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Candorville

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Result page:    2  Next  (25 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-10 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-10 Pub. Date: 2019-11-10
Image Number: 180284
Caption: My Uncle Elroy passed away. I have so many regrets. We were never all that close. But he was always there, for all my graduations, for all the family dinners, and to take me to ballgames. But the last three years, our relationship was … not good. We argued all the time about Donald Trump. Oh my. He fell for ever conspiracy theory. He'd send me link after link to dailynutjob.com, and I'd respond with links of my own to actual news, to scientific journals, etc. The last time we messaged each other, he accused me of being part of the Deep State, and I accused him of being gullible. I see. You regret that you wasted his last years on earth arguing about Donald Trump. I regret that Uncle Elroy's not here to see Donald Trump finally get impeached.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-26 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-26 Pub. Date: 2019-10-26
Image Number: 180025
Caption: I don't understand what you were doing at the Trump press conference. I'm a journalist. It's my job to be there … even though he got rid of actual press conferences and just stands in front of a loud helicopter so he can pretend not to hear our questions. No, I meant I don't understand why you kept revving that motorcycle every time he answered. Two can play at that game, Susan. Dios mio.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-08 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-08 Pub. Date: 2019-09-08
Image Number: 179293
Caption: Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadieshow@gmail.com. Dear Ask Sadie, My best friend chews, loudly, with his mouth open. It embarrasses me every time we eat out. I'm afraid if I point it out, it'll ruin our friendship. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can get the point across without hurting his feelings? - Andrea in Anaheim. Excellent question. Here's what you do ... Next time you eat lunch with your friend, bring a newspaper. Every time he chews with his mouth open, roll up the newspaper and swat him on the nose with it. Then say It works for my poodle. If he laughs instead of pressing charges, you'll know you've got a real friend. *MGMT accepts no responsibility for the possibly horrendous consequences of Sadie Cohen's advice. Use at your own risk.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-27 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-27 Pub. Date: 2019-06-27
Image Number: 178258
Caption: Germany, 1933 … I'm tired of you calling the places where we house Jewish people concentration camps. That diminishes the atrocity those barbaric British in South Africa did to the Boer people in their actual concentration camps. That could never happen here. You owe the Boer people an apology. Gute nacht opa.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-08 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-08 Pub. Date: 2019-06-08
Image Number: 177957
Caption: We missed you at Lionel's soccer game this morning. I meant to come. You've meant to come to this birthday parties, to his piano recitals, to his day care senior play … Who wants to watch three-year-olds perform Grapes of Wrath? I mean I had a big project at work. You really missed out. They performed it dressed as actual grapes.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-21 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-21 Pub. Date: 2018-10-21
Image Number: 174386
Caption: Ask Sadie. Our resident 90-something-year-old radio pundit Sadie Cohen answers actual reader questions. AS away at asksadieshow@gmail.com (if you're sure you want the answer). Dear Sadie, I have to give a speech. When I stand up in front of people to talk, my palms get sweaty, my stomach hurts, and I suddenly have to use the bathroom, even I didn't eat anything. any advice? - Shy in Scottsdale. Excellent question. It reminds me of the very first time I was supposed to give a big speech. It as May 6, 1937 ... As head of the Ladies Auxiliary of Manchester Township's Dirigible Fan Club, I was to give a rousing welcome to an incoming blimp. As the German airship drifted gently overhead, I picked up the microphone, and ... By the ay, you know what people don't tell you? They don't tell you that it could create a spark when you accidentally whack a microphone on a mental box full of fireworks. I was by no means relieved about not having to give a speech that day. That would be wrong. And it was by no means intentional ... not provably so, anyway. Anyway, what were you asking about, again? How quickly to establish an alibi? Um ... that's ok. I've gotta go. Asksadieshow@gmail.com
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-19 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-19 Pub. Date: 2018-08-19
Image Number: 173372
Caption: It all started when … hired me to … they flew me to … to meet the CEO. Dr. Noodle. I was so excited. I'd never been to … before. They took me to a reception for their biggest clients. There was wine and cheese and an awesome … best I've ever … That's when they brought out the 900-pound ... and the albatross. They all started ... around them. They stripped off all their clothes, and beneath them they were all wearing robes made of actual living ... Look, there's abiding by a nondisclosure agreement, and then there's paranoia. I think they may have bugged my ...
