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Candorville

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Result page:    2  3  Next  (54 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-04 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-04 Pub. Date: 2017-09-04
Image Number: 162342
Caption: Hello, momma. You've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because I let myself in, and I'm standing right behind you with a big bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates, all for you … unless I got stuck in traffic, in which case forget you heard this. Beep.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-10 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-10 Pub. Date: 2017-08-10
Image Number: 161294
Caption: You remember the other day, when I said we're behind a lot of other countries in a lot of areas? Well, I wrote an article about that for Candorville.com. Within 15 minutes, I counted over 3,000 replies that included a variant of the phrase "If you don't like it here, go someplace else." So I did a little more research, and then posted an article about how we're far behind a lot of other countries in "going someplace else." ... That's when I found out we're number one in the amount of angry comments posted in all-caps. I been out of the state once. That was weird.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-09 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-09 Pub. Date: 2017-08-09
Image Number: 161293
Caption: We're behind a lot of other countries in health care, social mobility, internet service, cellphone service, education … income equality, infrastructure, high-speed trains, voting, democratic representation, linguistic diversity, life expectancy, religious diversity, please, press freedom, child well-being, happiness, sleep, literacy, leisure, retirement security, gender equality, minimum wage, homicide rates, prosperity, the cost of food ... Other than military spending and the number of people we throw in prison, we're behind in almost everything ... so why do people still chant "we're number one!" All the time? Where we is on math?
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-12 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-12 Pub. Date: 2017-05-12
Image Number: 157811
Caption: Remember how when we were kids, we'd be out playing for hours, by ourselves? Remember that construction site across the street? I used to hide behind the mounds of dirt and pretend I was Luke Skywalker hiding from sandpeople. I used to climb on the bulldozer and pretend it was an Imperial Walker. I still think you should let your little boy have a little more freedom. And let him get crushed by bulldozers? Are you insane?
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-30 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-30 Pub. Date: 2017-04-30
Image Number: 156792
Caption: What brings you to therapy … "Steve"? I feel like everything is slipping out of my clutches. Dr. Noodle. I spent years cozying up to the boss, isolating him from the advice of others, stoking his paranoia. I subtly convinced him that everyone was against him and that he could trust no one but me and his family, and even they were a little fishy. I had him in the palm of my hand. I said "buy," he bought. I said "sell," he sold. I said "destroy," and he ruined the lives of the people I said were his enemies. I was the most powerful man in the world! I was the man behind the throne! Did I say I charge $100 an hour? I meant to say $1,000. But then I made the mistake of turning off his tv in the middle of Finding Dory. It's his favorite movie.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-21 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-21 Pub. Date: 2017-01-21
Image Number: 153409
Caption: So you went to Canada and spent time with the perfect woman. I got one question … What the !@#% are you doing here? Excuse me? Any man with some #@%$ sense woulda found an apartment, had his son Fedexed to him, an' stayed his behind in Canada. You can't just "stay" in another country. There are rules. Gimme her number, I'll move to Canada.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-23 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-23 Pub. Date: 2016-10-23
Image Number: 149364
Caption: It all started when I spanked my two-year-old son. He was out of control. He was hitting and kicking and spitting. I tried everything. I tried a timeout. I tried redirection. I tried bribery. But when he threw a clock at his baby sister's head, I realized I had to do something drastic. So I swatted him once on the behind. Very lightly. For the rest of the day, he pointed at me and said "You don't hit me. That's bad. You say you're sorry." And I couldn't even argue, because that's exactly what I always told him to tell someone if they hit him. Part of being a parent is becoming comfortable with being a hypocrite. Is two too young for military school?
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-15 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-15 Pub. Date: 2016-05-15
Image Number: 142782
Caption: I ever tell you 'bout that time I recorded a song with Prince? You never recorded a song with Prince, Clyde. Yeh I did, bruh. In fact it was the very first song I ever recorded. I was freestylin', makin' up lyrics as I went along, when all of a sudden outta nowhere, I heard Prince voice comin' from behind me. It was comin' from my momma radio. I climbed up onto her dresser an' pressed "record" on her tape recorder, an' I sang along with him. Then momma took me to preschool. I'm not sure that counts, Clyde. Yeh it do, bruh.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-06 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-06 Pub. Date: 2016-05-06
Image Number: 142722
Caption: If the sleeping pills I prescribed for you don't work, I want you to try guided meditation. You'll close your eyes and imagine yourself rising into the warm heavens. The worry and anxiety in your face melts away. Focus on the darkness behind your eyelids. Imagine that darkness turning into outer space. The stars beckon you to join them. You float to them. You become one with them. That's when the great truth of the universe reveals itself to you, and you learn ... we're out of time. That'll be $100. OH COME ON!!!
