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1.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-10-27 Pub. Date: 2009-10-27
Image Number: 40265
Caption: If you really Lemont from the future, tell me somethin' important. All right. Democrats wimp out, we don't get universal health care … … So a million or so Americans will die prematurely over the next 60 years. One of 'em, ironically, was close to discovering the cure for death. I said important, @#$%! (Sigh) ... In 2015, there'll be a big budget "Gilligan's Island" movie starring Wesley Snipes and Tom Hanks. Now we talkin'. I was hoping my memories of you were distorted by the senility. Will Kanye ever stop bein' a punk-@#$?
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2.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-13 Pub. Date: 2009-07-13
Image Number: 36189
Caption: Iran. Two weeks ago. What're you doing here? Covering the big story. Don't interrupt. Boom! Bam! Aaah. Sorry. He's rude. Continue. My sisters are still fighting in the streets for our voice to be heard. And the tyrants are still killing us. Bam! But the world has a short attention span. I am afraid the world will soon move on and forget all about us. Pow! Death to tyrants! God is great! Ouch! Again, you're avoiding my question: How did Michael Jackson's death affect you? Aaaah! Nooo! Oh dear, God!
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3.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-11 Pub. Date: 2009-07-11
Image Number: 35973
Caption: Lemont calls the paper. What do you mean James Olsen's not in? I need to know if he got those Iran protest stories I filed. … What do you mean "elbow strain"? … Yes, I know Michael Jackson died. What's that have to -- Every editorial cartoonist in the country sent drawings of Michael Jackson moonwalking through the pearly gates. Mr. Olsen started shouting "Lazy! Cloying! Aaarggh!" Wha -- you're breakin' up. It sounded like you said "He personally beat them all down with a sock full of quarters."
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4.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-10 Pub. Date: 2009-07-10
Image Number: 35972
Caption: Michael Jackson's hair is caught in the door at the end of the line. Wait! Oh God …
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5.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-09 Pub. Date: 2009-07-09
Image Number: 35971
Caption: Dead Superstar Michael Jackson visits Lemont's dream. End of the line! Do you hear that? Hear what? That! "Lullaby, and good night, you're your mother's delight … Shining angels beside my darling abide … "… sleepyhead, close your eyes. Mother's right here beside you. I'll protect you from harm. you will wake in my arms." I prefer acid jazz. Don't ruin the @##$ moment!
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6.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-08 Pub. Date: 2009-07-08
Image Number: 35970
Caption: Michael Jackson visits Lemont's dream. Ever heard of parents selling their innocent little boy's soul to the devil? Heh. Yeah. "Reaper." Now that was a TV show. Of course, since I loved that show, it got canceled. I've got a pretty bad track record when it comes to my favorite show getting-- Hello! Dead superstar here shedding light on his inner demons! Can we please focus?
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7.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-07 Pub. Date: 2009-07-07
Image Number: 35969
Caption: Michael Jackson visits Lemont's dream. I'm conflicted. On one hand, kids accused you of some serious offenses and I never completed bought your story. But on the other hand … I was a depressed kid. No dad. An outcast. But when I heard you sing and watched you dance, I felt full of life. What the heck. You entertained me so I'm willing to overlook your stupid decisions and your embarrassing naiveté. Thanks a lot. It's the least I could do.
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8.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-06 Pub. Date: 2009-07-06
Image Number: 35968
Caption: What the -- who's there? Dead "King of Pop," Michael Jackson. Are you a ghost? I am a beautiful, angelic entity. A force of love and life. I was put on this earth to bring mankind together in peace. What was up with those kids you -- Don't spoil the moment or I'll tap dance on your spleen!
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9.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-10 Pub. Date: 2009-05-10
Image Number: 32176
Caption: Erebody talking 'bout "Hunt down those Somalia pirates. Kill 'em! Show them who's boss!" Britain, France, the U.S. …all sending warships to shoot more pirates. You wanna end piracy? I'll tell you how to end piracy. Take those warships… …an' have 'em PROTECT Somalia fishermen from the Asian and European ships that've been stealing Somalia's seafood and dumping nuclear waste in Somalia's waters ever since Somalia's government fell in 1991. Then Somalians could get back to earning a living off their own resources and won't have to resort to piracy just to survive. That's how you stop piracy. Whaddaya think of that? I don't know. Whaddaya think of barbers who think they're on Oprah and won't stop talking long enough to cut somebody's hair? Barbers don't go for sarcasm.
