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Candorville

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21. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-16 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-16 Pub. Date: 2019-11-16
Image Number: 180303
Caption: How come you ain't fillin' your prescription at the pharmacy, bruh? My insurance is refusing to cover memory-loss meds. Don't worry, I got you. Whachoo need? I got Aricept, Exelon, Razadyne, Criscolon, Franaphran … Did you just make some of that up? Dilithiumanadyneaphran ...
     
22. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-15 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-15 Pub. Date: 2019-11-15
Image Number: 180302
Caption: Where you been, Big L? At the doctor's. I realized I'm forgetting a lot of my youth. I don't remember much at all between ages six and nineteen. The doctor said forgetting all that time could mean I'm developing Alzheimer's, or it could mean I'm repressing something horrible. Clyde ... Between which ages did we hang out the most? Why you ask? No reason.
     
23. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-14 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-14 Pub. Date: 2019-11-14
Image Number: 180301
Caption: Remember when we were kids, you wanted to write a story about a white slave in an alternate-universe America run by black slave owners? I've been wanting to read that book ever since. You should really write it. How do you remember that? I don't even remember that. That's why I explained to you the importance of keeping a meticulous journal, on April 11th, 1982. I don't remember that.
     
24. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-13 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-13 Pub. Date: 2019-11-13
Image Number: 180300
Caption: 1982. When I grow up, I want to write Roots 2, where we find out it was all just a dream. Kunta Kinte's dream? No, Chad Cunningham's dream. He's a white slave in a society run by black slave owners, in a world colonized by Africans instead of Europeans. Now do Wizard of Oz. A munchkin finds himself in Kansas, being chased by an angry sheriff ...
     
25. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-12 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-12 Pub. Date: 2019-11-12
Image Number: 180299
Caption: 1982. Momma says I should be a teacher when I grow up. I said I want to be a writer, and she said 40 years from now, nobody's gonna read.. I said I want to be an astronaut, and she said we already did the moon, and 40 years from now, NASA's gonna be out of a business. Why a teacher, though? Momma said The one thing we know people will still be doing in 40 years is making kids. So I asked her how they make kids. That's when she said I should be an astronaut. My mama can never make up her mind either.
     
26. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-11 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-11 Pub. Date: 2019-11-11
Image Number: 180298
Caption: 1982. You want to be what, Lemont? A Jedi. I'm already practicing. But that's just a movie, Lemont. It's not really real. I think all stories are real. I think writers only think they made them up. I think what's really going on is, the universe is alive. And writers are the universe's way of remembering incidents that really happened. Is this about how Mrs. Drake gave your book report an F? My remembering of the incident is every bit as valid as the author's.
     
27. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-10 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-10 Pub. Date: 2019-11-10
Image Number: 180284
Caption: My Uncle Elroy passed away. I have so many regrets. We were never all that close. But he was always there, for all my graduations, for all the family dinners, and to take me to ballgames. But the last three years, our relationship was … not good. We argued all the time about Donald Trump. Oh my. He fell for ever conspiracy theory. He'd send me link after link to dailynutjob.com, and I'd respond with links of my own to actual news, to scientific journals, etc. The last time we messaged each other, he accused me of being part of the Deep State, and I accused him of being gullible. I see. You regret that you wasted his last years on earth arguing about Donald Trump. I regret that Uncle Elroy's not here to see Donald Trump finally get impeached.
     
28. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-09 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-09 Pub. Date: 2019-11-09
Image Number: 180285
Caption: I sense the tides have shifted, Rosencrantz. The pendulum has reversed its swing. A page has been turned. A new character has entered stage left. And nothing will ever, ever be the same. The tale has been sent down a fateful path, which ends either in exaltation or oblivion, we know not which. Oh ... wait ... perchance I just have gas. Serves you right for stealing my week-old sandwich.
     
29. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-08 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-08 Pub. Date: 2019-11-08
Image Number: 180282
Caption: Even after all these years, Momma still won't tell me who my father is. All I know is, she met him when she was a waitress at a casino in Vegans, back in the seventies. I feel like she owes it to me to tell me. Your mom gave you life, raised you all by herself, worked from sunup to sundown to give you everything you needed ... Yeah, she really does owe you something. Glad you agree.
     
30. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-07 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-07 Pub. Date: 2019-11-07
Image Number: 180266
Caption: How old was that microwave oven you sold me, anyway? Why? Well, when I heated up my midnight Hot Pocket, I stood before the unit staring into its window, as I'm wont to do. When it dinged, I tool out my savory snack, fastened my bib, and turned around to find that my shadow had been burned into the wall. it might be a little old. I want my $5 back, with interest.
     
31. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-06 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-06 Pub. Date: 2019-11-06
Image Number: 180253
Caption: All children go through a crisis when they first realize their parents aren't perfect. Tell me about it. Dr. Noodle. After Lionel calmed down, I convinced him I wasn't purposely trying to kill the neighbor by selling him a microwave that might cause cancer ... or at least I thought I did. That night, flashing lights and a siren woke me from a deep slumber. I looked out the window and saw the police and the coroner were at the neighbor's apartment. It's a good idea to hide the phone for the duration of the crisis. Scribble scrib- Lionel later told me he'd called anonymously, using the name Daniel Tiger, so I wouldn't get locked up. He's so smart.
     
32. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-05 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-05 Pub. Date: 2019-11-05
Image Number: 180233
Caption: When my little boy got home from day care and found out I'd sold the microwave, he started sobbing. He asked who bought it. I said A neighbor. He whimpered and blubbered But I don't want the neighbor to have it! I want us to have it! … I tried to make him feel better by telling him it's best not to have one anyway, because all microwaves leak radiation and that can cause cancer ... and that's when you son accused you of trying to murder your neighbor? I never realized how horrible a person I was until my son started asking questions.
     
33. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-04 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-04 Pub. Date: 2019-11-04
Image Number: 180230
Caption: But I can't get rid of it. Momma told me it belonged to my father, and to his father before him. I never knew either of them. Susan, the only family heirlooms I have from them are my hat, my antique pocket watch and this. A microwave oven is not a family heirloom, Lemont. Get rid of it. But Grandpa Brown warmed up his rations with it during the Korean War. It's time, Lemont.
     
34. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-03 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-03 Pub. Date: 2019-11-03
Image Number: 180101
Caption: I'll have a gentle flower chamomile tea. That's a good choice, Uncle Mort. Of course you'd say that!!! You're in the pocket of the chamomile industry! You feed at the chamomile trough!!! Here. Delicious. Thanks. I'm glad you're finally taking the doc's advice and laying off the caffeine. That's what you think! I just swallowed seven caffeine tablets with it!!!! Forget the doctors! Big chamomile is in cahoots with big medical insurzzzzzzzz. Addiction is an ugly thing.
     
35. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-02 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-02 Pub. Date: 2019-11-02
Image Number: 180107
Caption: If I promise to get you a new book tomorrow, will you go to sleep? Awe you exthtowting me? Am I Ukwaine? What do you mean Am I Ukraine? Where did you hear language like extorting? Are you listening at my door while I'm watching the news, again? You know you're not supposed to do that. If you'we impeached, do I become the new daddy? Go ... to ... sleep.
     
36. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-01 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-01 Pub. Date: 2019-11-01
Image Number: 180106
Caption: Everyone goes through this at one time or another, Lemont. It's important not to worry about what other people think of you, if you know you're doing the right thing. It's important to get to a place of self-confidence, self-assurance, peace. Whatever. I still think your new Get your 10 psychosis treated free punchcards make you look tacky. And yet I'm at peace with that.
     
37. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-31 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-31 Pub. Date: 2019-10-31
Image Number: 180105
Caption: What do you mean It's all Apple's fault? In 2006, we weren't this polarized. Around 2008, the concept of objective reality died. Suddenly there was a website to back up every perspective, birther or not … science or anti-science … sane or not … Suddenly we wanted validation instead of straight talk. It's obvious what conditioned us to pick and choose our own realities ... Apps. I think you're still just mad the new iPhone cost you $1,000.
     
38. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-30 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-30 Pub. Date: 2019-10-30
Image Number: 180104
Caption: You really need to stop conducting experiments on your readers. What? All I did was run a page of news about Democrats. And then the next day, I ran the same news only I switched the Democratic names out for Republican ones. And then almost every commenter who bashed the politicians the first day made excuses for them the second day. And vice versa. Your readers are not lab rats, Lemont. Of course they're not. the rats responses the same way both days.
     
39. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-29 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-29 Pub. Date: 2019-10-29
Image Number: 180103
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? A lot of my readers have turned one me. All because I wrote an article called The New McCarthyism about how Democrats took legit intelligence about Russian interfering in our elections … and went way too far with it. Now, one Democrat will accuse another Democrat of being a Russian bot if that Democrat even mildly critiques a Democrat that Democrat likes. You sound like a Russian bot. That's what my readers said.
     
40. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-28 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-28 Pub. Date: 2019-10-28
Image Number: 180102
Caption: I wish you'd stop bashing Hillary Clinton, Lemont. I didn't bash her. All I did was write an article saying it was irresponsible to accuse Tulsi Gabbard of being a stooge of Russia without better evidence. I didn't know you were a Tulsi supporter. You don't have to be a supporter to speak up when someone's treated unfairly. What species do you think you belong to? Homo Fairpiens.
     
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