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Candorville

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Result page:    2  3  Next  (50 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-10 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-10 Pub. Date: 2017-12-10
Image Number: 165352
Caption: I've been racking my brain trying to think of every interaction I've ever had with a woman. Dr. Noodle. I mean, when I was in my twenties, I did what guys in their twenties often did: I hit on women. Lots of them. We used to think that if a lady wasn’t interested, we just weren't trying hard enough. There were books about how to be more clever. How to be a pickup artist. There were times at the club when I was dancing with a lady, thought I had a shot, and went in for a kiss. Sometimes they didn't even know they were into me until I kissed them. But then they kissed back. Other times, they pushed me off and that was that ... or so I thought. Now, at any moment, some random woman could come forward and ruin my life. Well, lets start by acknowledging it's a healthy thing for society that men are learning what it's like to live in fear, for a change. Doesn't feel healthy.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-24 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-24 Pub. Date: 2017-09-24
Image Number: 162394
Caption: I can't shake the feeling that nothing is really real, doc. Dr. Noodle. I just got my doctorate in history. And I watch the news every day. And I've started feeling like I've wasted my whole life studying things that never happened. I mean, if everything I see happening right now is "fake," how am I supposed to trust history? How am I supposed to know that Mussolini or Napoleon or Genghis Khan or Robespierre or Caligula were ever really all that bad? Maybe all the journalists and scribes who chronicled their reigns were part of an age-old fake-news conspiracy dating all the way back to the days of Peisistratos? I see. When exactly did these doubts begin? Oh, about 546 B.C.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-22 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-22 Pub. Date: 2017-09-22
Image Number: 162852
Caption: Even after all these years, momma still won't tell me who my father is. All I know is, she met him when she was a waitress at a casino in Vegas, back in the seventies. I feel like she owes it to me to tell me. Your mom gave you life, raised you all by herself, worked from sunup to sundown to give you everything you needed ... Yeah, she really does "owe" you something. Glad you agree.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-17 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-17 Pub. Date: 2017-08-17
Image Number: 161534
Caption: Hello, me, I'm you form the future. I've come back in time to ask you to do a wider variety of activities. Go visit seedy bars in foreign lands and get into misadventures with the locals, become a reality tv star and then run for office. Go live amongst the Aborigines in Australia and when you return, try to smuggle a kangaroo past customs. Anything! Our grandkids are tired of hearing the same five stories over and over again, is that I'm saying. Zzzzz.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-12 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-12 Pub. Date: 2017-02-12
Image Number: 153753
Caption: I'll take you back on one condition: No more cheating. Ok. Also, you'd better not even look at another woman. Ok. And you have to give me all your passwords so I can monitor all your social media accounts. Ok. And you have to go to counseling with me and admit how horrible a person you are. And you have to come home straight after work. And you have to get my permission to go anywhere else. And you can't talk to any females other than me or your mother. And you have to let me handle all your finances. And you have to keep quiet when my friends and family treat you like the trash you are for the rest of your life. I thought you said one condition. "Your life being over" IS one condition. Note to self: Never, ever, ever say "take me back."
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-29 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-29 Pub. Date: 2017-01-29
Image Number: 153149
Caption: It all started back in college when I bought a copy of "Mimic City." It was cheap: About 20 simoleons. Dr. Noodle. I played it night and day. When "Mimic City 2" came out, I rushed out to buy it. And every few years a newer, better one would come out. Every iteration was more advanced than the last. The little mimics who populated Mimic City came to seem more and more real. They had jobs, and love lives, and had mimic kids, and grew old. Eventually, I started to wonder: If my mimics behave as if they're real ... what if they actually believe they're real? Would that make me their God? And, if they think they're real ... what if I only THINK I'm real? What if I and everyone else in Simkind are actually living in some game called "Sim City"? Not to self: Stop self-medicating, and just to be sure, delete games from phone. Thank you, Almighty Noodle, for listening to my prayers. Amen.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-09 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-09 Pub. Date: 2016-08-09
Image Number: 147066
Caption: How do I take care of my child, do my work, and still make time to do the things I used to do for fun? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2. Your problem is you think you can have e'rethang. Butcha-cain't! Get over it! In life, you ALWAYS gotta pick two outta three. Is that backed up by any studies? Oh, so you want advice cheap, quick and well-informed?
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-04 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-04 Pub. Date: 2015-10-04
Image Number: 132818
Caption: Clyde, have you seen my vintage 1980s Flash Gordon tank top? Your what? It was one of the last survivors of a more enlightened age … when real men weren't afraid to wear loose-fitting tank tops and bright, colorful booty shorts. I've been saying them all my life, for when that comes back in style. Ok, what gon' happen now is, you gonna back up about five feet ... an' I'm gonna forget this conversation ever happened. Give me back my booty shorts!
