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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about America .

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-07 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-07 Pub. Date: 2018-04-07
Image Number: 170153
Caption: You know a good way to tell your friend his breath remind you of barnyard animals? My breath is just fine, Clyde. You sound defensive, bruh. Of course, I do. You said something about me that isn't true, so I'm defending myself. That's what's wrong with America: Every time an innocent person defends himself, people say that's proof he's guilty. There you go again with your defense-tivity. Your breath must be worse than I though. I'm going to quit while I'm behind.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-05 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-05 Pub. Date: 2018-04-05
Image Number: 170151
Caption: 1983. You know what would be really cool? If Eddie Murphy was president. Why Eddie Murphy? Because his State of the Union speeches would be hilarious. He could dress in a leather suit, do funny voices, cuss a lot … The only thing standing in his way is that he's an entertainer. And America is too serious to put an entertainer in charge. Ronald Reagan's in charge now. That's different. Momma says he was never all that entertaining.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-11 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-11 Pub. Date: 2018-02-11
Image Number: 167702
Caption: Told you fellers Trump would make America great ag'n. He weren't lyin', neither. At&T gave out bonuses. Sure they laid off a buncha folks at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, so that don't count. Wal-Mart gave a buncha workers raises … An' they laid off a buncha folks at Sam's Club at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, go that don't count. MAGA. Over a hundred companies are givin' out one-time $1000 bonuses an' sayin' it's 'cause of the billions of dollars in tax cuts they got. During the last gilded age, the robber barons sometimes handed out pocket change to the poor. They were placating the masses who wanted to break up their huge, unscrupulous, slave-wage-paying corporations. Sounds like fake hist'ry to me. Just saying, $1000 isn't much to pay for pitchfork insurance. We eat the poor.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-29 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-29 Pub. Date: 2018-01-29
Image Number: 167917
Caption: Did you know Youtube is a treasure trove of historic interviews? Last night, I watched Texas Governor John Connally speak. He was in his hospital bed, just days after the and John F. Kennedy were shot in Dallas. He recounted what happened, what was said in the car just before and during the assassination ... and at the end he gave an ominous warning about division in America, and he appealed for tolerance and togetherness. All the commenters agreed he was a little too eloquent, so he must've been in on it. Well, it's good that be brought people together.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-26 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-26 Pub. Date: 2018-01-26
Image Number: 167654
Caption: Twitter. Twitter.comcandorville. @candorville - I read your article about Orpah maybe running for president. I agree with you, the amateurization of America, from Uber to academia to AirBnB to the White House, is a troubling trend. If only we'd all get certified by taking awesome online courses for only $299/month at tinyurl.com/bxn8Lm6. They just get sneakier and sneakier. Anyway, I'm totally just a fan writing to tell you I love your work.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-22 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-22 Pub. Date: 2018-01-22
Image Number: 167650
Caption: A teacher stood up during a public comment portion of a school board meeting … and calmly said it was wrong to give their unelected superintendent a $38,000 pay raise while the teachers got nothing and class sizes grew. Lemme guess what was next. A cop threw her to the ground, cuffed her, dragged her outta there an' arrested her. Clyde! You started watching the news? Don't need to, bruh. America a police state.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-08 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-08 Pub. Date: 2018-01-08
Image Number: 167089
Caption: How was your New Years? Great. This year, I was designated good guy with a gun. You know how every year, bozos all over America fire off their semi-automatic rifles into the air to ring in the new year? Well, the NRA has a hotline for that. You call it, they send out a good guy with a gun to blast all those bullets out of the sky before they can come back down on you and your kids ... You're joking, right? Of course I'm joking. Everyone knows those bullets don't come back down.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-13 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-13 Pub. Date: 2017-11-13
Image Number: 164870
Caption: The ultra right wing's frantic warnings saved this country from an ANTIFA apocalypse back on November 4th. (Sigh) No, they didn't. ANTIFA was going to try and overthrow the Trump government by violently taking over every street corner in America. (Sigh) No. They weren't. Right. That's 'cause they must've found out we were on to them. I personally showed up with my rifles just in case they tried anything, and that's why none of them tried anything. We stopped it. You're welcome. You didn't stop anyth -- ... They were never going to overthr -- (Sigh) ... Oh, never mind. Show some respect, you're talking to a veteran of November the fourth.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-16 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-16 Pub. Date: 2017-10-16
Image Number: 163902
Caption: Do you have any idea how many mass shootings we've had in America this year? In just the first 75 days of the year, we had 273 mass shootings. That's almost one per day. There are more mass shootings than there are days in the baseball season. You know what that means, don't you? It mean mass shootings is America new national pastime. Stop stealing my lines.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-29 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-29 Pub. Date: 2017-08-29
Image Number: 162088
Caption: I read that article you wrote about how DC bringing Joss Whedon to "lighten up" the Justice League movie is endemic of America's refusal to confront harsh realities. How could you, Lemont? What, you don’t agree? Remember how upset America got when Batman V. Superman didn't have enough jokes amidst all the carnage? No, I mean how could you write anything about the philandering cad after his wife published an article about how he cheated on her for 15 years! Don't say anything if you know what's good for you. I think this is a debate I can win.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-11 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-11 Pub. Date: 2017-08-11
Image Number: 161295
Caption: What we gotta go anywhere else for? Y'all can have your Norways an' Canadas an' Denmarks … if you need to be "happy" an' "educated" an' "health-cared" an' not shot or locked up in a private prison. All y'all soft bruthas can move if you want to, but C-Dog ain't 'fraid of hard-livin'. I'm not running away, Clyde, I just want us to measure up to every other civilized country. You want a unicorn with that, or just a pony?
