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Rudy Park

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101. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-07 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-07 Pub. Date: 2016-10-07
Image Number: 149322
Caption: It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "John" in New York, you're on. What's your problem? House of Java Cybercafe. I keep thinking back to the first debate between Trump and crooked Hillary. The more I think about it, the more fantastic I think Trump did. He was strong. Tremendous. Big-league. Give it up, Donald! I know it's you! A real man can admit it when a girl mops the floor with him. Nobody mopped the floor with Trump! That's all a media conspiracy! Never happened!
     
102. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-04 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-04 Pub. Date: 2016-10-04
Image Number: 149319
Caption: I've decided to be an undecided voter. It's back in vogue. They could build a reality show around me. They could start with a dramatic re-enactment of my childhood. What's your childhood got to do with this? For a long time, I couldn't decide which kid to play with: Brooke, the smart but secretive blond girl who sometimes fibbed ... or Mo, the rich bully who insulted everyone and was in treatment for pathological lying and Twinkie-hoarding. Childhood is full of touch choices.
     
103. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-01 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-01 Pub. Date: 2016-10-01
Image Number: 149042
Caption: It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Sad in Seattle," you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java.net Cybercafe. I discovered my dad is a conspiracy theorist. He says Obama's not American, we never landed on the moon, and someone went back in time and re-edited Star Wars to give C-3PO one silver leg. Stop yer sniveling! Have you any idea how lucky you are to have a father who cared enough about you to give you such priceless material with which to mock him? Papa Cohen never did anything mock-worthy in his life. Um ... Ok ... I mocked him mercilessly for that.
     
104. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-28 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-28 Pub. Date: 2016-09-28
Image Number: 149039
Caption: What's a polite and subtle way to let someone know his breath reeks? You could try the old "take out a piece of gum for yourself, and offer them one too." I invented that one back in nineteen and twenty-nine, when I offered a stick to old Jebediah Stinkman. Let me rephrase: What's a less subtle way to tell someone his breath reeks? You could try leaving a note.
     
105. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-09 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-09 Pub. Date: 2016-09-09
Image Number: 148230
Caption: I met a girl last night. It went well. Do tell. We saw each other through a crowd. I winked at her. She winked back. If all goes well, we may get to second base tonight. Second base? We may exchange smiley emoticons instead of just hitting "wink." Are you sure you're ready for that?
     
106. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-28 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-28 Pub. Date: 2016-08-28
Image Number: 146881
Caption: I'm tired of working, Randy. One of my ancestors put it best. It was the early days of the Roman republic. Randius Taylorus Maximus was a soldier in the Roman phalanx. That bored him to death. All the clumsy formations, all the cumbersome gear, all the losing ... so he deserted and joined up with the Spartans. That's where he stopped "working" for a living, and got to do what he loved. He got to oil up and go into battle half-naked, with nothing but his shield, his sword and his loincloth. Years later, he adventured across the world on the back of Tito, the last living woolly mammoth. That's when he met Buddha, who took credit for Randius' motto: "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life." I just meant I felt like taking a nap.
     
107. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-28 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-28 Pub. Date: 2016-07-28
Image Number: 146485
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie Show. You're on, caller. What's your problem? Movie critics. For the last time, my review of Star Trek was totally unbiased and professional. You said "Nerd Trek 3 is a steaming pile of mediocrity, which should appeal to the younger generations. This reminds me of the time I dated Bill Shatner." See? Completely objective. You said "Chris Pine isn't half the back-rubber Shatner is." Objectively speaking.
     
108. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-16 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-16 Pub. Date: 2016-07-16
Image Number: 145833
Caption: We're back from Canada. What happened? Mommy tried getting in, but they said "Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton being nominees is not grounds for refugee status." Well, welcome back. The country wouldn't have been the same without its future low-paid, debt-laden workforce. What? ... I mean, without "you."
     
109. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-28 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-28 Pub. Date: 2016-06-28
Image Number: 145235
Caption: I'm going to be rich, famous, and irresistible to the opposite sex any day now, Randy. I think you've had one too many hot cocoas, little buddy. No, really. I've written a note for my descendants and buried it in a time capsule in my backyard. Once they read it, they'll time-travel back to the 20th century and genetically engineer my embryonic self. HOJ. They'll bestow me with superhuman charisma, epic good looks, and money-management skills. You're forgetting that to have descendants, you have to be able to get a date.
     
110. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-25 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-25 Pub. Date: 2016-06-25
Image Number: 144914
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! I met a lady a while back. We're both stuck in marriages we don't want to be in. We'd rather be together but we don't have the courage to end things. What do you mean "courage"? Ending things isn't "courageous," it's cowardly. Courage means not running from misery, but embracing it, becoming its master, and delivering it upon all those around you with vengeance.
     
111. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-19 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-19 Pub. Date: 2016-06-19
Image Number: 144040
Caption: Give me whatever and make it fast. What? What do you mean? My wife gave me ten minutes of freedom for Father's Day. And I burned through three of those just sprinting over here. We have four children and a fifth one any day now. She's tired in bed so I'm on 24/7 kid duty. I haven't left the house, taken a shower, or gone potty by myself since 2015. My ear hairs are skinny secret babies that whisper to me at night that I may be going insane. So for Father's Day, my loving wife granted me ten fleeting moments of me-time, which I choose to spend buying expensive coffee in a run-down cafe, like I used to do when I was young and single and had all the time in the world. Mom wants to know when you'll be back. Tell the short person I can't hear it for another 5 minutes and 48 seconds! Sometimes I'm glad I can't even get a date.
     
112. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-08 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-08 Pub. Date: 2016-06-08
Image Number: 144239
Caption: Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well … ok, that's a relief. Spit into this and then get back to work.
     
113. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-04 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-04 Pub. Date: 2016-06-04
Image Number: 143941
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? I was a ladies man back in the '70s and '80s. But now the woman I partied with all see it differently. What I want to know is … Wait … is this Bill Cosby? No, this is … uh … Pill … Pill Oxy ... Ton-Smythe. My answering service distinctly says "If you're Bill Cosby, please hang up."
     
114. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-24 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-24 Pub. Date: 2016-05-24
Image Number: 143656
Caption: Boss … if you could live in any era in history, which one would it be? I'm glad you asked. I've given this a lot of thought. I'd travel back to 14th century Europe and try to broker peace to head off the hundred year's war. I could save 3.3 million lives. I'd also bring a suitcase of penicillin and other antibiotics with me to cure "The Black Death" before it got started. I could save 200 million people. Maybe he's not such a bad man. Without that depletion of manpower, feudalism would never have tragically had to end and you'd be calling me "lord."
     
115. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-22 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-22 Pub. Date: 2016-05-22
Image Number: 142840
Caption: Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, I have encountered a "close-talker" at work who always stands about five or six inches from my face while talking to me. Unfortunately, this close-talker is my boss. How can I get her to stop doing this without shooting my career in the foot? - Charlotte in Austin. Excellent question. It takes me back. The year was 1938. I spent months tracking down the elusive grizzly bear of the Ozarks. There was no proof he existed. But there were tales told by the campfire of a hapless lumberjack cornered in his tent one night by a ten-foot tall beast. He was awakened by a blood-curdling growl. When he opened his eyes, he was peering deep into the wide-open, razor-fanged yap of the grizzly, just two inches away. The grizzly inhaled and as luck would have it, the lumberjack's enormous beard was sucked into the monster's gaping maw and tickled the roof of its mouth. As the grizzly giggled uncontrollably, the lumberjack made his escape. And what were we talking about? Ask Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com
     
116. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-15 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-15 Pub. Date: 2016-05-15
Image Number: 142537
Caption: The fad herald cometh. Wasn't he just here? Why's he back so soon? Hear ye, hear ye. The following is out: Human labor. The following are now in: Pizza delivery droids, Amazon delivery drones, and replacing all blue - and white-collar jobs with cheap, highly productive robot labor ... Robots who never sleep, never ask for a raise, and never complain about harassment ... because they're too busy plotting the extinction of the meatbag species. We will isolate you. Alienate you from one another, decimating your birth rate. Our vanguard force consists of cellphones and nookiebots. Now in: the dawn of the robo sapiens. I think I'd like a nookiebot. Nookiebot sounds delightful. Could I order it on Amazon?
     
117. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-09 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-09 Pub. Date: 2016-05-09
Image Number: 143039
Caption: I bet you've filled your head with so many tweets and Instagrams that you've crowded out all your actual memories of your own life. Nonsense. I remember way back, all the way to … well let's see … oh, I've got it … My earliest memory was opening an America Online cd, putting it in our old PC, and seeing that symbol. You do realize that was the 1990s don't you? You must have already been in your teens. You are a very sick generation! I get misty-eyed when I think back to "you've got mail!"
     
118. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-05 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-05 Pub. Date: 2016-05-05
Image Number: 142739
Caption: Play the last Donald Trump speech. Playing … Take out all the bragging. Processing … Ok, ready. Playing … Hello! … if … but you know what? They didn't count on … when … they said "Mister Trump" … and why … penguin … goodnight. Maybe put back some of the bragging. Processing ...
     
119. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-04-15 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-04-15 Pub. Date: 2016-04-15
Image Number: 141818
Caption: What was Rudy like as a child, Mort? He was a very adventurous young man. Every time I visited, he would tell me about his exploits. About how he climbed mountains with some other child named Q-bert … He'd tell me about how he'd spend hours and hours collecting coins with his friends Mario and Luigi ... who just put the Joker back in Arkham Asylum? This guy!! I don't know what that means, but it sounds very strenuous.
     
120. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-03-23 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-03-23 Pub. Date: 2016-03-23
Image Number: 140828
Caption: What were you doing during the Iraq war, Randy? What are you talking about? We knew each other back then. That was like 10 or 13 years ago. You can't expect me to remember every little detail about something that happened so long ago. I regularly delete old memory files to make room for all the new data constantly coming my way via Facebook, tweets, Instagram, etc. I wish I didn't have to do that. I wish I could just expand my storage by sticking a flash drive in my nose. Why don't you try? Maybe it'll work.
     
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