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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about bells.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-18 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-18 Pub. Date: 2019-07-18
Image Number: 178562
Caption: Candorville.com says we discovered tons of microbes living deep inside the earth. You know what this means? Scientists are pretty sure both Venus and Mars were habitable a long time ago. If microbes ever existed on either planet, then it's almost guaranteed they're still alive there, deep inside the earth ... I mean, deep inside the Venus. And the Mars. Hey, if we get to call dirt by our planet's name, so do those alien microbes ... and so the advocacy begins. That's your earthier privilege talking.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-17 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-17 Pub. Date: 2019-07-17
Image Number: 178561
Caption: Did you know comic strips are written weeks, sometimes months, in advance? Nope. Sometimes it leads to embarrassment. For instance, I was reading my favorite strip Bluntburg. It was lampooning the Robert Mueller testimony before Congress that was scheduled for today. How was the cartoonist to know weeks ago that Congress would be closed today because of a freak elephant stampede? Did that really happen today? Maybe.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-16 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-16 Pub. Date: 2019-07-16
Image Number: 178560
Caption: In just one handful of soil, there are about 50 million bacteria. Oh wow. There's a biomass of billions of tons of microbes living 600 meters underground. Do you have any idea what this means, Susan? It means there's more bacteria deep inside the earth than animals on the surface of it. But on the other hand, it's all gross, so we still come out ahead. Don't get the biomass angry, Lemont.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-15 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-15 Pub. Date: 2019-07-15
Image Number: 178559
Caption: Scientists recently discovered billions of tons of bacteria and microbes living hundreds of meters inside earth. You're not going to tell some joke about this being a groundbreaking discovery, are you? Of … course … I'm not. Good. That would be beneath me. Dios mio.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-14 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-14 Pub. Date: 2019-07-14
Image Number: 178556
Caption: According to Elon Musk, time travel is possible. I can't wait to time-travel. Elon Musk said time travel is possible? Well, not in so many words. He said it's almost a certainty that we're living in a simulation being run by our descendants in the distant future. His reasoning makes sense. In just my lifetime, we went from "Pac-Man" to "The Sims," where Sims live, work, fall in love, have kids ... and in a few decades, the Sims will be artificially intelligent and they'll actually believe they're experiencing all that. If we're artificially intelligent Sims, then anything is possible. What time travel to be possible? Just wait for the Great Programmer to install the "time travel" expansion pack. Want to live forever? Get him to install the "immortality" expansion pack. According to Elon Musk, I'm one expansion pack away from being a billionaire playboy. Nothing doing. the Great Programmer exhausted all his "miracle" expansion packs 2,000 years ago. But he's still got some "delusion" expansions. (This cartoon was originally published on 2016-07-10).
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-13 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-13 Pub. Date: 2019-07-13
Image Number: 178425
Caption: Did you see that video where important world leaders are talking at the G-20 … and wondering why the heck Donald Trump's daughter is trying to be part of their conversation? It triggered me. It brought back that time in college where I found myself at the same party with Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela. I interjected with a pretty enlightening Sanford and Son analogy, and things got awkward. Why is you still talkin'?
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-12 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-12 Pub. Date: 2019-07-12
Image Number: 178424
Caption: Daddy? Can you expwode thtuff again tomorrow? Daddy didn't explode stuff on purpose, Lionel. That was a barbecuing accident. We're supposed to try not to explode stuff. How come we buried the pigeonth that fell from the thky inthtead of barbecuing them? Hunterth eat what they kill. We weren't hunting.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-11 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-11 Pub. Date: 2019-07-11
Image Number: 178423
Caption: You know what, Clyde? It really offends me that you said I'm awful at barbecuing. Yesterday was awesome. I grilled blackened sea bass … blackened sausages … blackened corn on the cob … You blackened your upstairs neighbor's curtains … The first responders all told me my bass was incredible. They was bein' polite, bruh.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-10 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-10 Pub. Date: 2019-07-10
Image Number: 178422
Caption: Tyrone, have you ever seen a UFO? I believe I just witnessed one ascending into the heavens. That was no UFO. It was a gigantic ball of fire and hot dogs exploding from a barbecue pit on the fire escape of that building across the way. Most astounding sightings have mundane explanations, Rosencrantz. I challenge your understanding of the word mundane. Ironically, mundane is an interesting word. Spare change?