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-10 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-10 Pub. Date: 2017-08-10
Image Number: 161294
Caption: You remember the other day, when I said we're behind a lot of other countries in a lot of areas? Well, I wrote an article about that for Candorville.com. Within 15 minutes, I counted over 3,000 replies that included a variant of the phrase "If you don't like it here, go someplace else." So I did a little more research, and then posted an article about how we're far behind a lot of other countries in "going someplace else." ... That's when I found out we're number one in the amount of angry comments posted in all-caps. I been out of the state once. That was weird.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-09 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-09 Pub. Date: 2017-08-09
Image Number: 161293
Caption: We're behind a lot of other countries in health care, social mobility, internet service, cellphone service, education … income equality, infrastructure, high-speed trains, voting, democratic representation, linguistic diversity, life expectancy, religious diversity, please, press freedom, child well-being, happiness, sleep, literacy, leisure, retirement security, gender equality, minimum wage, homicide rates, prosperity, the cost of food ... Other than military spending and the number of people we throw in prison, we're behind in almost everything ... so why do people still chant "we're number one!" All the time? Where we is on math?
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-09 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-09 Pub. Date: 2017-06-09
Image Number: 158829
Caption: What are those things? What things? Oh, they look like Tomahawk missiles. What?! Are they going to us, or from us?! Oh, from us, definitely. Oh, cool, then, bored now, can I have ear phones.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-07 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-07 Pub. Date: 2017-05-07
Image Number: 157070
Caption: America sure is great agin, I'll tell ya what. After eight long years of darkness, we're finally seein' the light agin. I meant "darkness" as in the metaphorical sense. You know … as in wickedness, evilness or malignant stupidness. I by no means meant anything racial, and you implyin' I did ... well, that sorta assumption-makin' is why you fellas lost the election. Furd. Why are you assuming that I, myself, am not a Trump voter? Well, dang ... you got me on that one. I mean, I'm not ... but that's not the point.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-19 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-19 Pub. Date: 2017-04-19
Image Number: 157014
Caption: Fairness & Accuracy in Reporting surveyed the five top newspapers in America after our attack on Syria. They found that the papers ran 18 opinion pieces about the attack. Guess how many of them were opposed to it? And how many mentioned it was illegal? I'm guessing it was less than 18. It was zero. What I win? I was right, so do I win somethin'? You win a military industrial journalism complex.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-13 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-13 Pub. Date: 2017-02-13
Image Number: 154532
Caption: Sometimes America really disappoints me, Susan. Remember that Super Bowl commercial where the kid says he'll never be this and never do that, because he died in an avoidable childhood accident? My reaction was "with all these people watching … that commercial is probably going to save some child's life." America's reaction was "Hey! Save a kid some other time, I'm trying to eat a nacho here." I'm paraphrasing ... barely.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-31 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-31 Pub. Date: 2017-01-31
Image Number: 153972
Caption: I interviewed President Trump the other day. I think he really believes he only lost the popular vote because there were up to 5 million illegal votes … even though there's zero evidence of that. It didn't make sense 'til yesterday. Remember that line from the Seinfeld rerun we saw last night? "A lie is not a lie if you believe it." America elected George Costanza president.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-15 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-15 Pub. Date: 2016-12-15
Image Number: 152113
Caption: Maybe I should just go back to America and forget about "Vancouver." If I cross this street, walk up that hill, and knock on her door … I'll ruin it for both of us. In-person romance is way different from Facebook. In person, you can't delete or edit your comments before hitting "send." You can't send perfect photos with perfect lighting and perfect angles. I would say "Stop being a punk #@$%," but we don't cuss in Canada.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-01 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-01 Pub. Date: 2016-12-01
Image Number: 151553
Caption: 2016 turned out to be our best year in recorded history. Well … American history, anyway. We still have a ways to go before we match what the German branch did back in the '30s. Fear, Inc. But still … we convinced half the country that savages were either coming to kill them or take their jobs. And we convinced the other half that most of the country is racist and hateful. We also got Kanye West to completely flip out onstage. I'm proud of that one. Fear, Inc.
     
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