseled out of answering. It's just like when I ask friends if they're ready to repay the $2 I loaned them, and ... Clyde?
     
300. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-26 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-26 Pub. Date: 2018-12-26
Image Number: 175586
Caption: This is Facebook. Mark Zuckerberg speaking. Hi. I'm publishing a story tomorrow about how you were letting companies like Netflix and Spotify read private messages. Do you admit that you did that? Facebook's partners don't get to ignore people's privacy settings, and it's wrong to suggest that they do. It's a yes or no question. We are focused on developing clearer policies.
     
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