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-05 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-05 Pub. Date: 2016-03-05
Image Number: 139629
Caption: You know a good way to tell your friend his breath remind you of barnyard animals? My breath is just fine, Clyde. You sound defensive, bruh. Of course I do. You said something about me that isn't true, so I'm defending myself. That's what's wrong with America: Every time an innocent person defends himself, people say that's proof he's guilty. There you go again with your defense-tivity. Your breath must be worse that I thought. I'm going to quit while I'm behind.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-17 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-17 Pub. Date: 2016-01-17
Image Number: 137381
Caption: The more I hear Donald Trump talk, the more I like him. I thought you said Trump was an embarrassment. That he was totally bigoted and un-American, and didn't in any way represent the Republican party. You said you'd never vote for him in a million years. Yeah, but that was before. Before what? Newsweak. Before now. We're closer to the election now. Now is when both Republicans and Democrats start to forget what we said before, and fall in line behind our parties' front-runners. Well technically that time would be after the primaries, but I figure, why wait? Well, I'm still going to wait.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-13 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-13 Pub. Date: 2015-05-13
Image Number: 126618
Caption: The Baltimore police tried to say Freddie Gray severed his own spinal cord while he was handcuffed in the back of their van. It's like that time Victor White III supposedly shot himself in the chest in the backseat of a police car while his hands were cuffed behind his back. A whole lot of people believe this stuff. It's like they think black men are super-powered, suicidal contortionists. I still don't think you should go around in that. If you have superpowers, you have to wear a cape. It's a rule.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-24 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-24 Pub. Date: 2015-04-24
Image Number: 125858
Caption: Remember how when we were kids, we'd be out playing for hours, by ourselves? Remember that construction site across the street? I used to hide behind mounds of dirt and pretend I was Luke Skywalker hiding from Sandpeople. I used to climb on the bulldozer and pretend it was an Imperial Walker. I still think you should let your little boy have a little more freedom. And let him get crushed by bulldozers? Are you insane?
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-20 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-20 Pub. Date: 2014-08-20
Image Number: 115241
Caption: Robin Williams visits Lemont's dream. Stars die all the time, just like the rest of us. But this one hurts more than usual. I think it's because you, more than any other star, made ME feel BIG. There was always a sadness behind your eyes. And whenever I saw you explode with life despite that, it was like you were fighting sadness and conquering it, and that made me feel like "THIS is what it means to be human." To be honest, sometimes that was just what it meant to earn a living. Hey, don't stop being my metaphor.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-03 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-03 Pub. Date: 2014-05-03
Image Number: 110714
Caption: I took Lionel to his first baseball game the other day. I hadn't been to a Candorville Chokers game since I was a kid. Back then, two Choker Dogs, Cokes and fries cost $8. Last night, it cost me $38. Back then, all the players were like ten years older than I was. But now, they are all like ten years younger. "National Pastime" my behind, it should be national "past my time." Baseball still around?
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-01 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-01 Pub. Date: 2014-05-01
Image Number: 110712
Caption: The other night, Jimmy Fallon joked that if Chelsea Clinton's baby is a boy, he'll get some of Hillary's hand-me-downs. Heh. That laugh you think you heard just now was, of course, nervous laughter in response to something that made me very uncomfortable. Or maybe it was gas. There really is no way to tell. Quit while you're behind.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-24 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-24 Pub. Date: 2014-01-24
Image Number: 106502
Caption: Today Clyde, you know how Governor Thugman's office had the world's busiest bridge shut down for petty political revenge? I've been investigating that for my blog, trying to find out who gave him the idea in the first place. The callousness of it the stupidity of it ... keeps leading me back to one possibility, Clyde. I was as shocked as you to learn my homie "Big Oatmeal" went an' gave him advice behind my back. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2. Way to take responsibility, Clyde.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-11 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-11 Pub. Date: 2014-01-11
Image Number: 105924
Caption: I'm behind schedule on the life plan I wrote when I was six, Lemont. I was supposed to make partner by last Tuesday. Oh. Well, Susan, plans have to be flexible. Real life isn't something you can script. I know that. Don't you think I know that? Sorry. I scheduled two whole years of flexibility into twenties.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-01 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-01 Pub. Date: 2014-01-01
Image Number: 105639
Caption: How's the resolution thing going? Still holding doors open for people behind you? Yeh, I was at Roscoe's Rib Shack held the door open for an old man. Fool walked right through WITHOUT THANKING ME! Can you beleedat? Can I what? So then I had words with him. As soon as he agreed to be more courteous, I released him from the headlock. Wait ... what? (This cartoon originally published 2011-01-04).
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-31 behind 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-31 Pub. Date: 2013-12-31
Image Number: 105638
Caption: I resolve to become president. "President C-Dog," ruler and master of ALL you fools. That can't be your New Year's resolution. Your resolution has to be something that's within your power to do. Oh. Well then I resolve to hold doors open for people behind me, instead of letting them smack them in the face. ... No, something that's in YOUR power to do. I resolve to watch a little more TV. (This cartoon originally published 2011-01-03).
     
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