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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about America .

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-16 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-16 Pub. Date: 2018-08-16
Image Number: 173502
Caption: America betrayed its Japanese citizens. Stole their homes. Shipped them at gunpoint to concentration camps. Demeaned them. Dehumanized them. Declared them aliens. Abused them … but when I interviewed five-year-old George, he was … ok. Not happy, but … ok. His dad had told him it was all part of their vacation. Wait ... back up ... you're saying you snuck into an air duct here in Candorville ... and climbed out of it in an internment camp in Arkansas in the year 1942? That's not important right now. Important part is, kids can be ok with anything ... as long as they've got mom and dad there to lie to them.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-05 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-05 Pub. Date: 2018-08-05
Image Number: 173086
Caption: Am I the crazy one, doc? All day long all I hear from the news is Russia stole the election. Dr. Noodle. Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia! Russia didn't purse hundreds of thousands of voters in key states … The Republican crosscheck programs did that. Russian didn't challenge the voter registrations of thousands of black people and students all over the place. Vote-caging did that. Russian didn't throw out millions of provisional ballots. America did that. And America doesn't seem to have a problem with any of that. I thought you said you didn't even vote ... because they didn't let me! OMG, why didn't you hear that part?! I know I added that part ... or did I? ... I don't even know anymore.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-24 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-24 Pub. Date: 2018-07-24
Image Number: 173088
Caption: Can you tell me the rest of your story about the refugee jail next week, Lemont? Next week? Next week? This is an important story and America doesn't even care anymore. I know what it is. Every single day the President says something crazy that distracts us from the crazy thing he did or said the previous day. You've been trained. I don't know what you mean. Admit it: You were thinking baby jails are so last month.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-02 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-02 Pub. Date: 2018-07-02
Image Number: 172687
Caption: Dick, can you get met the "Ask Shadie Show" metrics and then get Sadie Cohen on the phone? Can't ma'am. This is America. Don't use the metric system. Doesn't pay to appear un-American in there perilous times. Get to work, Dick. You'll thank me when "they" don't come for you.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-13 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-13 Pub. Date: 2018-05-13
Image Number: 171106
Caption: Dear Jerk … I am offended by your article where you wrote that getting offended is America's new national pastime. I've angrily shown it to all of my friends, after first telling them that what they were about to se was offensive … and each of them agreed with me that it was jut as repugnant as I insisted it was. they all now despise you with a passion, just as I had told them they would before they've ever heard of you. Dear sir or ma'am: I'm not sure your polling methodology is scientifically sound. On behalf of all Americans, I demand an apology, a retraction, and a public flogging. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-29 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-29 Pub. Date: 2018-04-29
Image Number: 170626
Caption: I read your article called We Still Have Slavery in America. What a load of nonsense. Everyone knows our dear, sweet and wonderful Congress abolished slavery with the thirteenth amendment. That's right. But that same 13th amendment says Except as punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly connected. Trump calls mass incarceration "good start". Black and brown people are stopped more often, and convicted more harshly than white people who've done that same stuff, our prisons are mostly black and brown. They force these people to work. Sometimes for next to nothing. But often for nothing at all. They lease convicts out to work in mines, to pick cotton on farms, to sew lingerie, to build weapons of war, and if they refuse to work for free, they're punished. Yeah, well ... slavery was in the 19th century. This is the 21st, ipso facto, it can't be slavery. Haven't you wondered why they've sent millions and millions to prison for smoking the wrong plant?
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-07 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-07 Pub. Date: 2018-04-07
Image Number: 170153
Caption: You know a good way to tell your friend his breath remind you of barnyard animals? My breath is just fine, Clyde. You sound defensive, bruh. Of course, I do. You said something about me that isn't true, so I'm defending myself. That's what's wrong with America: Every time an innocent person defends himself, people say that's proof he's guilty. There you go again with your defense-tivity. Your breath must be worse than I though. I'm going to quit while I'm behind.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-05 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-05 Pub. Date: 2018-04-05
Image Number: 170151
Caption: 1983. You know what would be really cool? If Eddie Murphy was president. Why Eddie Murphy? Because his State of the Union speeches would be hilarious. He could dress in a leather suit, do funny voices, cuss a lot … The only thing standing in his way is that he's an entertainer. And America is too serious to put an entertainer in charge. Ronald Reagan's in charge now. That's different. Momma says he was never all that entertaining.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-11 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-11 Pub. Date: 2018-02-11
Image Number: 167702
Caption: Told you fellers Trump would make America great ag'n. He weren't lyin', neither. At&T gave out bonuses. Sure they laid off a buncha folks at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, so that don't count. Wal-Mart gave a buncha workers raises … An' they laid off a buncha folks at Sam's Club at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, go that don't count. MAGA. Over a hundred companies are givin' out one-time $1000 bonuses an' sayin' it's 'cause of the billions of dollars in tax cuts they got. During the last gilded age, the robber barons sometimes handed out pocket change to the poor. They were placating the masses who wanted to break up their huge, unscrupulous, slave-wage-paying corporations. Sounds like fake hist'ry to me. Just saying, $1000 isn't much to pay for pitchfork insurance. We eat the poor.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-29 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-29 Pub. Date: 2018-01-29
