I feel like I'm starting to hate everyone, doc. Dr. Noodle. I hate the stranger who shook his head in disgust at me when he saw I was in an interracial relationship. I hate the lady who cut me off in traffic and almost ran me off the road this morning. I hate the dentist who convinced me I needed a $350 mouth guard when I could've bought one just as good for $25 at Target. I hate the girl scout who sold me six disgusting boxes of ten-year-old Samoa cookies. That's ... ten? I hate myself for not noticing she had to have been at least 23 years old.
Boss â€¦ there was a $25,000 "Christmas bonus" in my check this year. I just want to thank you. I was totally wrong about you, you're a great man. Don't mention it. You've been my trusted right-hand stooge for almost 16 years now. This is my little way of saying ... you are ordered to spend every last cent of it downloading poetry and widget diagrams from Poetry-and-Widgets.com. This wouldn't be some sort of money laundering scheme, would it? Don't be absurd. Money can never be dirty.