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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-19 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-19 Pub. Date: 2017-10-19
Image Number: 163918
Caption: Randy, I heard you're making a killing from your Youtube channel. How can a guy get in on that action? Simple … Just sit down in front of a camera and talk from the heart about something you're passionate about. Just be a genuine human being. People are drawn to that. I see, I see. Just one thing: What if the phrase "genuine human being" makes a guy break out in hives? Plan B: Find out what people are googling and pretend to be an expert on the highest-ranked search term. No we're talking.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-15 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-15 Pub. Date: 2017-10-15
Image Number: 163200
Caption: You look tired, Rudy. Nah, I'm actually not tired. Why don't you go take a break. I'll man the counter for you. That's ok, Uncle Mort. Look at those bags beneath your eyes. And … are those wrinkles I see there? Did you know you age faster if you don't sleep? I'm on to you, Uncle Mort. You want me to step away so you can fix yourself an Espresso. Your doctors said no caffeine. You sound paranoid, Rudy. You're seeing duplicity everywhere. That's a symptom of sleep deprivation. I'm just thinking about your well-being. You're getting very very tired!!! Nice try, Uncle Mort.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-06 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-06 Pub. Date: 2017-10-06
Image Number: 163386
Caption: Do you remember your early childhood, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I come from a long line of Randies who have photographic memories. It's an evolutionary trait that enabled early Randies to survive despite being connoisseurs of the female form. "Evolution"? Doesn't that mean some of them didn't make it? Overly long stares lead to nothing but trouble.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-05 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-05 Pub. Date: 2017-10-05
Image Number: 163385
Caption: Do you remember your early childhood, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I come from a long line of Randies who have photographic memories. It's an evolutionary trait that enabled early Randies to survive despite being connoisseurs of the female form. "Evolution"? Doesn't that mean some of them didn't make it? Overly long stares lead to nothing but trouble.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-18 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-18 Pub. Date: 2017-09-18
Image Number: 162860
Caption: I'm panicking. You know how the Andromeda galaxy is supposed to collide with our Milky Way in billions of years? What are you talking about, little buddy? I just learned that there's an awful lot of ionized hydrogen from Andromeda's halo that's already touching the ionized hydrogen from our galaxy's halo. I'm not following. It's like when you're in your 30s and your hand brushes against a girl's had for the very first time. HOJ. I see. Why didn't you just say ... wait ... your thirties? ... and you panic because you're still years away from being ready.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-01 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-01 Pub. Date: 2017-09-01
Image Number: 162103
Caption: Why do you keep asking people if they've ever sued anyone for libel? Well, someone libeled me. I'm a Starfleet captain in "Star Trek Online." Someone playing a Ferengi merchant had that Ferengi call my captain "incompetent." right in front of my whole crew. My whole crew quit. My captain went into a downward shame-spiral. He started drinking, stopped shaving, and now he's captaining a garbage scow out of Sherman's planet. Suing a fake person's real person for defaming a real person's fake person. You just might make legal history. My captain hired a lawyer, but I'm not sure the lawyer is being played by a lawyer.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-28 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-28 Pub. Date: 2017-08-28
Image Number: 162099
Caption: Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast. We settled out of court for a pair of Bee Gees tickets.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-14 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-14 Pub. Date: 2017-08-14
Image Number: 161543
Caption: If there were one place on earth you'd never visit, where would that be, Randy? Easy: That would be McMurdo Station, Antarctica, little buddy. Nothing encourages hot snuggling more than being marooned in an icy wasteland. That would be a total waste of my skills of seduction. No challenge. I'd never visit the Mariana Trench. People don't live anywhere near there, and it's the deepest spot in the ocean ... so there'd be no wifi and not even satellite internet could reach it. We should have our own travel show.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-24 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-24 Pub. Date: 2017-07-24
Image Number: 160763
Caption: All you young people keep whining about the country being "divided." You don't know what "divided" is. Grandmother Cohen was a general in the Union army. Her sister was a Confederate general. They didn't let women fight in the Civil War. Of course not. But as luck would have it, Great Grandmother Cohen was the best fake-beard-maker in the land. Nobody ever dared ask "Stonewall Jackson" why "he" often wore his hair in a bun. The history books always leave out the best parts.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-07 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-07 Pub. Date: 2017-07-07
Image Number: 159995
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie Show. We're back with a caller whose house burned down while he was being diagnosed with gout. There is a silver lining: At least you're not a muscle-bound oaf or his puny celebrity-obsessed sidekick. Both Randy Taylor and Rudy Park are world-class disappointments, so they shall remain nameless so as to spare their poor mothers the humiliation. Not cool, Sadie. Not cool. We're famous!
