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21. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-10 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-10 Pub. Date: 2014-05-10
Image Number: 111022
Caption: The suit-animals tossed me $85 in coins today, Rosencrantz. They gave you $84.50. So? Do you assume that makes you better? Do you not have even a flicker of doubt about that whole system of self-worth measurement? Suppose it had come down against you, with ME getting 50 cents more? It could easily have happened ... ... And by your system, that'd make you inferior. Shouldn't you be shining my shoes?
     
22. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-15 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-15 Pub. Date: 2014-03-15
Image Number: 108532
Caption: Have you noticed the new Arsenio Hall show got funnier once he grew a goatee? And remember how Star Trek's Captain Sisko got a lot cooler once he grew a goatee? Remember how Malcom X got a lot more "Malcom X"-y once he grew a goatee? Why, then, is the goat the most boring land mammal there is? Right now you're making me doubt that's the case.
     
23. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-11 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-11 Pub. Date: 2013-12-11
Image Number: 104849
Caption: Yesterday I was joking around with Clyde, and I called his momma a "horse." Right away, I felt guilty. Women are human beings, not barn animals. So my joke was kind of sexist. It's not your fault, Lemont. You can't help it. ALL men are pigs.
     
24. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-22 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-22 Pub. Date: 2013-07-22
Image Number: 99559
Caption: I'm boycotting the entire state of Florida, Susan. First, they can't count their votes in 2000. Then they make minorities stand in line all day to vote. Then they pass laws making it ok to provoke a fight then kill the other guy when you start to lose. Never trust a state with alligators. But they're cute.
     
25. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-04 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-04 Pub. Date: 2013-05-04
Image Number: 96491
Caption: The suit-animals tossed me $85 in coins today, Rosencrantz. They gave you $84.50. So? Do you assume that makes you better? Do you not have even a flicker of doubt about that whole system of self-worth measurement? Suppose it had come down against you, with me getting 50 cents more? It could've easily happened ... ... And by your system, that'd make you inferior. Shouldn't you be shining my shoes? (Originally published 2011-07-30).
     
26. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-03-24 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-03-24 Pub. Date: 2013-03-24
Image Number: 94390
Caption: Gregs-list.org. Jobs: TV-video/find talent. Trained polar bear for commercial. Search. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. Gregs-list.org. Results: EXPERIENCED, trained polar bear available for freelance work. 20 years of commercial, film and television experience. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. Multiple awards, including an Oscar, a Clio, and a Blue Ribbon at the Los Angeles County Fair. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. Recent clients include Tyler Perry, Burger Queen, Taco Alarm and Animal Planet. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. My day rate is six endangered seals and two fishermen all doused in oyster sauce. Please send details about your project and note whether your skull is sweet or tangy. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006.
     
27. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-08-21 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-08-21 Pub. Date: 2012-08-21
Image Number: 86183
Caption: If you had roaches and didn’t want anyone to know … … So you smuggled a flock of birds into your apartment to eat them … … And then you got a cat to get rid of all the fat birds … … And then got a dog to get rid of the cat … Would you tell anyone? Hypothetically speaking.
     
28. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-07-30 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-07-30 Pub. Date: 2011-07-30
Image Number: 63738
Caption: The suit-animals tossed me $85 in coins today, Rosencrantz. They gave you $84.50. So? Do you assume that makes you better? Do you not have even a flicker of doubt about that whole system of self-worth measurement? Suppose it had come down against you, with me getting 50 cents more? It could've easily happened ... ... And by your system, that'd make you inferior. Shouldn't you be shining my shoes?
     
29. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-23 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-23 Pub. Date: 2011-03-23
Image Number: 58863
Caption: What do you mean, what tsunami? The one in Japan! Don't you ever watch the news? No I don't watch the news. The news gonna tell me: politicians corrupt? Nature kill people? People kill people? Celebrities act like fools? Only the names and places change, but the story always the same: we fragile animals here for just a minute before we gone; and while we here, we sometimes wreak havoc, but sometimes we help each other. Only you can make ignorance sound wise. Thanks, dawg. But lots of people can do that.
     
30. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-19 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-19 Pub. Date: 2011-03-19
Image Number: 58581
Caption: The Galapagos woodpecker uses sticks to help it obtain food. Would you call that "unnatural"? Of course not! The woodpecker is an animal. It's "natural," so anything it does is also natural. Man is also an animal. Mankind is "natural" too. So everything we do, from using sticks, to creating so-called "artificial" sugar, is also natural. You are so not giving up diet cola. Would you ask a woodpecker to give up his stick?
     
31. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-06-24 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-06-24 Pub. Date: 2010-06-24
Image Number: 48743
Caption: Lemont travels back in time to fix his life. U.C. Berkeley Dormitories Freeborn Hall. Sasha Mitchell will be here in a few minutes, carrying a teddy bear. She'll say his name is "Lemont, Jr." For some reason, that won't scare you. That's because you and she are meant to be. 16 years ago, I took her up to my room and totally screwed it all up. But you can fix it. Do it right and you'll save us from a lonely life of misery. ... No pressure. Screw up, and the rest of your life will be worthless.
     
32. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-02-25 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-02-25 Pub. Date: 2010-02-25
Image Number: 44348
Caption: The problem with you Republicans and you Democrats is you're all corrupt elitists! We should vote EVERYONE out in office and put REAL PEOPLE in charge! Just like the animals did in that book "Animal Farm." Um … did you FINISH reading that book? Not really. Why?
     
33. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-11-13 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-11-13 Pub. Date: 2009-11-13
Image Number: 40743
Caption: How in the heck did you domesticate these killer wolves? I spent a semester abroad in the '80s. I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro where a guru taught me the ancient art of wolf hypnotism. That's AMAZING. Not really. When you think about it, everytime the man domesticates an animal, there's hypnotism involved. No, I meant I thought you were much older than that. You were in college in the '80s?!
     
34. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-20 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-20 Pub. Date: 2009-06-20
Image Number: 35249
Caption: Lemont Brown's Credo Page 2. This, I believe: People are good. Yes, we're the only species that wrecks other animals' habitats. But we're also the only species that loves other animals so much that we keep them as pets. ...AND as dinner.
     
35. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-17 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-17 Pub. Date: 2009-03-17
Image Number: 30974
Caption: "Technology finally caught up to the vampire Roxanne's dream. She had a baby, and the prophecy came true. "She became invulnerable. She walked in the sun. She knew the taste of garlic twisty bread. "…But she'd never read the WHOLE prophecy. "If a single drop of blood from any animal, living or dead, touched her lips, she would lose it all again, forever. And her APR would shoot up to 29.99%. Fine print's always a killer.
     
36. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-03 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-03 Pub. Date: 2009-03-03
Image Number: 30447
Caption: You gonna what? I'm gonna take this little doggy home. Just for the night. I mean sure, her canine teeth are really long, her eyes are glowing red and she might be a vicious, blood-thirsty wolf… …But she's all alone and she needs me. OH! That reminds me, we gotta talk about yo' taste in men. Grrrrr.
     
37. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-02 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-02 Pub. Date: 2009-03-02
Image Number: 30446
Caption: What's that? Just some dog. Been followin' me all night. That's no dog, Clyde… THAT'S A WOLF! Nah, wolves travel in packs. This girl's all alone. Oh. Ok. …Unless she ate the other ones.
     
38. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-02-10 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-10 Pub. Date: 2009-02-10
Image Number: 29986
Caption: The knife is special. Sacred. Fwick. 10,000 years ago, when man first tied a piece of sharp flint rock to a wooden stick with leather… …We stopped fearing the lion and the wolf. We stopped fearing anything. …Except other men with bigger knives. Well, yeah there's that... Fwick.
     
39. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-01-29 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-01-29 Pub. Date: 2009-01-29
Image Number: 29703
Caption: What do you mean my friends are a "bad influence"? Well let's take "C-Dog," your thug friend… He's clearly the reason you brutally murder defenseless animals. I like burgers! Big deal! And let's take "Susan," your upwardly mobile advertising executive friend. She's... ...Let's take your thug friend. Let's take YOU.
     
40. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-01-27 animal 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-01-27 Pub. Date: 2009-01-27
Image Number: 29701
Caption: How could you eat that poor sea kitten. Sea what? Fish are no different from this kitten. They've got feelings, they've got… …tails… you wouldn't eat this kitten, would you?! Of course not. Kittens don't taste good with hot sauce. PETA isn't really known for its sense of humor.
     
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