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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about bells.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-23 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-23 Pub. Date: 2018-05-23
Image Number: 171760
Caption: You want to sleep, son. You know why? Because your dreams are waiting for you. As soon as you sleep, you'll be running through a big, wide field of grass, playing tag with Kermit the Frog. Then you'll be soaring up in the clouds with the birdies and with a flying unicorn. Then you'll be driving a big red fire truck on the rings of Saturn. You dreams are the only place you can do these things without the authorities taking you away. Zzzz ...
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-22 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-22 Pub. Date: 2018-05-22
Image Number: 171759
Caption: Son, daddy needs to go night-night. Want to help me go night-night? Ok, I'll help you. Thank you. If you climb under your covers and stay very very still and very very quiet … it'll make me go to sleep, like magic. Only you can do that for daddy, Lionel. That makes you important. I can't help you. If I do, you'll never learn to thleep on your own. If you need daddy, he'll be over here curled up in the fetal position.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-21 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-21 Pub. Date: 2018-05-21
Image Number: 171758
Caption: You know what gets me about terrorists? The really frustrating part? It's that we all know them. What do you mean? You know how you come across someone online who has completely wrong view of reality … but when you give him facts that prove him wrong, he just gets angry and condescending and treats you like you're subhuman trash. Terrorists are internet trolls come to life. You can't ever, ever get rid of internet trolls. I wish the world could just unfriend them.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-20 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-20 Pub. Date: 2018-05-20
Image Number: 171354
Caption: I feel like I'm starting to hate everyone, doc. Dr. Noodle. I hate the stranger who shook his head in disgust at me when he saw I was in an interracial relationship. I hate the lady who cut me off in traffic and almost ran me off the road this morning. I hate the dentist who convinced me I needed a $350 month guard when I could've bought one just as good for $25 at Target. I hate the Girl Scout who sold me six disgusting boxes of ten-year-old Samoa cookies. That's ... then? I hate myself for not noticing she had to have been at least 23 years old.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-19 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-19 Pub. Date: 2018-05-19
Image Number: 171506
Caption: Whachoo wanna watch, Big L? The end of hatred. I want to watch the end of terror, the end of war, the end of killing, the end of brutality. The end of people having to live in fear of other people. I want to watch mankind finally decide to just get along with itself. I don't think that be on. Sigh. Just put on Gilligan's Island.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-18 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-18 Pub. Date: 2018-05-18
Image Number: 171505
Caption: Last week, I called NASA to ask why they'd suddenly canceled yet another moon mission Whachoomean another moon mission? You still believe we ever went to the moon? NASA say they erased the original footage so they could reuse the tape for other @#$%. You believe that, bruh? It could happen. I taped over my high school graduation by accident. I know you think highly of yourself, but your graduation wasn't the most important moment in the history of mankind.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-17 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-17 Pub. Date: 2018-05-17
Image Number: 171504
Caption: You really should've invested in Rudycoin, Clyde. My $100 investment shot up to $10,000 overnight. Did you cash that @#$% in, bruh, or let it ride? I think I cashed it in. Whachoomean you think? I saw my balance was $10k/100k Rudybits, and under it there were two buttons. I chose the one that said Rudycash, which seemed more likely to cash in my earnings than the button that said HODL Rudypower. Stop it. I don't know what any of that mean, other than you gonna lose your whole life savings. Stop hodling on to the 20th century.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-16 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-16 Pub. Date: 2018-05-16
Image Number: 171503
Caption: I just invested in Rudycoin. You invested in whaty-what? It's a new cryptocurrency. I missed out on Bitcoin and Ethereum and all the rest, so I jumped on this one. It's good to diversify one's portfolio. Since when you had a portfolio, Big L? You ain't got no portfolio. Do too. Most you got is a manila envelope.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-15 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-15 Pub. Date: 2018-05-15
Image Number: 171502
Caption: So … Clyde and I were playing basketball when all of a sudden four other guys showed up and asked if they could join in. So we started choosing up teams, and all of a sudden I got all nervous and anxious. I'm a grown man. I have a son. A career. But all of a sudden I was right back in second grade hoping I wouldn't be the last to be picked. Is that why Clyde asked me how my emergency vasectomy went? I had to think of some reason to get out of there.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-14 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-14 Pub. Date: 2018-05-14
Image Number: 171501
Caption: Wanna play 21? Yeh, bruh. Why don't you get started? I'ma go watch a movie. You text me when you get up to 20 points, then I'll come in. No, thanks. I don’t need your ridiculous head start. I'm offended you even offered. I'll text you when I get to 19. Maybe I'll watch a double feature.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-13 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-13 Pub. Date: 2018-05-13
Image Number: 171106