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-25 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-25 Pub. Date: 2015-08-25
Image Number: 131714
Caption: Why we be watchin' a home improvement show, Big L? We both renters. Why'd you turn it to business news? Neither of us got no investments. Why'd you turn it to "Facts of Life" reruns, both of us men, dawg. You want me to turn it to "I owe Big L $2, I'd better pay him back"? Quiet. Tootie 'bout to say something.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-06 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-06 Pub. Date: 2015-06-06
Image Number: 127780
Caption: Hello, mom, you've reached Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm busy being too permissive with my child, which as you say will lead him to a life of crime. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I'm done panhandling for his future bail money. (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-04-27).
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-26 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-26 Pub. Date: 2015-03-26
Image Number: 124644
Caption: If you could go back in time ten years, but you couldn't come back, and you would not be ten years younger … would you do it? Only if I were an idiot. But if you went into the past, you could invest wisely and get rich. Yeah, but I'd die ten years earlier. We may only be decades away from figuring out how to end aging, or how to upload our consciousness to immortal android bodies. If I die ten years early, I might miss out on that. You know that stuff would only be for rich people, right? I've got $8,000 in an IRA.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-11 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-11 Pub. Date: 2015-02-11
Image Number: 122691
Caption: The Chronicle wants to hire me back and send me to cover the whole ISIS thing. Dr. Noodle. A few years ago, I'd have jumped at the chance, no matter how dangerous it is over there for journalists, because the truth is more important than me. But now, all I can think of is that my baby boy needs me. I'm his whole world. That makes me more important than anything. Does that make me a responsible parent, or a raging narcissist? A little raging narcissism is a good thing. Ph.D.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-27 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-27 Pub. Date: 2015-01-27
Image Number: 121962
Caption: "James Bond" can't be black. Why not? Black, white, so what? Was he ever black in the books? I don't think they ever even mentioned ethnicity. All he has to be is smooth, charming, debonair and cunning. What's important is that he's English. And there are plenty of black men in England. There'd be a lot of bigots furious about this. Bonus. It would give me a reason to avoid the internet and have a life again. Dios mio.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-09-12 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-09-12 Pub. Date: 2013-09-12
Image Number: 101335
Caption: Whachooneed, whachooneed … I got a iPhone, a razor, a left sock, an' WMDs. Wait … Back up. What do you mean you have "a left sock"? Do you go around to laundromats and homes and steal left socks out of dryers? Are YOU the reason all the left socks go missing? Two for $5, six for $10. (Sigh.) Give me six. Thug 4 Life.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-09-02 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-09-02 Pub. Date: 2013-09-02
Image Number: 101087
Caption: I suppose you're wondering why I've been avoiding you all week. Well … I just didn’t want to talk about what I knew you were gonna wanna talk about. Thug 4 Life. So … How's everything, Clyde? Fine, now that Miley Cyrus tongue back in her mouth. Never thought I'd see a gecko twerking on my TV. We'll try this again next week.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-20 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-20 Pub. Date: 2013-08-20
Image Number: 100552
Caption: Why we be watchin' a home improvement show, Big L? We both RENTERS. Why'd you turn it to business news? Neither of us got no investments. Why'd you turn it to "Facts Of Life" reruns, both of us MEN, dawg. You want me to turn it to "I Owe Big L $2, I'd Better Pay Him Back"? Quiet. Tootie 'bout to say something.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-16 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-16 Pub. Date: 2013-07-16
Image Number: 99241
Caption: With Obamacare coming, corporations everywhere be figurin' out ways to get out of it. Fatburger gonna "share" employees with other Fatburgers. Thug 4 Life. That way, ain't no one gonna work enough hours at any one place to qualify for health insurance. Whatever. Give me back my Fatburger. I'm helpin' you keep a clear conscience.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-06 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-06 Pub. Date: 2013-07-06
Image Number: 98737
Caption: Hey Clyde, I need that $2 I loaned you. What fo'? What do you mean "What for?" I'm the one who loaned it to you. I'M the one who had a right to know why you needed it … … Not the other way around. It's the principle of the thing. If you can't even tell me what he's principal of, I ain't back-loaning you no money. Thug 4 Life.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-06-05 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-06-05 Pub. Date: 2013-06-05
Image Number: 97640
Caption: Studies show that channel-flipping leads to attention deficit disorder. Click. Thug 4 Life. This side up. In other news, what you're doing right now is likely to kill you if you don’t stop right this instant. Click. Find out more after the break. Click. Studies show that channel-flipping leads to ... Something or other ... I don't recall. Back to you, Wolf.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-17 back to life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-17 Pub. Date: 2013-05-17
Image Number: 96903
Caption: Lemont accompanies a 94-year-old World War II veteran on the train to the afterlife. Last stop, everyone off. It was my honor to accompany you, Mr. Bell. Nobody should have to go alone. I was never alone. In the end I had my sister; her husband' my companion, Dr. Bennie Reams. And my grandson and his fiancée had moved in with me to help out. He was with me when I left for home. You're very proud of your family, aren't you? My grandson's a cartoonist. He's in the papers. Do you Always carry that rolled up in your back pocket?
     
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