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Rudy Park

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161. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-29 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-29 Pub. Date: 2015-01-29
Image Number: 122184
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! My dog seems to be incontinent. I'm tired of cleaning up after him. Would it be wrong to give him to a shelter? Oh, I don't know. Would you ship your parents off to a "shelter" just because you're tired of helping them? Wait ... don't answer that. I once drove dad into the woods, but he found his way back.
     
162. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-18 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-18 Pub. Date: 2015-01-18
Image Number: 120915
Caption: It's the Fad Herald. Please say hoverboards are in. Hear ye, today, a special announcement. The following is now in: Totally ignoring that we're now living in the year depicted in the movie "Back to the Future, part 2." Out: Any observation about what's come true: 3D movies, tablet computers, video conferencing, wall-mounted, wide-screen TVs that display multiple channels at once, being consumed by personal electronics and hoverboards. Um ... But I've been waiting 26 years to make those observations. Me too. Same here. And I've been waiting 26 years to mock everyone who does that. I'm not sure you got this one right, Fad Herald. Also out: Questioning what you're told. Oh. Sorry about that.
     
163. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-21 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-21 Pub. Date: 2014-12-21
Image Number: 119729
Caption: Are you a "Star Wars" fan, good sir? Who isn't? I would like to propose a small wager. Ask me any question about Star Wars. Any question at all … and if I answer with 100% accuracy, I will win a free coffee and scone per day, for an entire year. Interesting. And what do I get if you answer wrong? You get this laptop computer. It's fully functional, except for a slight catastrophic logic board failure. Deal. Sucker. Here's the question: what was I wearing when I saw 'Empire Strikes Back' in the theater in 1980? Huh? What was I wearing, smart guy? Underpants. Ha! Nice try, but I always wore my Underoos OVER my pants!
     
164. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-08 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-08 Pub. Date: 2014-12-08
Image Number: 120010
Caption: Another fraternity's in the new for assaulting a woman at a party. That's why I quit PIG back in college. Pi-Iota-Gamma was the epitome of everything that wrong with fraternities. Guys would ply girls with drinks at every party, and I'd spend all night breaking down locked doors and stopping my own PIG brothers from doing anything evil. Real men don't need numbers, booze, pills or force to get anywhere with a woman. Women never even came to our parties at Lambda-Omicron-Sigma-Eta-Rho.
     
165. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-06 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-06 Pub. Date: 2014-12-06
Image Number: 119728
Caption: Okay, dictation monkey, can you read back to me my Hypochondriac's Handbook Rules To Live By? Not really. While you were talking, I was pretending to type what you said, but I was actually playing a video game on my phone. I can't strangle you because I don't want to touch your cold-and-flu ridden corpus. One of those moments I just relish.
     
166. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-01 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-01 Pub. Date: 2014-12-01
Image Number: 119723
Caption: A Poem: With daylight's shift, winter doth come … and with it, a creature is back … From summer slumber to its full-blown time: The hypochondriac. NO ON TOUCH ME!
     
167. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-11-18 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-11-18 Pub. Date: 2014-11-18
Image Number: 119143
Caption: On today's Ask Sadie Radio Hour, we discuss one topic: the constant flirtation with fleeing to Canada. Canada has universal health insurance, far fewer killings, much less bigotry, more social mobility, better schools, less obesity, 50 weeks maternity leave, blah blah blah. But that means nothing, because you know what they don't have? Panicky media telling you who to blame for the sky falling! We'll be back, after this message from Depends Undergarments.
     
168. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-11-14 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-11-14 Pub. Date: 2014-11-14
Image Number: 118879
Caption: I hear they finally identified the wreckage of Amelia Earhart's plane. Finally! It took them long enough! I planted that fake wreckage way back in 1937! And it wasn't easy! In '37, the tiny atoll of Nikumaroro was hard to reach. I had to take two rafts and a bus. You, uh ... you don't believe her ... do you? Almost definitely not.
     
169. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-11-05 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-11-05 Pub. Date: 2014-11-05
Image Number: 118565
Caption: I thought you'd be more excited because of all the extra power the republicans have now. Those communists? If you want to see me excited, check back with me on December 7, 2037, at 6:42 AM. According to my calculations, that's when the cabal of industrialists who REALLY control the world will dispense with the pretense of "government." We'll just turn on everyone's secretly implanted compliance-chips. You calculated that? Way back when I opened my first lemonade stand. It's in my business plan under "endgame."
     
170. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-11-04 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-11-04 Pub. Date: 2014-11-04
Image Number: 118564
Caption: Are you excited the republicans are going to take back the Senate? Of course. Do you have any idea how many organic, gluten-free, non-GMO sustainable, eco-friendly cups of conflict-free hot cocoa I'm going to be selling? Not to mention the free-range turkey Panini's. Liberals eat comfort foods, too.
     
171. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-10-19 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-10-19 Pub. Date: 2014-10-19
Image Number: 117144
Caption: One mocha latte with sprinkles and we're back together. Um … I'm sorry, what? We're back together. We're getting remarried. We're madly in love again and definitely not doing this because we're lonely and couldn’t find anything better out there. You can see how deeply in love we are, can't you? Can't you? Hold my hand, Chuck. Holding your hand doesn't mean anything if you order me to do it, dear. Well I wouldn't have to ORDER you if you'd just do what's supposed to come naturally if you truly love someone. That's it. We're over. Wait, did you spend five years begging me to take you back just so YOU could dump ME? Being single is underrated.
     
172. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-10-11 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-10-11 Pub. Date: 2014-10-11
Image Number: 117420
Caption: You're on, caller. What's your problem? How do I get rid of a tenant so I can charge more rent? I get that question all the time. First, find out if your property is rent-controlled. If it is, go back in time to the moment you decided to rent it out and slap yourself. You have no business being a landlord, you greedy #%$*! What kind of music did the army use to get Noriega to leave Panama?
     
173. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-10-06 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-10-06 Pub. Date: 2014-10-06
Image Number: 117415
Caption: I finally saw the movie "Lucy." Spoiler alert: If you haven't seen it, skip over this and come back later. There was a lot of nonsense in it, but there was one really cool sequence toward the end that was totally worth it. They showed the ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE in reverse. It was maybe the most amazing thing I've ever seen. You know you can't "skip over" real life, right? I do it all the time.
     
174. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-10-04 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-10-04 Pub. Date: 2014-10-04
Image Number: 117143
Caption: Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there, I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have to GO. Of course I'm not. What's that beeping? I hear beeping in there. You're mistaken. What you probably heard is a big truck backing up a few blocks away. I've backed up. I've put on my motorcycle helmet. I'm getting a running start. BUT I'M ALMOST AT THE NEXT LEVEL! ... I mean I'm almost done.
     
175. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-09-11 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-09-11 Pub. Date: 2014-09-11
Image Number: 116261
Caption: Caller, let me stop you right there. Your problem is you're a doormat! You need to march right back in there and tell him you don’t take orders from any man, and if he wants dinner he can fix it himself. You don’t think Denny's would fire me for that? NO FREE ADVERTISING!!! The Denny's at 9287 Bushmill Road, I mean.
     
176. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-08-29 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-08-29 Pub. Date: 2014-08-29
Image Number: 115613
Caption: I met a girl last night. It went well. Do tell. We saw each other through a crowd. I winked at her. She winked back. If all goes well, we may get to second base tonight. Second base? We may exchange smiley emoticons instead of just hitting "wink." Are you sure you're ready for that?
     
177. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-08-15 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-08-15 Pub. Date: 2014-08-15
Image Number: 114991
Caption: If you had awful, disgusting fish-breath, would you want someone to tell you? Nice try, amateur. But you're talking to the woman who wrote "The Art Of The Insult." It was a best-seller in 1941. You just quoted chapter 48, paragraph 7: "The Plausibly Deniable IF-sult." Yeah. Right, you made that up. Nice try. Chapter 42: "Sarcastic Dismiss-sult."
     
178. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-08-11 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-08-11 Pub. Date: 2014-08-11
Image Number: 114987
Caption: All those broken cease-fires between the Israelis and the Palestinians take me way back. I once lived with a girl who'd break up with me once a week. We'd break up, make up, break up, make up, over and over and over again. We couldn’t live together but each of us thought we had a right to that apartment, so we fought over it for a long time. It's more complicated than that. Maybe Israel should try leaving Palestine and moving in with her sister. I don't even know what that means.
     
179. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-07-27 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-07-27 Pub. Date: 2014-07-27
Image Number: 113519
Caption: Have I heard of what? "The curse of the redshirts." You know how every time Captain Kirk would beam down a landing party, the character wearing a red shirt would get killed in some gruesome way? Well, back in nineteen and sixty-eight, I auditioned to be the red shirt who gets killed by a plant. Mal Friedman stole that role from me! A luck would have it, Gene Roddenberry like the cut of my jib and wrote me into every episode anyway. I was the purple-shirted extra who was always felled by workplace repetitive stress injuries. They always cut my scenes on account of overacting. Only think I remember from that show is shatter's glistening chesticles. The purple shirt always ended up on the cutting-room floor.
     
180. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-07-20 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-07-20 Pub. Date: 2014-07-20
Image Number: 113257
Caption: You've been avoiding me. Have not, Uncle Mort. For weeks, you've been dashing out of rooms as soon as I entered. Coincidence. What about when I knocked on your door yesterday and you jumped out the back window? Look, Uncle Mort, I just didn’t want to go through what I went through in 1994. I was just going to say one thing about the 20th anniversary of the OJ Simpson "trial of the century." YOU WOULD THINK THE "TRIAL OF THE CENTURY" WOULD'VE BEEN THE NUREMBERG TRIALS!
     
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