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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about bells.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-18 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-18 Pub. Date: 2018-12-18
Image Number: 175480
Caption: Earlier today, I considered the option of traveling back through time and making other choices. But before I could finish considering it, I changed my mind and decided I could not, would not, dare not do such a thing. But now it occurs to me, perhaps that was me from the future inhabiting my past self and making just such an other choice. I think I regret that I'm going to do what I did to prevent me from undoing that which I regret. Stop it. (This cartoon was previously published on 2016-10-26)
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-17 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-17 Pub. Date: 2018-12-17
Image Number: 175479
Caption: Hello, you’ve reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because nobody is ever at home anymore. You can reach me on my cellphone. Probably literally. I sleep with it. It comforts me at night. I think I need help, is what I'm saying.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-16 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-16 Pub. Date: 2018-12-16
Image Number: 175188
Caption: That's the last time I even think of googling climate change.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-15 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-15 Pub. Date: 2018-12-15
Image Number: 175380
Caption: This is probably the last snow of the year, Clyde. For all we know, it could be the last snow ever. Want to go out and make snowmen like we used to? Nah, bruh. You wanna know why" … 'Cause I'm a grown-@#$ man. Let the memory show the only reason I didn't get dressed and trudge out into subzero weather to dig my hands in the snow is 'cause you ruined it. Why I feel like I been set up?
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-14 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-14 Pub. Date: 2018-12-14
Image Number: 175379
Caption: PhD. M.A. Couple's therapy. Tell her I'm sick and tired of her telling you to tell me things she could tell herself.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-13 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-13 Pub. Date: 2018-12-13
Image Number: 175378
Caption: Come on … You can't blame me for losing the Nat King Cole lawsuit. You're the one who sampled his voice without permission for your album. You're the on who begged me to pretend I was a voice actor you'd hired to impersonate Nat King Cole. It wasn't my idea! I tried to lip sync to that testimony you recorded for me using his voice. I really tried! When you lip sync, ain't no sound s'posed to come out your mouth, fool. You ain't s'posed to harmonize with the recording. I got nervous.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-12 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-12 Pub. Date: 2018-12-12
Image Number: 175377
Caption: Member how I watch your boy for you? Well, I need a favor too right quick. You want me to watch your pet pigeon? Nah, bruh … I want you to testify that you a voice actor I hired to sound like Nat King Cole, 'cause Nat King Cole people suing me for sampling him in my album. I'll watch your pigeon. All you gotta do is up sync to the testimony I recorded for you usin' Nat King Cole voice.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-11 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-11 Pub. Date: 2018-12-11
Image Number: 175376
Caption: I just downloaded your Christmas album. Good man. How on earth did you create that obscene rap battle between you and him? I mean, did he actually say those things … or did you hire a voice actor? Computers, bruh. I went through his must an' rearranged vowels an' consonants an' what not. Thank god. I'd hate to think Nat King Cole ever even knew those words. The video was harder to make.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-10 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-10 Pub. Date: 2018-12-10
Image Number: 175375
Caption: Hey! What time's the bus come? Excuse me. You're supposed to say excuse me, not hey. Didn't your parents ever teach you that? Excuse-me-not-hey, what time's the bus come? Are you being smart with me? No. I'm apparently being smart all by myself.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-09 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-09 Pub. Date: 2018-12-09
Image Number: 175062
Caption: I feel like I'm always the last one to know, doc. Dr. Noodle. Back in high school, I was in a band called Foss. I showed up expecting it to be a grunge thing. I said Hey, how come I'm the only one in flannel? How come no one else is wearing Doc Martens? Where are your goatees? Turned out it was a punk band. Anyway, fast forward to 2018: I run into a couple of the guys and we start to reminisce. I asked What ever happened to Beto? Turns out he became a politician. They all knew it. I was the last to know. Again. It's like I'm the universe's afterthought. You're talking about Beto O'Rourke? The one who just ran for Senate? Yeah. How'd he do? When's he get sworn in?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-08 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-08 Pub. Date: 2018-12-08
Image Number: 175267
