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Rudy Park

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81. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-06 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-06 Pub. Date: 2017-08-06
Image Number: 160628
Caption: Do you remember your first kiss? There was snow on the ground. There was snow everywhere. The grown-ups were all out. My father, Rocky, was out hunting with the other fellas. The scent of willow, or maybe white sage, woke me from my peaceful slumber. I turned to see from whence it came. That's when I saw her, kneeling beside a crackling flame, her eyes and her smile aglow with dancing ribbons of amber light. Our eyes met. I strode toward her. In silence, I sat beside her. I looked deep into her eyes. She looked deeper into mine. She grunted melodically, and I leaned in ... "Grunted"? I lightly brushed my lips against hers, and then pounded my chest to claim her as my own. I meant your first kiss in this life. We donned our lion furs and rode into the snowy night on the back of a mastodon to ask the volcano for permission to get busy, as was our clan's custom.
82. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-31 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-31 Pub. Date: 2017-07-31
Image Number: 161036
Caption: Hey boss, it's July 31st. A couple years ago, you said come back July 31, 2017, and we could talk about you giving me a raise. Yes, but that was predicated on the notion that you'd need a raise by now. I see you're still alive. Clearly you haven't starved to death. You smell minty-fresh, so clearly you haven't been forced out into the streets. Karl Marx said it best: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need." I'm pretty sure that is not what Marx meant.
83. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-25 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-25 Pub. Date: 2017-07-25
Image Number: 160764
Caption: I hear they think they finally identified the wreckage of Amelia Earhart's plane. Finally! I took them long enough! I planted that fake wreckage way back in 1937! And it wasn't easy! In '37, the tiny atoll of Nikumaroro was hard to reach. I had to take two rafts and a bus. You, uh ... You don't believe her ... do you? Almost. Definitely not.
84. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-19 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-19 Pub. Date: 2017-07-19
Image Number: 160521
Caption: Did you feel that, Randy? I think I was an earthquake. Tough to tell, little buddy. I had just come up with an idea for a new book in my "Randy's MAN-uals" series. The working title would be "The Back-Hair Formula: How to Ensure Your Inner Beast is a Lion, Not a Woolly Mammoth" I'll have to shorten that, of course. The earth often shakes when I get a good idea. Well, my mind was completely blank at the time, so ... pretty sure it was an earthquake.
85. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-07 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-07 Pub. Date: 2017-07-07
Image Number: 159995
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie Show. We're back with a caller whose house burned down while he was being diagnosed with gout. There is a silver lining: At least you're not a muscle-bound oaf or his puny celebrity-obsessed sidekick. Both Randy Taylor and Rudy Park are world-class disappointments, so they shall remain nameless so as to spare their poor mothers the humiliation. Not cool, Sadie. Not cool. We're famous!
86. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-06 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-06 Pub. Date: 2017-06-06
Image Number: 158832
Caption: To: Rudy Park. From: Lemont Brown. What're you up to these days, Brother Park? That depends. If we're talking the SimCity game I began back when we were in college in '93 … I'm up to 14 linked quad-core RAID devices that take up the whole basement. That's not what I meant. It's costing me a fortune, but I've been playing the same game for so long that I'm pretty sure my 59 billion Sims have become sentient and worship me as a deity. I meant how do you spend your time these days? Working. I've got 59 billion mouths to feed. Tap tap tap tap.
87. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-25 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-25 Pub. Date: 2017-05-25
Image Number: 158355
Caption: Federal Agent Murph … just so I get this straight, I'm not a suspect in the potential Russian blackmailing of the president? Of course not. I'm counting on you to cover it. As a journalist. I suspect my superiors are caving to pressure from the White House. My investigation may hit a brick wall. So the press may be our only hope to at least get it all out there. And since the suspect Rudy Park is your old roomie, I figured you'd want to be the one to tail him to Moscow. Then why am I tied up in the back of your van mphmph. Figured you'd like a ride to the airport. You're welcome.
88. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-24 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-24 Pub. Date: 2017-05-24
Image Number: 158354
Caption: We don't suspect you of helping Russia blackmail the president. It's your college roommate, Rudy Park. He's the mole. Ithee. Thn hwcm imn hur? You and I go way back, Lemont. Of all the journalists I've monitored, you're by far my favorite. Mmble. Huh? I said "Untie me and let me go, you fascist, jack-booted thug!" Anyway, you've heard of "Deep Throat," right? Well ... first thing we need to do is come up with a good code name for me.
89. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-20 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-20 Pub. Date: 2017-05-20
Image Number: 158093
Caption: On today's Ask Sadie Radio Hour, we discuss one topic: The constant flirtation with fleeing to Canada. Canada has universal health insurance, far fewer killings, much less bigotry, more social mobility, better schools, less obesity, 50 weeks' maternity leave, blah blah blah. But that means nothing, because you know what they don't have? Panicky media telling you who to blame for the sky falling! We'll be back, after this message from Depends undergarments.
90. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-18 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-18 Pub. Date: 2017-05-18
Image Number: 158091
Caption: Rudy, you can't meet with the Russians. It'll be a disaster of epic proportions. How so? What could possibly go wrong? There are always unintended consequences with Russia. It was summer of 1988. I was a teenager on a one-man goodwill tour across the Soviet Union. Just me, my Harley and my leather jacket ... that is, until I visited the Kremlin. Let's just say I rode the last few thousand miles of that journey with a beautiful older blonde named Irina clinging to my back. Her father Mikhail was furious. He was so distracted for the next year that his entire country fell apart. Wait ... who was her father? Remind me to show you my Presidential Medal of Freedom.
91. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-14 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-14 Pub. Date: 2017-05-14
Image Number: 157405
Caption: Give us a drink that says "We're back in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together again. Give my snookums anything she wants. Anything her precious heart desires. Anything at all! You don't remember what my favorite drink is, do you ... dear? Oh, please forgive me for thinking you'd appreciate that I'm not a presumptuous jerk who thinks you're incapable of ordering for yourself. Like that pompous English professor you left me for ... babykins. You mean "for whom I left you." Give my darling pudding-pop the worst-tasting swill on your menu. Leave me out of this! And give me a big, strong, English muffin.
92. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-07 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-07 Pub. Date: 2017-05-07
Image Number: 157127
Caption: I've traveled back through time to warn: The aliens are here. Open Mike Night Presents Future Guy. They hitched rides in on Halley's Comet every time it's near. Living nanites masquerading as technology … depending on the gullibility of you and me. 200,000 years of riding horses and buggies ... and suddenly we're 3-D printing tools and cars and trees? They're everywhere, just biding time to finish their big plan. They're in your phones, your watch, your cars, and they are nearly done. The brain ... the AI ... will arrive ... in 2061. (July 28th to be exact ... that, my crew is a natural fact). I'm warning you this way 'cause it's the only way, you see. For some reason, they get confused by rhymes and poetry. In short, I've come to warn you, evolution's happening. You want your kids to survive it? Teach them how to rap ... pening. That was close. Odd ... my phone lit up for no reason, and then went back to sleep.
93. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-29 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-29 Pub. Date: 2017-04-29
Image Number: 157301
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? How do I tell my wife I'm not who she thinks I am? Excellent questions. It reminds me of the time I palled around with a homely lady back in the '50s. She was one heck of a dancer, but she was secretive guarded. The more I pried into her secrets, the more paranoid she grew. "Somebody's spying on me," she said. "It could be anyone." ... I read that in her diary. If you ask me, that Jo McCarthy was a real basket case. Um ... What did I call you about?
94. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-10 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-10 Pub. Date: 2017-04-10
Image Number: 156746
Caption: Four years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadieâ„¢ Show, our resident octogenarian asked listeners for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Sadie, I was going to suggest you start a YouTube channel to share your advice with younger people. But YouTube just stabbed its content creators in the back. They stopped showing ads on videos discussing anything even remotely controversial. That's going to put so many important voices out of business. So I don't really have any advice for you. Good luck, - D.P., formerly of YouTubeLand. WHAT THE HECK IS YOUTUBE?!?! Advise Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com
95. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-18 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-18 Pub. Date: 2017-03-18
Image Number: 155669
Caption: Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there, I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go. Of course I'm not. What's that beeping? I hear beeping in there. You're mistaken. What you probably heard is a big truck backing up a few blocks away. I've backed up. I've put on my motorcycle helmet. I'm getting a running start. But I'm almost at the next level! ... I mean I'm almost done.
96. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-10 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-10 Pub. Date: 2017-03-10
Image Number: 155395
Caption: Boss, if you could be any animal on earth, which one would you be? I'm glad you asked, minion. I'd be a nocturnal, camouflaged Wobbegong at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. There I'd lie in wait, ever vigilant, ever hungry … ever ready to devour any creature large or small unlucky enough to brush against my whiskers. I'm going to back away now. No, no ... don't back away, minion ... That's when the Wobbegong will get you.
97. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-17 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-17 Pub. Date: 2017-02-17
Image Number: 154554
Caption: Really? You're hiring me back to replace the robot you just replaced me with? I've had a change of heart, minion. It may be cheaper to automate my café. But it dawned on me that robots don't buy very many drinks. Plus, as much as I try to let the bottom line guide me, I am, deep down, a very compassionate man. I couldn't bear the thought of you being poor and miserable. Maybe he's not such a bad man. Plus, one accidental incineration of a customer and the authorities get all weird about it.
98. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-29 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-29 Pub. Date: 2017-01-29
Image Number: 152972
Caption: What can I get you? An explanation about why Disney can't do what we all want the to do … and have the folks who made Rogue One go back and remake the super-lame Star Wars prequel trilogy. Would you like the inaccurate explanation or the accurate one? Inaccurate would be lovely, please. It's too soon to remake "Phantom Menace." Plus it'd be confusing. Besides, the prequels were good enough. What're you talking about? It's been 18 years since "Phantom Menace." And movies get rebooted all the time, and no one gets confused. And no, they were most definitely not good enough. Well you asked for the inaccurate version. Oh. Can I try the accurate one, then? Ok. It's because it's just easier to pretend the prequels never existed. But I want them to officially never have existed.
99. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-18 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-18 Pub. Date: 2017-01-18
Image Number: 153430
Caption: You've reached Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you? I'm about to leave the country. I'm taking a four-year cruise around the world. I should be back on or after January 21st, 2021. But I can only afford a ticket for myself, not for my wife. How do I explain to her that she's going to have to stay behind? Before I answer: Is this by any chance related to Donald Trump's upcoming inauguration? It's every man for himself.
100. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-16 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-16 Pub. Date: 2017-01-16
Image Number: 153428
Caption: Mommy and I are back from New Zealand. How was your trip? It was great. I got to see where the Hobbits lived. And there was green everywhere. Then we had to go. They wouldn't grant you and your mom refugee status? No. We tried Antarctica after that. We tried real hard to fit in. But the penguins just would not accept us as part of their society. Tell your mommy Trump's only going to be president for eight short years.
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