Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over … baseball season's nearly done. The time is growing short to see the man-meat hit home runs. Their rippling biceps swinging wooden bats hard through the air … their quadriceps pump, unbridled, while I sit there and stare. And when they slide into home plate, there's always a slim chance ... that if they slid in wrong, they're a-gonna split their pants! I don't think I'll ever be able to un-hear that.
What're you doing for Christmas, Randy? Dressing up as Santa and inviting a couple of "elves" over to share in the festivities. Oh, that's nice. I'll be doing the usual too. Playing "Grand Theft Auto: Christmas Edition." Same as GTA, only in a Christmas sleigh instead of a stolen car. And instead of a hit man beating up random bystanders with a baseball bat, it's Santa beating them with a huge candy cane. I could be persuaded to join in a real-life elf party, though. Some people just can't pick up on a hint. I think you're thinking what I'm thinking.