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Candorville

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Result page:     (16 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-07 Amazon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-07 Pub. Date: 2019-09-07
Image Number: 179299
Caption: You know the Amazon produces a lot of oxygen, and now it's burning up? So? This a good thing, bruh. Amazon rainforest makes oxygen. People breathe it in. Know what they breath out? Carbon dioxide. Carbon dioxide be causing global warming. By transitive logic, the Amazon rainforest be causin' global warming. That's ... look, for one thing, the Amazon soaks up carbon dioxide. Tell it to make up its mind.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-05 Amazon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-05 Pub. Date: 2019-09-05
Image Number: 179297
Caption: When I was ten, I wrote a short story about a future dystopian earth … in which white supremacists had infiltrated everything from the local police departments to the Oval Office. Propaganda had brainwashed half the country. Our votes no longer counted. Our President was a conniving would-be dictator who was imprisoning children. Toward the end, I had the Amazon rainforest burning up and dying. No ... I still don't believe the 21st century is all your fault. I even depicted Bill Cosby in prison ... Although for a totally different reason.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-06 Amazon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-06 Pub. Date: 2019-07-06
Image Number: 178395
Caption: So your mom self-published your rough draft to Amazon, costing you a six-figure book deal you already had. Why on earth are you smiling? She did it by accident. She thought she was just making a copy for herself. In any case, it means Momma loves my work. That's a really sweet attitude, Lemont. I'm proud of you. And for the rest of the time, I'll have something to throw in her face when she guilt-trips me.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-05 Amazon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-05 Pub. Date: 2019-07-05
Image Number: 178394
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I emailed Momma the rough draft of my memoir. I just wanted to know if my recollection of the scandalous patty-cake incident from preschool was accurate. Momma self-published it on Amazon. My book agent's furious, and two publishers have retracted their six-figure bids! On the bright side, now you have a story for your next memoir. She title it Look at What my Baby Wrote.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-21 Amazon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-21 Pub. Date: 2018-12-21
Image Number: 175483
Caption: I'm not buying any gifts this Christmas, Clyde. Say what? Buying someone a gift used to mean something. You used to have to go to the store and think about what they'd like. Now that you can just click a button on their Amazon Wish List, you don’t have to put any thought at all into it. It used to be the THOUGHT that counted. Now it's the THOUGHTLESS that counts. You broke, ain't you. (This cartoon was previously published on 2014-12-05)
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-22 Amazon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-22 Pub. Date: 2018-08-22
Image Number: 173656
Caption: A voice from somewhere deep in the air duct system told me to be still, and to listen for the cries of a child, for it would lead me to a refugee whose story must be told. So I did. I stilled my mind … and it led me to wonder if I'd paid the gas bill, if I was missing an Amazon delivery, and if that cretin Gary226 had admitted defeat yet in our Facebook argument. Dios mio. Then I stilled my mind again ...
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-03 Amazon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-03 Pub. Date: 2018-02-03
Image Number: 167922
Caption: Twitter. Lemont Brown @candorville. Siri, remind me to have Amazon send my extra strength foot fungus cream in an unmarked package. Don't want nosy neighbors to see it and tweet about it or anything.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-01 Amazon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-01 Pub. Date: 2018-01-01
Image Number: 166779
Caption: I published my new book, Clyde. It's all about how I met my girlfriend and how Trump became president. It's called "Canada or Bust!" … Available right now from my website, from Amazon, and from a bookstore near you. Bruh … is we havin' a conversation, or is you tryna sell me somethin'? I would never try to sell my own friends something Clyde. That'd be tacky. Is that your book right there in your hands with the title pointed at my face?
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-04 Amazon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-04 Pub. Date: 2017-12-04
Image Number: 165703
Caption: Trump's FCC is about to kill "net neutrality." That means internet service providers can slow down or even block sites they don't want customers to see. Take Concast Cable, for instance. They could put Netflix, Hulu and Amazon on a separate "premium tier." They could slow sites like mind down so much no one will bother reading them. I still don't understand why you posted an article about how great Concast's logo is. It's to make up for that time I wrote a 48-part expose of their horrible business practices. Dios mio.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-19 Amazon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-19 Pub. Date: 2017-08-19
Image Number: 161536
Caption: It's estimated the Amazon contains about 100 tribes never contacted by outside civilization. And there are hundreds more uncontacted people in jungles all over the world. They've probably never heard of the black plague, or the Dark Ages, or the Mongol hordes, or World War II, or Donald Trump ... and we've never heard of all the calamities they've survived, either.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-05 Amazon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-05 Pub. Date: 2017-01-05
Image Number: 152858
Caption: I'm not going to buy any gifts this year, Clyde. Say what? Buying someone a gift used to mean something. You used to have to go to the store and think about what they'd like. Now that you can just click a button on their Amazon wish list, you don't have to put any thought at all into it. It used to be the thought that counted. Now it's the thoughtless that counts. You broke, ain't you.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-24 Amazon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-24 Pub. Date: 2016-05-24
Image Number: 143638
Caption: I don't know why fools be keepin' useless junk from long ago. What the point of that is? How often you gonna open that box in your garage to look at the apple you finger-painted when you was four? They ain't no future generations gonna enshrine your third-grade diary in the Smithsonian. Ain't nobody gonna care 'bout no package Amazon delivered to your doorstep last week. I said give me back my package!
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-22 Amazon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-22 Pub. Date: 2015-05-22
Image Number: 127175
Caption: I'm sorry, Clyde. Whachoo talkin' 'bout? Yesterday I accused you of stealing my wallet, ordering $800 worth of junk from Amazon, and lying about it. I cussed at you, threw a drink in your face, and called your momma a Sasquatch. Turns out it was my baby boy who took my wallet and went on Amazon. I'm so proud of him! He's only two and he already knows how to order 57 bags of rabbit food. Oh, oh, oh. So when he take yo' wallet, it's cute. When I take it, it's "grand larceny."
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-05 Amazon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-05 Pub. Date: 2014-12-05
Image Number: 119645
Caption: I'm not buying any gifts this Christmas, Clyde. Say what? Buying someone a gift used to mean something. You used to have to go to the store and think about what they'd like. Now that you can just click a button on their Amazon Wish List, you don’t have to put any thought at all into it. It used to be the THOUGHT that counted. Now it's the THOUGHTLESS that counts. You broke, ain't you.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-25 Amazon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-25 Pub. Date: 2014-11-25
Image Number: 119345
Caption: What's on your Netflix playlist says everything about you. Wait … what's on your Amazon wish list says everything about you. On the other hand, maybe what's in your iTunes playlist says everything about you. I bed Sigmund Freud's iTunes playlust would've been full of smutty songs. "Playlist." What'd I say?
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-08-23 Amazon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-08-23 Pub. Date: 2009-08-23
Image Number: 37718
Caption: Um, Lemont, this is Momma. I'm a little confused by your outgoing message. Please call me back, baby. Outgoing message. Beep. Hi Momma! Golly gee, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown! I need your help. Please send over a care package with mustard, ten pounds of Cap'n Crunch, and a new crowbar. Also, a six-pack of ski masks from Costco and an Identity Theft for Dummies book from Amazon. Oh, and a Clay Aiken CD or Battlestar Voyager DVD or some other nerdy #$%& would be just swell! Now momma, dagnabbit, I got a rat problem. So it would be prudent to send it to Clyde. Golly gee willikers! Thanks, Momma. What?
     
Result page:     (16 images)