Caption: I'd really like it if just once I could enjoy the holidays. On Christmas, when we celebrate the birth of Christ, I can't help but be angry that Emperor Augustus deported the Bethlehemians. On Easter, when people celebrate the resurrection, I can't help but mourn all the people Rome crucified. Bethlehemians? Don't even get me started on Kwanzaa.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-07 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-07 Pub. Date: 2018-12-07
Image Number: 175266
Caption: I read your article about Thanksgiving. Great. I think it's shameful you would somehow find fault with the Pilgrims and the brave settlers who founded the greatest nation on earth. My family came over on a boat to forge a mighty and wonderful nation and I don't appreciate you badmouthing them. Your family came over on a boat? On it, under it ... same difference.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-06 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-06 Pub. Date: 2018-12-06
Image Number: 175265
Caption: I read your article about Thanksgiving. Yeah? Yeah. I think you're right that we should turn it from a day of celebration into a national day of mourning … when we reflect on the cultures and the millions of lives settlers destroyed when they founded this nation. I'm not sure about the name Mourngiving, though. I am.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-05 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-05 Pub. Date: 2018-12-05
Image Number: 175264
Caption: We forgot something at the Thanksgiving party the other week. Whachoo-mean? We forgot to not have one. It celebrates a false creation myth that we tell ourselves so we can forget that what really happened was a massive genocide. This is why we never let you say the toast, Lemont. There shouldn't have been a toast. I guess it a coincidence you only sayin' all this after you finally run out of leftovers.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-04 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-04 Pub. Date: 2018-12-04
Image Number: 175263
Caption: Why is there only room for one super star in a family, even when they've got a really talented sibling? It's almost like it's a law of physics. There's Michael and then there's Jermaine. There's Beyonce, and then there's Solange. There was Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and then there was James Roosevelt Roosevelt. There was ... Transformers, and then there was Gobots. There were your first few examples, and then there was your last one.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-03 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-03 Pub. Date: 2018-12-03
Image Number: 175262
Caption: I saw Clerks the other day. I don't get why you said it's the best movie ever. What? I said that way back in 1994, Susan. You're thinking in three dimensions. But we live in a four-dimensional world. Everything has four coordinates, one of which is time. It may be dates now, but in 1994 when it came out, Clerks was the best movie ever. I highly doubt that. 2018 Susan cannot argue with 1994 Lemont. It's scientifically impossible.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-02 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-02 Pub. Date: 2018-12-02
Image Number: 174985
Caption: Big L, you want me to be Santa again for your boy this year? Let me think about that, Clyde … Last year, I woke up to find my two-year-old boy shocking a pigeon with a taser gun. He said Santa gave him the taser, said Don't tell your daddy, and then forgot to shut the window when he climbed down the fire escape. I tried mouth-to-mouth but the pigeon was long gone. I only had to spend nine days in jail for animal cruelty, but my boy was in therapy for four months. Not my fault. I told him to only use it for fishing. No I don't want you to be Santa this year!!!
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-01 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-01 Pub. Date: 2018-12-01
Image Number: 175159
Caption: I've lived a very long time, dork-boy, and I've seen a lot of people die early. I know the signs. What are they? There are too many to tell you in the time we have left. Go out, Rudy. Dance. Smell the petunias … Today. I'm not falling for it. See the world. Well ... see the city, at least.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-30 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-30 Pub. Date: 2018-11-30
Image Number: 175158
Caption: What brings you to therapy today, Lemont? Ever since I had what most certainly was not a heart attack … I've realized I'm going to die one day. I'm worried about what that'll do to my son. M.A. I see. There comes a time when every person becomes aware of his or her own mortality. The key is to make sure you've prepared your son to pay your final therapy bill. What's the other key?
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-29 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-29 Pub. Date: 2018-11-29
Image Number: 175157
Caption: Did you catch the Ask Sadie Show? They were talking about immortality. You're interrupting today's How to be an Alpha lesson, little buddy. They said that in just 30 years, we'll be able to transfer our minds to a server, shoot it into deep space where the cold will help the hard drive to survive for eons, and live in a virtual. But what if we've already done that? What if it's like the Matrix, or like Elon Musk's theories, and nothing we see is really real? What if right now, we're in a hard drive orbiting Ur ... As I was saying ... Alphas don't tell Uranus jokes.
     
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