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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-02 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-02 Pub. Date: 2017-10-02
Image Number: 163370
Caption: Thank god the GOP has given up trying to take health care away from millions of people. No they haven't. Trying-to-repeal-Obamacare has become a tradition, like celebrating-holidays-by-not-thinking-about-why-we-have-a-day-off-and-just-barbecuing has become a tradition. I've stocked up on hot dog buns and beer for the next repeal day. You-not-letting-me-enjoy-the-moment has become a tradition.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-05 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-05 Pub. Date: 2017-09-05
Image Number: 162343
Caption: Do you know how know there's no god, Rosencrantz? Because we've been abandoned. Will eat for food. I once spun a top, Tyrone. I spun it and I walked away. How it fell, I have no idea. But I know this: An intelligent being spun that top. I thought you said you spun that top. Don't resent me just because I just blew your mind.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-30 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-30 Pub. Date: 2017-08-30
Image Number: 162089
Caption: What do you mean you don't take Joss Whedon's ex-wife's article at face value? She wrote that he cheated on her for years. That settles everything. No it doesn't. All we heard is her side of the story. And she said at one point she moved away from her personal values to get closer to him. What does that mean. I'll tell you what it might mean: It might mean she knew more than she's letting on, but she was ok with it all the way until he decided to divorce her. Only then did she go back and rewrite history to portray herself as the totally unsuspecting victim. Is this about how your ex lied to the court about you? Is this about how your ex cheated on you?
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-16 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-16 Pub. Date: 2017-08-16
Image Number: 161533
Caption: You know what? If we ever create faster-than-light travel, we can prove whether Jesus existed. We found a planet orbiting a star in the Cygnus constellation 2,000 light years away. That means if we were there right now, we could peer back at earth through a super-powerful telescope and see events that happened 2,000 years ago. If Jesus were real, we could see him going about his business: performing miracles ... coming back from the dead ... picking his nose ... He never would've done that, Lemont. You know how much dust there is in the Middle East?
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-11 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-11 Pub. Date: 2017-08-11
Image Number: 161295
Caption: What we gotta go anywhere else for? Y'all can have your Norways an' Canadas an' Denmarks … if you need to be "happy" an' "educated" an' "health-cared" an' not shot or locked up in a private prison. All y'all soft bruthas can move if you want to, but C-Dog ain't 'fraid of hard-livin'. I'm not running away, Clyde, I just want us to measure up to every other civilized country. You want a unicorn with that, or just a pony?
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-05 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-05 Pub. Date: 2017-08-05
Image Number: 161035
Caption: You know what I love more than almost anything in this world, Clyde? … French fries. They're like a tragic, ill-fated romance. No matter how bad they are for me, I just can't stay away. Can I have some of your fries, Clyde? Sorry, bruh, my fries be monogamous.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-07 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-07 Pub. Date: 2017-07-07
Image Number: 159983
Caption: Ok Ace … I'm coming out. I'll stop pushing you away. I promise I won't let my fear or anything else get in the way of whatever it is you wanted to talk about. Marry me. Susan Ometeotl Garcia, will you m … Marry me. Dios mio! That's Lemont's girlfriend! With some other guy! You're trying my patience.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-29 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-29 Pub. Date: 2017-06-29
Image Number: 159711
Caption: Lemont's in Russia … Where'd you take Rudy Park? He was on the boat with me. I was writing a story about him when someone … Oh, come, come … It's as if you've never seen stooge whisked away by unmarked black van to meet with rich Mafia-connected oligarch before. Anyway, you wanted to talk about interference with election. No really, but ... ok. Which one? 1953 overthrow of Iran's Mossadegh? 1954 overthrow of Guatemala's Arbenz? 1960 overthrow of Congolese Prime Minister Lumumba? 1964 overthrow of Brazil's Goulart? 1973 coup in Chile? I see what you're doing. Oh wait ... those were yours.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-27 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-27 Pub. Date: 2017-06-27
Image Number: 159709
Caption: That's a shame. What's a shame? Did I do something wrong, officer? TSA. Yes, you did. You let your boyfriend turn you down. So what if he's 15,000 miles away in Russia? If I were your man, I'd never let that stop me. I would fly to the ends of the earth for you. This routing ever work for you? Good lord this routine must work for you.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-07 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-07 Pub. Date: 2017-06-07
Image Number: 158827
Caption: How can I help you, sir? The monitor stopped working. I can't follow the plane's progress. I don't know where we are. Well … sir, you don't really need to know where we are at all time. You're not the pilot. But you were showing me our location. I got used to seeing it. It was comforting. You can't just snatch it away! Don't you have other binkies? Where's you iPhone? I need to know precisely when we pass the North Pole!