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-09 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-09 Pub. Date: 2019-07-09
Image Number: 178421
Caption: Hey, Big L, wassup? Listen, I can't make it to your barbecue tomorrow. Why not? Whachoomean Why not? What you is, my momma? My girl? My parole officer? I'm a grown man. I don't gotta tell nobody why not nothin'. Even if you don't come, you owe me for your half of the food I bought. See you at noon.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-08 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-08 Pub. Date: 2019-07-08
Image Number: 178420
Caption: I'm gonna be barbecuing tomorrow. I'm all set up. The grill's on the fire escape … The meat's marinating in the fridge … my apron's scorch marks have been patched over … I've got nine bottles of lighter fluid for when I can't get the coals to heat up … Can't make it. I've finished paying off the damages from last year ...
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-07 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-07 Pub. Date: 2019-07-07
Image Number: 178419
Caption: Do you think there's life after death, Clyde? 'Course there is, Big L. You know how much death there been? What do you mean? It's been calculated that in all the time people been here, 100.8 billion of them have died. But C-Dog still here, bruh. This isn't all about you, Clyde. Ask Socrates if this all about me ... Oh, you can't.'Cause he dead. An' I ain't. Good talk, Clyde.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-06 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-06 Pub. Date: 2019-07-06
Image Number: 178395
Caption: So your mom self-published your rough draft to Amazon, costing you a six-figure book deal you already had. Why on earth are you smiling? She did it by accident. She thought she was just making a copy for herself. In any case, it means Momma loves my work. That's a really sweet attitude, Lemont. I'm proud of you. And for the rest of the time, I'll have something to throw in her face when she guilt-trips me.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-05 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-05 Pub. Date: 2019-07-05
Image Number: 178394
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I emailed Momma the rough draft of my memoir. I just wanted to know if my recollection of the scandalous patty-cake incident from preschool was accurate. Momma self-published it on Amazon. My book agent's furious, and two publishers have retracted their six-figure bids! On the bright side, now you have a story for your next memoir. She title it Look at What my Baby Wrote.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-04 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-04 Pub. Date: 2019-07-04
Image Number: 178393
Caption: I finished reading the rough draft of your memoir, Lemont. Cool. The problem was, I realized that all my stories involved other people, who might not want me to write about them. So I wrote a mathematical formula to determine whether the juiciness of the story was greater than my desire to keep that person's friendship. Pretty lame excuse for not even mentioning me once in your memoir, best friend. No, it's a compliment, really.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-03 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-03 Pub. Date: 2019-07-03
Image Number: 178392
Caption: Other day, some grown-#$% man in a business suit rolled over my foot on one of them scooters. You always say grown people look ridiculous on those things. So what'd you do? I rented a scooter too an' chased his @!#$ down. Chased him into his office building's elevator. You sure you weren't just looking for an excuse to ride a scooter? When we got up to the 55th floor, I chased him to his office.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-02 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-02 Pub. Date: 2019-07-02
Image Number: 178391
Caption: Remember how the whole country spent the last couple weeks debating whether the centers where we stick migrants are technically concentration camps? Of course. Why? Why? … Because that's not normal. When you find yourself saying the way we torture toddlers and infants isn't as bad as the way Nazis tortured them ... I think you've got a problem.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-01 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-01 Pub. Date: 2019-07-01
Image Number: 178356
Caption: I saw you in the Democratic debates last week. You did pretty well. I just told it like it is, cuz. I was honest. Blunt. Candid. It's like you didn't care at all what voters thought of your answers. My internal polling shows voters eat that @#$% up. I liked how, after you crushed Biden with that one answer, you strutted over to him and dropped his mic.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-30 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-30 Pub. Date: 2019-06-30
Image Number: 178274
Caption: I'm unpoor! You're what? You're looking at an employed man. After seven years of unemployment, I just got a job at Walmart. It pays slightly more than minimum wage. Congrats. The first thing I'm going to do with my newfound wealth is buy a new pair of boxers. I haven't bought a new pair of boxers since 2012. America is great again, baby!
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-29 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-29 Pub. Date: 2019-06-29
Image Number: 178260
Caption: Have you ever thought of being a nun, Sadie? Of course. Years ago I dreamt of converting and becoming a cloistered nun. I thought it would be the one vocation that would take advantage of all my talents. But that was before I discovered that nuns being abusive, vindictive, soul-crushing harpies was just a stereotype. Besides, the vow of chastity would've put a serious hitch in my get-along. Conversation over now.
     
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