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-01 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-01 Pub. Date: 2017-07-01
Image Number: 159731
Caption: Lemont's in Russia … Hi Vancouver, how'd your book signing go? Amazing. How's your Russia story? Eye-opening. After I interviewed the blackmailer, the hackers, the oligarch, and a Kremlin goon, I interviewed a bunch of average Russians to find out why they're cool with being led by an autocratic narcissist with delusions of Czardom ... because he's made Russia great again. I wish I could've been there for you, babe ... me too.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-26 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-26 Pub. Date: 2017-06-26
Image Number: 159726
Caption: Vancouver. Hey cutie, you'll never guess where I am! You'll never guess where I am either, snoogums. But you first. <3 Tap tap tap tap t - I'm in CANDORVILLE! I'm on a book tour. I thought maybe you and your son would like to have dinner after my signing. Tap tap tap t - Terminal B. Of course! ... 'cept I'm in Moscow covering the story of my old college roomie being a Russian spy who's blackmailing Donald Trump. Vancouver. Um ... if you don't want to meet, just say so.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-16 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-16 Pub. Date: 2017-06-16
Image Number: 159167
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? I'm in love with my brother's wife. What's the best way to ask her out? Posthumously. No, seriously. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her. That just may end up being a beautiful five minutes.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-03 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-03 Pub. Date: 2017-06-03
Image Number: 158617
Caption: Vancouver, you're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Would you people please stop saying you're "moving to Canada"? We Canadians pride ourselves on not being the United States. We can't keep doing that if half the United States moves up here. That's it ... We're coming next Tuesday. We'll be moving in right next door to you and playing loud music at all hours. If you think America will abide being told what to do, you don't understand America. If you move to Canada, Canada's moving to the North Pole.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-28 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-28 Pub. Date: 2017-05-28
Image Number: 157937
Caption: Oh no! What's wrong? I tweeted a sarcastic insult about Brian Blount, my nemesis in the race for class president. So? So … the sarcasm didn't come through. All my followers think I was praising him. Oh. Yeah, well sarcasm's tricky online. Oh no! My followers are confused about where my loyalties lie. Oh no! Some of them are calling me a sellout. They're saying they're disillusioned! Oh no! Now they've split into two factions, those who say I'm a sellout and those who say maybe Brian Blount isn't so bad. Just tell them you were being sarcastic. Ok. Oh no! Now they're saying I'm being defensive and must have something to hide! Say the media took you out of context. Ok. Oh no!
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-26 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-26 Pub. Date: 2017-05-26
Image Number: 158356
Caption: … So Ace Peerless and I were parasailing, and out of nowhere, he took out his knife, cut his cords, and plummeted into the ocean. Of all the times I've had men run out in the middle of an argument, that was by far the most annoying. Susan, I said my old college roommate Rudy Park is a Russian spy, and a federal agent put me on a plane to Moscow to follow him and expose how he's helping Putin blackmail the president! Not being heard. That is my biggest pet peeve, Lemont. Ace knows that. Could you pick my son up from daycare?
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-04 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-04 Pub. Date: 2017-05-04
Image Number: 157561
Caption: It's the "Ask Sadie Advice Hour." "Mad in Montauk," you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java .net Cybercafe. My husband and I are getting divorced, and it's gotten bitter and angry. The problem is, we have 43 mutual friends on Facebook, and he's being so unreasonable about which ones are rightly his. You're arguing over custody of your Facebook friends? What the @#$% is wrong with you people?! Obviously, they're all yours. Everyone knows it's usually the woman who created the friendships in the first place. Also, I should get the kids, right?
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-05 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-05 Pub. Date: 2017-04-05
Image Number: 156485
Caption: I heard Chelsea Clinton is considering running for the Senate in 2020. Holy Moes-es! The last thing Democrats need is to run another corporate Democrat anti-progressive stooge who's trading off a famous name! You're being too hard on Chelsea. I'm sure she's highly ... wait ... did you say "holy moses" or "holy moes-es?" I've never believed in the bible. But I do believe in The Three Stooges. Chelsea won a lifetime achievement award for ... whatever it is she did.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-25 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-25 Pub. Date: 2017-03-25
Image Number: 155930
Caption: We never went to the moon. The Youtube evidence is conclusive. Not the Van Allen thing again." "Van Allen." It is absolutely impossible for human beings to traverse the Van Allen radiation belt. Explain how the Apollo astronauts passed through that radiation belt without either dying or hulking out. They were exposed to a cat-scan's worth of radiation. It was supposed to be a rhetorical question.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-21 being 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-21 Pub. Date: 2017-03-21
Image Number: 155926
Caption: I've decided against replacing the café's alarm system with a system of levers and twine attached to your eyelids. I wasn't fond of the idea anyway, boss. After hours of research, I determined there's no practical way to attach twine to a person's eyelids. I meant to say no human way of attaching the twine. I wouldn't want you being irreparably damaged. That's kind of you, boss. Teeth are easier to repair, so we'll be fastening the twine around your bicuspids. I quit.
     
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