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-25 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-25 Pub. Date: 2017-04-25
Image Number: 157285
Caption: Susan called 911 on me, Clyde. She was trying to get them to come take me in for a heart attack she thought I was having. But they put her on hold. And after a while, she sort of fell asleep and I sort of snuck away. Whachoomean "sort of," Big L? Ain't no such thing as "sort of." Somethin' either be or be not, bruh. One ambulance ride and one day in the hospital would eat up my whole life savings. Dead people ain't got no life savings, bruh.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-16 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-16 Pub. Date: 2017-04-16
Image Number: 156261
Caption: I read your article about the "Russian-y Hall" scandal. I have a question. Fire away, Susan. Why "Russian-y Hall"? Why not "Russiagate"? That's your question? Not "How did you find out all that info about Trump's staffers colluding with Russia?" Not "How did you get all those interviews with the Russians who bought hundreds of millions of dollars' worth of Trump real estate in Florida?" (Sigh) ... Fine ... The Trump scandals are more reminiscent of the 19th century Tammany Hall corruption than they are of Watergate. I explained all that in the first paragraph. I thought you said you read the article! Well, I sort of didn't go any further than the "Russian-y Hall or Russian-Pot Dome?" headline.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-07 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-07 Pub. Date: 2017-04-07
Image Number: 156469
Caption: Guess who's coming to town, Susan. Turbo! Who? What do you mean, "Who?" Turbo. The guy we used to hand out with, from preschool all the way through college, where you fell in love with him … until you dated him. That lasted like a week before you couldn't stand the sight of him, and then he moved far, far away. That turbo. Doesn't ring a bell. You don't have to wish all your exes to the corn field, you know. I loved that episode.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-14 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-14 Pub. Date: 2017-03-14
Image Number: 155653
Caption: What's with teenage girls running away to join ISIS? Are they crazy? Don't they know how they treat women? Some girls just can't help being drawn to "bad boys." And evil men are the "baddest" around. It's the excitement. It's the danger. It's the thrill of being with someone who could utterly ruin you ... er, I assume. I wouldn't really know.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-10 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-10 Pub. Date: 2017-03-10
Image Number: 155383
Caption: When did you know you were in love with Vancouver? It happened one night over Skype … I said "we must be double-planets, because our barycenter is somewhere between us in space, outside of either of our bodies … and because in our orbit around it, we're tidally locked, unable to turn away form one another." When she bit her lip and told me "that was so sexy" instead of slowly backing away from her computer, I knew it was true love. Dios mio.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-30 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-30 Pub. Date: 2016-11-30
Image Number: 151552
Caption: Ok, Garcia, the truth: I took you off the Trump contract because you're like a daughter to me. I didn't want you exposed to that. I didn't like the things he said about how he treats women. And those things don't go away just 'cause he won. Oh. Well … in that case, sir, that's awfully sweet. Yayle. CEO of the Year ... and awfully patronizing! I'm a grown woman, I can handle myself. Oops. Do you need extraction, sir?
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-27 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-27 Pub. Date: 2016-10-27
Image Number: 150197
Caption: We were respectable in those days, Rosencrantz. Which days, Tyrone? Those Halcyon days when we were finally on our own, still young and full of promise … before the world picked us up and whittled away our options like we were pieces of driftwood. I think it was the period between October third, 1991, and October fifth, 1991. I remember that.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-12 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-12 Pub. Date: 2016-10-12
Image Number: 149611
Caption: When Vancouver approached me, the rest of the crowd seemed to desaturate. It was like everyone else turned black and white, but Vancouver stood before me in brilliant color. When she hugged me and I felt her soft hair on my face, the rest of the world faded away. And I couldn't feel my feet. After I Googled those symptoms and it turned out not to be a stroke, I realized it was love at first sight.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-16 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-16 Pub. Date: 2016-09-16
Image Number: 148483
Caption: I've been in long-distance relationships too, so I know how you feel. The fear that they aren't as into you as you're into them, but you're too far away to pick up on the body language. The near certainty that while you're hundreds of miles away, someone else has got their hands all over them. I hadn't really thought about any of that. Thanks a lot. You're welcome. Bus. 7 9 18 27 F 6
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-06 away 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-06 Pub. Date: 2016-09-06
Image Number: 148215
Caption: This just in: Astronomers discover an earthlike planet orbiting the nearest star, Proxima Centauri. Click Some are starting to question whether there's proof Donald Trump's grandfather immigrated from Germany. He could have come from anywhere. Click ... Proxima Centauri is just 4.24 light years away. In cosmic terms that's right next door. This end up.
     
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