Image Number: 167917
Caption: Did you know Youtube is a treasure trove of historic interviews? Last night, I watched Texas Governor John Connally speak. He was in his hospital bed, just days after the and John F. Kennedy were shot in Dallas. He recounted what happened, what was said in the car just before and during the assassination ... and at the end he gave an ominous warning about division in America, and he appealed for tolerance and togetherness. All the commenters agreed he was a little too eloquent, so he must've been in on it. Well, it's good that be brought people together.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-26 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-26 Pub. Date: 2018-01-26
Image Number: 167654
Caption: Twitter. Twitter.comcandorville. @candorville - I read your article about Orpah maybe running for president. I agree with you, the amateurization of America, from Uber to academia to AirBnB to the White House, is a troubling trend. If only we'd all get certified by taking awesome online courses for only $299/month at tinyurl.com/bxn8Lm6. They just get sneakier and sneakier. Anyway, I'm totally just a fan writing to tell you I love your work.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-22 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-22 Pub. Date: 2018-01-22
Image Number: 167650
Caption: A teacher stood up during a public comment portion of a school board meeting … and calmly said it was wrong to give their unelected superintendent a $38,000 pay raise while the teachers got nothing and class sizes grew. Lemme guess what was next. A cop threw her to the ground, cuffed her, dragged her outta there an' arrested her. Clyde! You started watching the news? Don't need to, bruh. America a police state.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-08 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-08 Pub. Date: 2018-01-08
Image Number: 167089
Caption: How was your New Years? Great. This year, I was designated good guy with a gun. You know how every year, bozos all over America fire off their semi-automatic rifles into the air to ring in the new year? Well, the NRA has a hotline for that. You call it, they send out a good guy with a gun to blast all those bullets out of the sky before they can come back down on you and your kids ... You're joking, right? Of course I'm joking. Everyone knows those bullets don't come back down.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-13 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-13 Pub. Date: 2017-11-13
Image Number: 164870
Caption: The ultra right wing's frantic warnings saved this country from an ANTIFA apocalypse back on November 4th. (Sigh) No, they didn't. ANTIFA was going to try and overthrow the Trump government by violently taking over every street corner in America. (Sigh) No. They weren't. Right. That's 'cause they must've found out we were on to them. I personally showed up with my rifles just in case they tried anything, and that's why none of them tried anything. We stopped it. You're welcome. You didn't stop anyth -- ... They were never going to overthr -- (Sigh) ... Oh, never mind. Show some respect, you're talking to a veteran of November the fourth.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-16 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-16 Pub. Date: 2017-10-16
Image Number: 163902
Caption: Do you have any idea how many mass shootings we've had in America this year? In just the first 75 days of the year, we had 273 mass shootings. That's almost one per day. There are more mass shootings than there are days in the baseball season. You know what that means, don't you? It mean mass shootings is America new national pastime. Stop stealing my lines.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-29 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-29 Pub. Date: 2017-08-29
Image Number: 162088
Caption: I read that article you wrote about how DC bringing Joss Whedon to "lighten up" the Justice League movie is endemic of America's refusal to confront harsh realities. How could you, Lemont? What, you don’t agree? Remember how upset America got when Batman V. Superman didn't have enough jokes amidst all the carnage? No, I mean how could you write anything about the philandering cad after his wife published an article about how he cheated on her for 15 years! Don't say anything if you know what's good for you. I think this is a debate I can win.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-11 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-11 Pub. Date: 2017-08-11
Image Number: 161295
Caption: What we gotta go anywhere else for? Y'all can have your Norways an' Canadas an' Denmarks … if you need to be "happy" an' "educated" an' "health-cared" an' not shot or locked up in a private prison. All y'all soft bruthas can move if you want to, but C-Dog ain't 'fraid of hard-livin'. I'm not running away, Clyde, I just want us to measure up to every other civilized country. You want a unicorn with that, or just a pony?
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-10 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-10 Pub. Date: 2017-08-10
Image Number: 161294
Caption: You remember the other day, when I said we're behind a lot of other countries in a lot of areas? Well, I wrote an article about that for Candorville.com. Within 15 minutes, I counted over 3,000 replies that included a variant of the phrase "If you don't like it here, go someplace else." So I did a little more research, and then posted an article about how we're far behind a lot of other countries in "going someplace else." ... That's when I found out we're number one in the amount of angry comments posted in all-caps. I been out of the state once. That was weird.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-09 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-09 Pub. Date: 2017-08-09
Image Number: 161293
Caption: We're behind a lot of other countries in health care, social mobility, internet service, cellphone service, education … income equality, infrastructure, high-speed trains, voting, democratic representation, linguistic diversity, life expectancy, religious diversity, please, press freedom, child well-being, happiness, sleep, literacy, leisure, retirement security, gender equality, minimum wage, homicide rates, prosperity, the cost of food ... Other than military spending and the number of people we throw in prison, we're behind in almost everything ... so why do people still chant "we're number one!" All the time? Where we is on math?
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-09 America 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-09 Pub. Date: 2017-06-09
Image Number: 158829
Caption: What are those things? What things? Oh, they look like Tomahawk missiles. What?! Are they going to us, or from us?! Oh, from us, definitely. Oh, cool, then, bored now, can I have ear phones.
     
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