Caption: Dear Jerk … I am offended by your article where you wrote that getting offended is America's new national pastime. I've angrily shown it to all of my friends, after first telling them that what they were about to se was offensive … and each of them agreed with me that it was jut as repugnant as I insisted it was. they all now despise you with a passion, just as I had told them they would before they've ever heard of you. Dear sir or ma'am: I'm not sure your polling methodology is scientifically sound. On behalf of all Americans, I demand an apology, a retraction, and a public flogging. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-12 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-12 Pub. Date: 2018-05-12
Image Number: 171294
Caption: You know what's the best thing about a Saturday, Clyde? … Nothing. Because I'm self-employed. I make my own hours. Any day can be a Saturday for me. All real-Saturday is to me is a day when every place I love to go is suddenly super-crowded. Whatever, bruh. I told you this roof for e'rebody. It ain't just yo' spot. If you're not gonna share your fries, you're just taking up space.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-11 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-11 Pub. Date: 2018-05-11
Image Number: 171293
Caption: How come everyone leaves work early on Fridays, Clyde? People just have no work ethic. What ever happened to It ain't over 'til the f … um … I mean, what ever happened to It ain't over 'til it's over? What was you gonna say, Big L? Nothing that's become incredibly, horrendously outdated and offensive. you was gonna say 'Til the fat lady sing, wasn't you? Never.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-10 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-10 Pub. Date: 2018-05-10
Image Number: 171292
Caption: I'm working on an article called The Unified Theory of Everything. But I've hit a snag. Every single science-related government agency I've contacted is stonewalling me. None of them will provide someone I can interview. NASA … the EPA … USGS … NSF … NOAA ... They all gave me the phone number for a new oversight department run out of the White House. It's called the Mendacious yammering Obstruction Bureau ... MYOB?
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-09 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-09 Pub. Date: 2018-05-09
Image Number: 171291
Caption: This is NASA. If you're calling to ask why we abruptly canceled our lunar rover mission, press 1. Otherwise, press 2. Boop. If you're a normal human, press 2. Otherwise, press 1. Boop. We have done as you commanded. We won't go anywhere near the polar region. Please accept our apology. Please?? Oh. Wait ... my bad. I thought I'd be pressing 2. If you're a normal human who mistakenly pressed 1, please stay right where you are. Can't we just pretend I pressed 2.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-08 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-08 Pub. Date: 2018-05-08
Image Number: 171290
Caption: Y'know ... if there were a human civilization 13,000 years ago that was more advanced than we are now, it would explain everything. How so, Lemont? Sorry, no time to tell you right now. It'd take more time than we have. Well, just summarize it. Can't do that. I'll be just getting to the amazing part, and you'll check your watch and say Sorry, gotta go. In the time it took you to say all that, you could've told me. Do we have time to set up a time when we'll have time?
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-07 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-07 Pub. Date: 2018-05-07
Image Number: 171289
Caption: How do we know we're the first advanced civilization to ever walk the earth? We think fossil records teach us all we need to know about the history of life on earth. But the only creatures to get fossilized were the ones dumb enough to get stuck in the mud. If there was a civilization smart enough to say Hey, don't lie down in that muck pit, you idiot, we'd never even know they existed. If they were so smart, how come they all disappeared? Maybe they saw us coming.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-06 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-06 Pub. Date: 2018-05-06
Image Number: 170818
Caption: I saw that article you wrote, where you siad it ain't make no sense that Syria president used chemical weapons. You wrote Don' ya'll fools notice the same exact thing happened last year when the U.S. was talkin' 'bout pullin' out? You wrote All of a sudden Assad gas his own people, an' then we decide to stay an' keep whoopin' Assad *$%. You wrote "Fast-forward a year. Trump talk 'bout leavin' again, an' again Assad gas his own people, an' again Trump change his mind an' decide to stay an' keep whoopin' Assad @#$. You wrote Yeah right, ain't this some @#$#$%. Y'know, when you put someone else's points in your own words, you're supposed to start by saying I'm paraphrasin here. You wrote Y'all crazy to believe homeboy would do the same exact @#$% that backfired on 'im the last time.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-05 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-05 Pub. Date: 2018-05-05
Image Number: 171057
Caption: Your boy George Berkeley be trippin', Big L. Thinkin' he proved the existence of God. He argued the only thing we can be sure exist is our own minds. But because there got to be things in the universe we ain't ever thought of … that must mean there must be some all-seeing God out there, in whose mind erething exist. Later philosophers poked holes in that theory and what have you done, Clyde? That between my mind an' the big mind in the sky.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-04 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-04 Pub. Date: 2018-05-04
Image Number: 171056
Caption: I read our article about how lead poisoning might be one of the main causes of violent crimes in Chicago and other cities. I liked the cost-benefit analysis part the best … where you compared the cot of replacing our cities' lead pipes vs. the cost of incarcerating criminals who were raised near those lead pipes. I bet you're going to win a Pulitzer for this one, Lemont. I wonder if there's any lead in that trophy.
     
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