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10.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-23 Pub. Date: 2009-03-23
Image Number: 31147
Caption: Meanwhile, in the city… Where are you taking me?! Where are you taking me?! Make some noise one more time for my man Joaquin Phoenix! Clap. Yeh. All right. Man, this club is wack. It ain't that bad. Next up, we got someone new to the stage… Erebody make some noise for Republic National Committee Chairman MICHAEL STEELE! I'm going to Denny's. Y'all like bling? The GOP's got ya' bling. What!
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11.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-07 Pub. Date: 2009-02-07
Image Number: 29878
Caption: Ghost of Richard Pryor, how can I stop sayin' the n-word? Look within, my child. Everything you need to make any change you want is already within you. Really? I don't know. It's just a polite thing to say. Good talk, Richard Pryor. …Like sayin' "Have a nice day" when you really don't give a @#$%.
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12.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-06 Pub. Date: 2009-02-06
Image Number: 29877
Caption: Inspired by the dignity of the first Black president, Clyde decides never to say the n-word again. He asks the ghost of Richard Pryor for guidance. Only one thing you can do. Get yourself to Africa. That's what cured me. I got $2.25 in the bank, I can't be goin' to Africa! Did I forget to mention to get rich first? I can't even go to Fresno!
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13.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-05 Pub. Date: 2009-02-05
Image Number: 29876
Caption: After seeing a Black man serve as president, Clyde decides to never again say the n-word. He seeks help from the ghost of Richard Pryor… …One of only twelve people to ever successfully quit cold turkey. You really think shock therapy can get me to stop sayin' "n*****"? zzzBazzzzzaa. Ow! That hurt, n-. ZZzbazzzazzzaa. Gonna be a long night.
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14.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-04 Pub. Date: 2009-02-04
Image Number: 29875
Caption: Dear Richard Pryor who art in heaven… What is it, my child? We got a black president. But here I am, still callin' other bruthas "N*****." I wanna stop. I know YOU stopped. How do I do it, Richard Pryor? N****, you called me back from heaven for this? N****, jus' tell me!
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15.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-01-02 Pub. Date: 2009-01-02
Image Number: 29095
Caption: Don’t you see, Big L, you usin' this kid to work out ya own issues. I don't think so. Yeah? Rewind, right quick: You said "I'm not gon' let LEMONT grow up without a father." So? So? YOUR name "Lemont." HIS name "Lionel." I'm not following. I seen enough Dr. Phil to know this spit ain't healthy.
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16.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-22 Pub. Date: 2008-10-22
Image Number: 27502
Caption: So, Wesley Snipes. I know you from such films as Blade, and Blade II. Say, remember that time you didn't pay your taxes and then ran off to Africa. What was up with that? I could paddle you like a kayak. Hey, all you hafta say is "I'm not one for small talk."
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17.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-14 Pub. Date: 2008-10-14
Image Number: 27399
Caption: Anderson Cooper's Battle Journal, Day 12: How are we going to rescue John McCain's lost honor from that prison camp with this crew of misfits? Asian Tax Shelter. Wesley Snipes and Chuck Norris. I won't even go there. Then there's Lemont Brown, the other embedded journalist. "Big L" is from some urban spit hole... Snap! ...and I think the light and space of Vietnam really put a zap on his brain. What in God's name is that crazy smell? Trees.
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18.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-09 Pub. Date: 2008-10-09
Image Number: 27222
Caption: September 24th, 2008… We monitored it out of Ha Long. It's been verified as the voice of John McCain's honor. Please, please, don't show me any more of my own lying campaign ads! I beg you! Then let's go over your involvement in the "Keating Five" one more time. NNNOOOOO!!! Shut it off. We'll save him. Or die trying. Do you mean that literally? 'cause...
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19.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-08 Pub. Date: 2008-10-08
Image Number: 27221
Caption: The "Real" Delta Force couldn't make it, so the Pentagon called my agent. Y'know what? This whole "sailing up a dangerous river into enemy territory with Chuck Norris" thing? I’m not too cool with it. Don't worry, chief. We're not on our own. Oh. Well... They also sent Wesley Snipes as my feisty sidekick. Wait... What?! I'm on work release.
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20.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-07 Pub. Date: 2008-10-07
Image Number: 27220
Caption: Anderson Cooper, are you in there? Whu…what are the charges? What'd I do? No charges. Our mission's come through. We're to accompany Delta Force up the Nodung River to rescue John McCain's long-lost honor. Only one problem… The Bush is over-run with Charlie. No, Delta Force was needed in Afghanistan, so-- Hi, I'm Chuck Norris. You may know me from such films as Delta Force, and Delta Force 2, The Colombia Connection.
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