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-27 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-27 Pub. Date: 2018-04-27
Image Number: 170823
Caption: What are the most important issues facing the working class? The what? The working class. And poor folks. Oh. Yeah. Of course. Mainstream Media. Trump's working-class voters stick with him, as Democrats can't decide whether to once again be the party of FDR. No, I mean tell me about actual, non-Trump-related issues working class people have to deal with. Progressives and corporate Dems book mud-wrestling pit to discuss midterm strategy.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-22 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-22 Pub. Date: 2018-03-22
Image Number: 169629
Caption: I think I may have just witnessed the singularity, Susan. And it's freaking me out. You mean singularity as in black hole? No, I mean as in the moment when artificial intelligence becomes smarter than human beings. Last night, I witnessed what I'm sure were two Russian bots arguing with each other. How do you know they weren't actual people? They politely came to an understanding. We're doomed.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-21 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-21 Pub. Date: 2018-03-21
Image Number: 169628
Caption: Is it all just a waste of time? I don't know what you mean, bruh. I wrote an article called Mr. President, if you want to look like you're Russia's stooge, firing your Secretary of State right after he strongly criticizes Russia is a great way to do it. Just seconds after I posted it, thousands of people attacked me on Twitter, and I've been debating them ever since. But now I'm not sure any of them were actual people. If they was actual people, they'da tuned you out after that long-@#$ headline, like I did.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-17 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-17 Pub. Date: 2018-02-17
Image Number: 168418
Caption: I realized this morning I'm not nineteen anymore, Susan. I was riding my bike faster than I had in years. I was flying! Pedaling hard and strong. I'd just hit warp speed … when an actual nineteen-year-old zoomed past me going twice as fast. He wasn't even breaking a sweat. I'm sure he was working hard too, Lemont. He was sipping a Slurpee and dribbling a basketball.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-08 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-08 Pub. Date: 2018-02-08
Image Number: 168183
Caption: What do you mean, do I believe aliens abduct people? You talkin' Donald Trump aliens, or is you talkin' Men in Black aliens? More like Fire in the Sky aliens, as seen in the 1993 film that's based on an actual account. I just think if that eyeball scene is real, it would explain why the whole country's so cranky. You spendin' way too much time on Youtube.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-11 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-11 Pub. Date: 2017-02-11
Image Number: 154242
Caption: What's wrong with you? I thought sitting on the sidewalk crack would make me happier. But after the initial thrill wore off, it became apparent to me it was no different from sitting beside it. This upends the entire paradigm, Rosencrantz. It means the hereafter is no happier than the ... the therebefore. I'm pretty sure "therebefore" hasn't been an actual word for a long, long time, Tyrone. And has that realization made you any happier?
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-03 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-03 Pub. Date: 2016-11-03
Image Number: 150474
Caption: I can't believe you're going to vote for Hillary Clinton. She's a criminal. How so? Seriously?! Benghazi … emails … Bill's mistresses … Whitewater … Travelgate … Vince Foster … Exactly what in any of that was a "crime"? Well … the emails thing would be a crime if it were anyone other than her who did it. Maybe. Ipso facto, the rest were crimes too. I'm not sure "ipso facto" is an actual thing.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-15 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-15 Pub. Date: 2016-10-15
Image Number: 149614
Caption: It's been a year since that magical night we spent near the lighthouse, and in jail … but Vancouver and I have been texting and Skyping almost every day since. Now I’m going to see her again in just six hours. I bet there'll be actual electricity when we touch. It's good that you're tempering your expectations.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-09 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-09 Pub. Date: 2016-10-09
Image Number: 148825
Caption: Hello, you've reached Candorville county. This is Ryan 2.0. How may I hinder you? My son was mistakenly enrolled in Medicaid. I need him off that. Please listen carefully as our options may have changed. To discuss Medicaid eligibility, say "two." To report fraud, say "three." To report child or elder abuse, say "four." Two. To obtain a business license, say "five." "Two." To dispute a county tax lien or inquire about your property tax bill, say "six." "Two." To make a child support payment, say "seven." To send an inmate a care package, say "eight." "Two." I said TWO! TWO! TWO! TWO! Just put an actual person on the phone! That option is invalid. To purchase coroner gift shop merchandise, say "nine."
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-16 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-16 Pub. Date: 2016-08-16
Image Number: 147386
Caption: I'm going to Uganda next week to write an article about their harsh anti-gay laws. Can you watch my son for me while I'm gone? I wish I could, Lemont, but I have a mmble to do so I just can't. You just mumbled. You didn't say an actual thing. No, I don't think that happened.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-12 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-12 Pub. Date: 2016-06-12
Image Number: 143982
Caption: It all started when … hired me to … they flew me to … to meet the CEO. Dr. Noodle. I was so excited. I'd never been to … before. They took me to a reception for their biggest clients. There was wine and cheese and an awesome … best I've ever … That's when they brought out the 900-pound ... and the albatross. They all started ... around them. They stripped off all their clothes, and beneath then they were all wearing robes made of actual living ... Look, there's abiding by a non-disclosure agreement, and then there's paranoia. I think they may have bugged my ...
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-08 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-08 Pub. Date: 2016-04-08
Image Number: 141505
Caption: What are the most important issues facing the working class? The what? The working class. And poor folks. Oh. Yeah. Of course. Mainstream media. White working class anger is fueling Trump's rise. These people fear a genocide of white working class people is coming. Mainstream media. No, I mean tell me about actual, non-Trump-related issues working class people have to deal with. Trump's opponent claims to be a "working class" hero. Mainstream media.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-17 actual 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-17 Pub. Date: 2015-09-17
Image Number: 132517
Caption: Doc, is it really, absolutely necessary to have a love life? Dr. Noodle. Of course it is. Even if you're alone, you have to love something passionately. M.A. Take up painting, or sky-diving, or domesticate wild boars … do it and do it with passion! I haven't yet given up on actual people. Whittling is a fairly erotic pastime.
     
Result page:    2  Next  (25 images)