AUGH! What was that for? Rise and shine! It's a brand new day! Nothing like starting the day with a little pinch to make you scream, to make you cry, to make you feel alive! You can have a wake-up pinch every morning for a small monthly fee. With plan "A," I pinch you every morning until you scream bloody murder. Only $39.95 a month. With plan "B," I make you scream bloody murder Monday through Friday for only $29.95 a month. With plan "C," you pay me not to pinch you. I'll take it.